Payback’s a You-Know-What

Among my favorite culinary events are those in which the State eats its own. I particularly savor it when the American government dines at home, but foreign bureaucrats’ munching on Our Rulers is almost as satisfying. And this time, we get a bonus dessert with the meal: the incident has embarrassed the TSA.

A cop with the Santa Monica Lice Department—whoops, I forgot a couple of letter there: POlice Department—flew out of Los Angeles on vacation. I guess they pay the leeches in the SMPD pretty well, because this was no trip to Disneyworld: she and her family planned to spend their holiday in Taiwan. Okey-doke.

None of the accounts I’ve read clearly states whether the Taiwanese equivalent of the TSA (dear Lord, what a nightmare that must be) discovered that the cop carried a gun in her bag, or whether she “self-reported,” as the Jargon has it. Here’s the garbled explanation from the SMPD’s “public information officer”: “We know that … she notified officials in Taiwan that she inadvertently left a weapon in her bag, being the gun that was found…” Ah, PoLice! They may be thugs, but what an incoherent way with words!

Regardless, the TSA’s security theater at LAX obviously failed to find Our Ruler’s Ruger. A spokesliar for the agency claims that “…standard procedures were not followed and a police officer did in fact pass through the checkpoint with a firearm…” Yo, Thieves and Sexual Assailants: even when “standard procedures” are “followed” for your signature gate-rape, you miss 96% of contraband.

Meanwhile, Our absent-minded Ruler is “dealing with potential legal proceedings” in Taiwan—a country almost as totalitarian as ours: “If convicted, she could face up to two years in prison, according to international media reports.”

And all for a non-crime. But then, she’s no doubt passed her eight years with the SMPD arresting us serfs for non-crimes, too, so absolutely no sympathy. Indeed, let’s congratulate the citizens of Santa Monica, who will now enjoy a partial vacation themselves from wrongful, unconstitutional harassment.

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