Local police here in the Tucson area report that Pokémon Go has caused several “distracted while driving” accidents and are asking people to please pay attention to driving. According to the anti-marijuana shills, legalizing marijuana will cause more traffic accidents. Gosh, it seems to me that some pathetic electronic game is already causing accidents, so what difference does that make? Be that as it may, I don’t understand this whole Pokémon Go thing. I mean, I get it. Invent some ridiculously silly fad and Americans will fall head over heels in love with it. Just look at the Pet Rock. Remember that? But here’s all these clowns driving around trying to “capture” some figment of their imagination. It almost sounds like the presidential election itself. I wouldn’t be surprised if Pokémon Go is the future of voting here.
People accuse me of being overly cynical about America. To that I say: Guilty as charged! When some hipster wraps his brand-new McMuscle car around a power pole because his face was buried in a cell phone screen trying to “capture” some Pokémon critter that exists in McLa-La Land, I fail to see how this society can function much longer. Everything needs a soundtrack to these people. Kids feel they have a right to be endlessly entertained 24 hours a day and this carries over into adulthood. Or, rather, the Endless Summer of Puberty that passes for adulthood in this nation of undisciplined, goateed, and skin-tight jeans wearing rugrats. Millions of people enslaved to an electronic game and these people think they’re free. Hilarious. If the United States Army was smart, they’d encrypt enlistment documents into the Pokémon Go and the thing these buffoons would “capture” would be a tour of duty in Afghanistan.
Cynical, that’s me. You can’t get people to eat vegetables unless you find some faddish new one that has to be imported from the foot of the Himalayas and air freighted in on a perishable-products overnight hop. Then they’ll all line up at Whole Paycheck to pay $15.99 an ounce for it after lecturing you about your fossil fuel use contributing to climate change. After they’ve burned about fifteen gallons of gasoline playing Pokémon Go, of course. But, what, you drove to the plain-old supermarket and bought some pork chops? How dare you?! Don’t you realize that meat and the gas you used to get it contributes to climate change? And you wonder why I’m cynical about America? These elections won’t change a thing, people. You might have a new president, but you’ve got the SAME people here. You know, like the ones that wrap their cars around telephone poles playing a ridiculous game while driving. Need I say more?
12:44 pm on October 20, 2016 Email Jack Perry
