Just Flasking Ridiculous

Hey, did you know in Texas, it’s illegal to possess an Erlenmeyer flask without a permit from the government? What’s an Erlenmeyer flask? It’s that glass conical-bottom, narrow-necked flask you see in all the science labs. Remember high school science class? So why is a piece of science lab equipment illegal without das paperwerken from das government? Because it’s allegedly used to manufacture illegal drugs. Well, gosh, so are a lot of things! But this is a thing I have mentioned before here and now would like to expand on: Local government is often the most tyrannical because they can pass laws faster than the federal government can spend a billion dollars.

I discovered something else very interesting. I heard about people building what they term “tiny houses”, that is, houses that make Thoreau’s Walden cabin look like a McMansion. Ok, now I dig what these folks are doing. They’re building something to live in, not something to pay on for the next thirty years. Guess what? Local governments in many states actually have laws that say you cannot build houses under 500 square feet! Say what?! Now, I think I know why that is. Some local governments probably base property tax on the square footage of the house. So if it’s a tiny house, the regime can’t extort a lot of money from the owner.

The Tiny Housers have gotten around that by building the tiny houses on trailers, so it’s technically a camper/trailer and not a “house”. In other words, they have to use wheels as the cover story. But I give them credit for finding a way to give their local governments the high hat. However, why should anyone have to go to these lengths just to build a dwelling to live in? Is there anything more basic to human beings than building dwellings to live in, besides eating and drinking water? It’s pretty much right up there with making fire, also, but you need permits to do that, too.

I daresay not second tick past in this country that some local government has not passed a law banning, permitting, or restricting dwellings, dairy products, weapons, peanuts, vehicles, personal possessions, or laboratory equipment. It’s bad enough the federal government exists to force us into dastardly deeds of their own doing through taxation and legislative outlawry, but we’ve got three more levels of these bozos passing laws that apply to specific regions, too! Yeah, cross the county line with a few gallons of raw milk for sale and you just broke two laws: Possession of unpasteurized milk and carrying milk without a food handler’s permit. Try making Brie cheese with raw milk. That’s illegal. How about butchering your own meat? Legal, but sell a pound and you just broke the law. The government wants you to take your meat to the filthy government-inspected slaughterhouses if you’re going to sell it. Or else.

We have this conglomeration of federal, state, county and city laws that basically turn the United States into a nation of government-mandated sharia law. Everyone gets freaked out that “The Muslims will force Sharia law on us!!” Yet, here’s the government passing laws even more restrictive than sharia law and you accept that? My gosh, if sharia law contained all the laws of the United States at all levels of government, the Quran itself would have to be thick enough to stand on and touch the moon. Then we could abolish NASA.

Speaking of NASA, allow me to digress for a moment to demonstrate the stupidity of how people fall for government theatrics. Everyone thought the “Space Race” was about “One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind”. Or something like that. No, it was one small step for a quasi-military agency and one giant leap for the government to waste money on the arms race and perfecting ICBMs. That’s what it was all about, people! Showing the Soviets our rockets were not only bigger but could go further for longer. Yeah, give that some thought. Your tax dollars at work for interstellar sexual innuendos. And even liberals applauded it! Because the government told them it was about “science” to benefit humanity. Really, what great thing was done for humanity by landing on the moon? We didn’t see anything there that we couldn’t have seen inside a vacuum cleaner bag. Actually, looking inside a vacuum cleaner bag would have been better, because we might have found a nickel and two pennies in there instead of wasting untold billions of dollars. Now we have liberals demanding a NASA mission to Mars. Hey, you guys want to see what Mars looks like? Come to Arizona. We have better souvenirs, too.

We’ve got our own version of sharia law already and we call it “the government”. They dictate to us not just legal codes but attempts to force us to live the way they think we should. Think about “soda taxes”, for example. You won’t find anything in sharia law saying you can’t drink sodas. But let the government propose such a law, people will applaud that as a “common sense” law. Since when has any level of government within the United States practiced “common sense”?! I’ll tell you this: I’d rather wear a djellaba every day for the rest of my life than endure the endless passage of law after law after a law like some repulsive government soap opera. “Days of Our Regime” and “General Government” and “The Young and the Bureaucratic”. Splendid.

Let’s see, about half an hour has passed. There must be at least three hundred new laws across America. People in California are probably unaware they cannot juggle cucumbers while dressed in tight leotards. People in Massachusetts probably need a permit to consume beans and cabbage and pay a “greenhouse gas” tax. Residents of New York are themselves paying a “whole milk tax” and being forced to switch to low-fat and nonfat as part of the state government’s “Save Our Kids From Milkfat” campaign. Rhode Island has been declared a “Gluten-Free Zone” with a paramilitary police agency to enforce it. Here in Arizona, we’ll probably be forced to plant native plants in our yards and obtain permits for flowers with over six petals per bud. Hey, these are all common-sense laws, folks! Can’t you see that?

Think about it. Here’re politicians telling you to fear sharia law when they themselves pass more laws in a month than appear in all of the sharia law as a whole! If it’s not a new law, it’s a new tax, which is actually a new law with its own set of legal punishments. Just ask that dude that got strangled to death by the cops because he supposedly sold a cigarette without collecting the new tax. Well, actually, you can’t ask him because the government killed him over a new law and tax. That’s really why they need private prisons. The government has so many laws, the government prisons don’t have enough room to hold everyone.

When you see someone with a clipboard and a pen approaching you, “Just Say No”. They want you to sign a petition to create more laws. Or put someone on the ballot who’ll do that and initiate more taxes. As far as the laws already on the books, I think we need to do what people in small or tiny houses do. We can’t put more stuff into the house until we get rid of stuff already there. Often, we end up moving more out and less in. Because we discover—gee!—we didn’t need all that crap to begin with! I don’t need some gigantic mixer to knead bread. I have two arms and hands. Likewise, we don’t need government making decisions for us. And whenever they want to pass a new law or tax, they ought to be required to get rid of three before that. Except we’d have to pass a law to force them to do so.