Shooting Down Santa?

Years ago, on December 24th, radio and television stations would occasionally interrupt their programming with fake news bulletins, announcing that the U.S. Air Defense Command radar system had spotted an incoming spacecraft over Alaska. Later reports provided more detail: it was  a sleigh being flown by one man; later reports informed us that the sleigh was being powered by reindeer, and was now crossing into Canada.  We were advised to stay tuned for later reports.

I doubt that broadcasters would participate in such pleasantries today. If the matter were to be brought up at all, it would immediately be politicized: CNN would bring on retired (i.e., now working for defense contractors) military officers to discuss whether this might be a terrorist attack; presidential candidates would be trying to out-macho one another, urging President Obama to attack the incoming vehicle with missiles; while newspaper editorials would stress the need for more surveillance of Americans who might be inclined to pay attention to and enjoy such “bulletins.” A humorless Hillary would speak out against the security risks posed by the Internet, as men, women, and children e-mailed others about this sneak attack. An equally humorless Bernie Sanders would demand congressional hearings into working conditions at the North Pole; while feminists and racial minority groups would  condemn Santa as a European-white-male oppressor. Not to be left out, the animal rights crowd would propose legislation to prevent the continuing exploitation of reindeer.

Lest you be inclined to turn to NFL and college bowl games in an effort to depoliticize the holidays, be prepared for the celebration of the war system – including the battalions of uniformed soldiers stationed throughout the stadiums, and the flag-waving, red-white-and-blue frocked Santa Claus parachutist landing at the fifty yard line with the game ball.