A Cure for Low Blood Pressure

Mr. Anonymous sent me this extract from his church’s latest newsletter, warning, “I am so mad, for many reasons.” Yep, this one’s calculated to raise the ol’ pulse-rate: 

Grace and mercy be with you from the Board of Elders. The board has heard the many petitions to resume in-person services,

Aha! “…many petitions…”! So we’re not the only ones clamoring for Christ’s body to meet, for pity’s sake, and act like the conquerors He’s made us instead of scared little rabbits.

and we too, are desiring to worship as the gathered body of Christ. That being said, we also have to be mindful of our vulnerable brothers and sisters.

Oh, please. Again with this nonsense. The sick can stay home while the rest of us worship, as we’ve done for 2000 years.

The board has had considerable discussion on this issue and… has decided that due to the size of our congregation that beginning in-person services with fewer than 30 people is logistically onerous…

Onerous”???? Buddy, you ever carried a patibulum to Golgotha on your back after Roman whips studded with bone and metal ripped your flesh open? Don’t talk to me about “onerous.”

… We are hopeful that current trends will continue and that the next phase of the governor’s plan will be implemented soon.

Oh, indeed. Far be it from the Lord’s Bride to obey Him rather than atheistic politicians.

… We pray that God would soon bring an end to this crisis…

Parson Goat, how dare you blame God for this “crisis”? The Satanic State you idolize ginned it up; your craven credulity immensely aided and abetted its creation. 

Meanwhile, Mr. Anonymous mourns, “If they ever do purge these idiotic and fear-filled additions to the liturgy,  how can I attend without having a bad attitude and being angry about how they did this?”

That’s the $64 question. Home church, anyone?


6:37 pm on July 12, 2020