AP: All Propaganda, Even To the Orthography

Systemic racism is such a plague in this country that the corporate media has announced plans to capitalize the “b” in “Black.”

Yes, as our darker brothers and sisters mistake white women for punching bags, as Caucasians wash black feet, as corporations across the nation cravenly finance the looting of their own stores, the Associated Propaganda–sorry, Press announced that it has “changed its writing style guide to capitalize the ‘b’ in the term Black when referring to people in a racial, ethnic or cultural context, weighing in on a hotly debated issue.”

Who knew? I thought BLM was hoping to topple statues of abolitionists, and here they were actually working towards Capitalization. Imagine the confab at BLM’s HQ “debating” this “hot issue”: “Lis’ up, man, we be needin’ dem capitals! Dem crackahs and ho’s don’ be lettin’ us pillage, long as we be small-b black.”  

Astoundingly, AP’s “decision followed more than two years of research and debate among AP journalists and outside groups and thinkers.” Is it me, or do these “outside groups and thinkers” need something more arduous to ponder? For example: thugs who plunder and kill seldom bother to read anything, even agitprop praising their barbarity. Will they notice, much less understand and applaud, AP’s radical step?

Nor is AP alone in turning this syntactical molehill into a mountain: “The Los Angeles Times, USA Today and NBC News last week embraced capitalization, and the National Association of Black Journalists urged other news organizations to follow.”

Wait: “the National Association of Black Journalists”? There are enough “Black Journalists” to host an entire association? Kinda blows the idea of “systemic racism,” doesn’t it, as much as do the Congressional Black Caucus, the National Organization of Black Law Enforcement Executives, the National Black Police, and The African American Mayors Association.

AP’s gift keeps on giving, so there’s more: it “will also now capitalize Indigenous in reference to original inhabitants of a place.” Hey, that oughta close Connecticut’s casinos so their fabulously wealthy owners can be just like the rest of us: poor.

AP is nothing if not gracious to benighted whites: it “said it expects to make a decision within a month on whether to capitalize the term white.” I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait! Capitalization! I’ll be White instead of white! Alas, I have my doubts that said decision will go our way, given the disclaimer immediately following: “Among the considerations are what that change might mean outside the United States.” Yo, Outside Groups and Thinkers: here’s another substantive matter for you to cogitate.

Until then, AP decrees,“The lowercase black is a color, not a person.” Uh-oh: does that principle also pertain to the “lowercase white”? Even worse, AP equates “Black” with “be[ing] inclusive and respectful in our storytelling and the evolution of language…” Ergo, it now inflicts such exclusive, disrespectful sentences on us as this: “…Christian Cooper, a Black bird watcher … was targeted in New York City’s Central Park by a white woman after he told her to leash her dog.”

Race-war via punctuation appeals to the grammarian in all of us. You gotta hand it to the Marxist media.

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3:43 pm on June 23, 2020