“This Is The New Norm.” Wanna Bet?

With its usual flair for incompetence and downright stupidity, the TSA “revamped” its checkpoints at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. The agency claims it had hoped to reduce “wait times,” which our Dictionary of Jargon defines as “delays resulting when the TSA’s perverts sexually assault passengers and rifle their belongings for valuables, humiliating travelers while preventing them from boarding their planes.”

Naturally, as is always the case when government’s involved, the outcome has been precisely the opposite of the stated intentions: “Transportation Security Administration officials … are now confronting wait times twice as long as before,” asserted one of the mainstream media’s lapdogs, though it’s obvious to anyone with an IQ in double digits that passengers, not “officials,” are the ones “confronting” those interminable lines. So interminable, in fact, that Minnesota’s congress-criminals are now besieging the TSA with demands to speed folks through the checkpoints. (Elsewhere, excruciating “wait times” have induced managers of airports to threaten the TSA with privatization. No doubt the bureaucrats are trembling in their jackboots: “privatization” as Our Rulers use the word leaves the TSA in charge and groping as usual.)

Astoundingly, passengers fed up with the TSA’s abysmal “service” are complaining. Not as much as they should, nor as effectively, either, but still … at least the slaves are milling about the plantation this time rather than simply bowing and scraping as Our Rulers abuse them. Which has prompted the TSA to responses even more infuriating than usual. 

“People need to pack patience and know they will have lots of company,” one of the TSA’s spokesliars, Lorie Dankers, sniffed. “This is what we are dealing with.”

Imagine that a restaurateur greeted you with this smug preachment when the line for dinner stretched around the block. How soon would you return?

Unfortunately, Americans who must fly around our large continent have little choice about returning for more of the TSA’s evil. And the army of spokesliars the agency hires with our money knows it. Ergo, “Dankers said that there are no immediate plans to expand screening staff at MSP and that overtime will be used only when feasible. ‘That is not the case right now. This is the new norm.’” You might think this simpering imbecile had never heard of rebellion, overthrowing government, or the American Revolution.

Can you stomach more of Lorie’s advice? Yeah, I thought not. How about if I shorten it to one word? Pre-Check. Yep, the scam whereby you pay the TSA $85 for a temporary reversion to the way things used to be in aviation: PreCheckers “bypass standard screening through special lanes that allow them to leave their shoes, belts and light jackets on. Laptops can remain in carry-on luggage, making passing through security faster. ‘This is a way passengers can do something proactively at a minimal cost,’ Dankers said.”

Eighty-five bucks is “minimal”? Maybe on Lorie’s princessly salary snatched from our pockets. Not to anyone who works for a living.

But I interrupted Her Highness. “The special lanes require fewer staff members and ‘it increases our efficiency.’”

Got that? After the government robs us of taxes to finance the TSA’s $7 billion annual budget, we should “increase its efficiency” with another $85. Serfs, I have just one question: how long till the Revolution?

Of course, the “wait times” are all our fault. “Dankers said passengers have to shoulder some of the blame for slower lines. They are bringing more carry on bags through security and that bogs things down.” Let us once again visit our fictional restaurateur. Suppose he similarly blamed his customers instead of his own inefficiency for “wait times.” Would you punch him out before or after you kicked his sorry butt?

But Our Ruler wasn’t done: Lorie “encouraged passengers to consider checking bags. Another factor in lengthy wait times is that many travelers are unprepared for the screening process and unnecessarily hold up lines by bringing prohibited items to the checkpoint. ‘These rules are not new and it’s time for people to take responsibility and bring things that are only allowed,’ Dankers said.”

Wow, just … wow. No, however illogical, the rules aren’t new, but neither are the lines. Could it be that the TSA needs to take responsibility for being a needless, worthless, utterly harmful bureaucracy that has tortured Americans long enough and, in view of its ineptitude, will now decamp and leave us in peace?

Well, ummm, no, at least according to Lorie: “TSA is not focused on getting people through quickly.” Hey, at least she admits it. “They are focused on security.” A.k.a., gate-rape and thievery. “That is the priority and that will not change.” So suck it up, put-upon peasants.

By the way, the horrific “wait times” and Dankers’ insults come as “TSA administrator Peter Neffenger testified before the Senate Committee on Appropriations to ask for $7.6 billion for fiscal year 2017 fiscal year. That is an increase of $72.1 million over fiscal year 2016 and would be used to add staff to ensure effective screening operations and minimize wait times. ‘This funding will help to ensure that TSA maintains an appropriate staffing level at our checkpoints,’ he said.”

And that, my fellow serfs, is why we grow old in line while a two-bit moron like Dankers baits us.

The Best of Becky Akers