Fasten Those Seat-Belts!

Let’s take a trip to the Bizarro World of the TSA, shall we? Yeah, I know: the ride’ll be rough, so grab some Dramamine. And the natives at our destination are surly, lazy, stupid, and paranoid, which may explain why their idea of a “job” is to sexually assault hundreds of passengers daily (kinda makes you wonder what these deviants do for entertainment, doesn’t it?). Yep, we’ll crave a stiff drink after even the slightest interaction with them—but bring along a flask because the only beverage available is Kool-Aid, and it comes in just one flavor: Terrorists-Lurk-Everywhere-Except-the-One-Place-They-Really-Are,-Government.

So we won’t stay long—no longer than it takes to learn how egregiously Our Rulers squander our money.

First, the TSA appears to be ghost-writing for AQAP (Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, which, believe it or not, is even bigger and scarier than plain old Al Qaeda, or so Our Rulers would have us believe). Courtesy of Bill Martin comes a link to this story about a “rectal bomb” in AQAP’s magazine, hilariously named Inspire. It seems that “five years after the so-called ‘underwear bomber’ tried to blow up a plane by hiding explosives in his underpants,” AQAP “is taking another look at bombs hidden in places of an intimate nature, or what the terrorist group modestly calls the ‘hidden bomb.’ A twenty-two page spread in the latest issue of AQAP’s … magazine gives step-by-step instructions on how to build a bomb designed to be hidden inside or near the rectal cavity — except the writer balks at talking about the last, most critical (and intimate) step: where to actually put the bomb.” The reporter obviously enjoys mocking AQAP’s “modesty,” but I find the reticence charming: how refreshing, in our tawdry, hyper-sexualized sewer to remember that other cultures still shun the casual and constant mention of intimate topics.

Perhaps his amusement keeps the writer from deducing the obvious: AQAP didn’t write this story; perverts who long to probe every crevice of their victims did. The only question is how the TSA managed to slip its propaganda past Inspire’s editors.

Meanwhile, all the TSA’s pawing and ogling of denuded passengers didn’t stop a couple of entrepreneurs from coming to the aid of gun-starved New Yorkers. “…[A]uthorities [sic for ‘tyrants’] say that on Dec. 10, … a man carrying a backpack containing 16 firearms with ammunition flew aboard a Delta Air Lines passenger jet to Kennedy International Airport in New York from Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport.” That was one of many such missions of mercy: “At the center of the case is a former Delta Air Lines worker charged with smuggling 153 firearms, including an AK-47 assault weapon, on 17 Delta flights between Atlanta and New York from May 8 to Dec. 10.”

The account then treats us to the usual hand-wringing from the usual bozos about this “egregious breach of security”—which, like the 25,000 others the House Oversight and Government Reform subcommittee documented from 2001 to 2011, resulted in absolutely no harm to anyone other than the heroic gun-runners (cops arrested one as he stepped off the plane in New York. Wanna bet he’s already suffered “waterboarding, exposure to cold temperatures, slapping and sleep deprivation” with more to come?). Hmmm: could it be that the whole terrorist-thing is a scam and we don’t need the TSA? One of the aforementioned bozos apparently thinks so: It strips away the security facade that’s been in place since 2002 and painfully exposes the major deficiencies…” Bingo. Way past time to abolish this nest of debauched bloodsuckers.

Alas, watch instead as TSA parlays this “egregious breach” into control of workers at airports. Its blue-shirted goons have long lusted to manhandle and humiliate these folks; now it can claim that unless it gate-rapes them as it does passengers, AQAP has triumphed. Again, it’s enough to make any reasonable person suspect that the TSA orchestrated the entire “breach.”

Just one more quick stop in Bizarro World before we head back to reality. John “the Pervert” Pistole, Chief Deviant at the TSA, has resigned effective with the end of this year. Remember that during this thug’s tenure, the TSA began its “enhanced pat-downs” [sic for “sexual assault”] of passengers and also installed porno-scanners at airports. And those twin crimes earn him lavish accolades from DC’s scum: the most recent is “amazingly effective and well liked.” “Amazingly effective,” huh? We might have to give ‘em that one: no other regime anywhere, at any time, no matter how brutal or totalitarian, has ever succeeded in normalizing digital rape and nude photography of its general, tax-paying subjects.

No doubt an airport will one day boast a concourse named for this degenerate sponge.

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1:03 pm on December 30, 2014