If you savored Mark Higdon’s appropriation of the National Anthem to satirize the Thieves and Sexual Assailants, you’ll enjoy another version, this one from Tim Gandee, as well (N.B. rough language. But then, that’s what these unspeakable perverts inspire):

Tim’s also found that if he tells the Thieves and Sexual Assailants he “cannot raise one of my arms over my head,” it “triggers ‘Medical Opt Out.’  The procedure that follows is that I walk through the metal detector, no porno scan required, and have no freedom touching either.  They swab my hands for explosives and then I am on my way.”

A sling or Ace bandage helps bolster such a claim.

The Best of Becky Akers