Send Me Your Local Face Mask Order

I don’t really want to see your local face mask order. I want you to find your local face mask order.

Because then we are one step closer to you reading your local face mask order. And that brings us one step closer to you understanding your local face mask order. And that brings us one step closer to someone thinking about your local face mask order.

Because I have an interesting statistic for you: since your local face mask order has been issued, not a single person has read it and thought about it.

I challenge you to prove me wrong.

The Case Against Masks... Heckenlively, Kent Buy New $12.99 (as of 04:52 EDT - Details) Some may have interpreted the face mask order according to the accompanying press releases and accompanying press conferences. Some may have enforced it based on the emails the orders were attached to. Others may have been in positions of authority or enforcement and may have repeated the talking points about the orders from whatever cloud of glyphosate, mercury, and radiation that floats through the ether and that they get their information from.

But if I can get you to read it and think about it, I can get you to enact the exemptions that apply to you.

Do you know why I can get you to do that? Because you are a thinking person and anyone who encounters the lunacy of some of the ways enforcement is being handled and then compares it to the reality of what “the rules” say, is left with no choice but to laugh out loud at anyone who speaks such misinformed lunacy with such self-righteous entitlement.

Millions of people have legitimate exemptions. You may be one of them. The Gadfly Majestic is one of them. He’s never worn a face mask. I estimate thousands of readers of these pages have never worn one, because hundreds have written me telling me that they never have.

It’s such a joke, just not a funny one, that if you simply read the order, in 19 out of 20 situations, you won’t ever have to wear a face mask again. Unless you’re too gutless to insist that the order writers and their colleagues just follow their own orders the way they are written.

I don’t think many gutless people show up in whatever little corner of the world you encountered this piece of writing today. You didn’t find it on the front page of Reddit or Drudge. You and I both are probably reflected by the Becky Ackers commentary about Pastor Rob McCoy who refuses to follow California lockdown orders: “If you’re like me, you want your heroes full-throated and unflinching.”

I, too, like my heroes that way.

For an example of a poorly executed policy, look at the face mask policy below. Until I found this face mask policy and pointed it out to a hotel manager, this is a face mask policy she was enforcing under the claim that there were absolutely no exemptions.

Does this look like an excerpt from a face mask policy with absolutely no exemptions? I’ll let you be the judge:

“Medical exception: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the Public Health Agency of Canada (PHAC) recognize that wearing cloth face coverings may not be possible in every situation or for some people. Consistent with CDC Mask Guidance this includes:

  • Children younger than 2 years old
  • Anyone who is unconscious, incapacitated, or otherwise unable to remove the cloth face covering without assistance

Please note, CDC guidelines recognize individuals outside these two categories also may be exempt from wearing face masks. Please refer to the FAQs below and additional hotel documentation for guidance on how to handle any guest request for additional exceptions.

Hotels should work to reasonably accommodate associates and guests who may have disability-related issues wearing a mask.”

I’ve now heard hundreds of stories of people exercising legitimate face mask exemptions by simply calling a manager beforehand and saying the words “I have a concern. I am unable to wear a face mask safely. May I still come by later on today?” That will be enough in approximately 19 out of 20 situations. GEER Head Mask Full Fa... Buy New $79.99 (as of 04:45 EDT - Details)

You know why those exemptions exist? Because we don’t live in a tyrannical place yet.  We live in a place where those writing these awful orders are leaving room for humans to fit into the order — if those humans claim their humanity.

And most people refuse to.

I invite you to send me your local face mask order. I will read it with pleasure. I invite you to send me the Marriott written face mask policy, the Menard’s written face mask policy, and your local laundromat’s written face mask policy. I invite you to send me any face mask orders you’d like.

But what I’d really like is for you to read those written orders, and to use those written orders to enter into a place where you are exempt from the face mask. I know, it might be hard to even get anyone to send the written policy to you, because they don’t actually know where to find it, since they’ve never read it. If you persist, you will get it though. And then, yes, I want you to do the work of just getting the corporatespeak-trained manager to follow their own policies and to instruct the doorknob-headed lug guarding the entrance to follow the same policies, instead of the ad hoc and widespread denigrating of people that they otherwise engage in.

All it takes is reading the order, and then getting another to do the same.

Then please be so kind as to send me your stories from the face mask compliance checkpoint and help me put an end to this tyranny.