Mark Higdon writes,

I had my first [“thermal scan”] today, when I went to my dentist…

the way things started just made me laugh. A masked receptionist handed me a clipboard with a yes/no survey intended to inform whether or not I even might have the bug. I checked it off in about ten seconds (no-no-no…) and put it on the counter. They had me toss the used ballpoint pen into a box (for later incineration?) and one of them (rubber-gloved) slathered disinfectant all over the clipboard. As I failed to stifle my chuckle and eye-roll staffers were, well, sheepish about it.

Then one of them handed me a digital oral thermometer. It took at least two minutes to yield a reading. At one point, I gestured at it like “how long is this @#$%!!! thing gonna take?” When it finally beeped, I told the staff that my similar home thermometer gives a reading in eight seconds. They were kind of embarrassed, although that was not my intention.

At least no one tried to make me wear a mask.

Now, if anybody like the TSA (remember, I don’t fly any more) tries to hand me an oral thermometer, I will do one or more of the following:

1. Demand that they first show me that their temperature is normal.

2. Drop trou and shorts so that I can give them the most accurate possible reading.

3. Tell them “Take your paws off of that thermometer, you damn, dirty ape!”

The Best of Becky Akers