Gosh, It'll Be a Swell Nuclear War!

I usually don’t care one way or the other what mainstream news has to report. Usually, the news rolls like this: A war going on over here, look what these celebrities are doing over there, this previously unknown vegetable holds the key to proper nutrition, some politician kissed a puppy in the Poconos, a tornado destroyed an entire town in the Midwest, and, gosh, there might be a nuclear war. Wait, hold on, a nuclear war? This is new. See here.

Now, this NATO general says a nuclear war with Russia could start over the Baltics. My only question is: Why? If other Americans wish to sacrifice their lives over a region noted for the production of amber and sprats, then let them go live over in that region. I, however, have no desire to move residence into the upper atmosphere over who controls what in an area of the world that plainly does not concern the United States. That the United States government appears more than willing to commit murder/suicide using all of us and the Russian people is the action of a criminal regime, not any so-called “defender of freedom”. How am I “free” when I am held hostage by the United States government’s suicide pact?

A Tipping Point for Li... Dick, Adam Best Price: $26.87 Buy New $15.99 (as of 12:10 UTC - Details) Now, yes, this is all coming out because of the elections. This type of thing has borne fruit in past presidential elections from LBJ to Reagan. People always say, “What if the Russians do X-Y-Z?!?” How about this: We need to mind our own dang business for a change! I am thoroughly sick and tired of these monsters throwing around the threat of a nuclear war like it’s some MMA cage match they’re discussing and not the extermination of billions of human beings. These people are sick. No, seriously, these people are all insane and I don’t need to be a doctor to render that diagnosis. It’s as plain as day. These people have no conscience, no qualms about engaging in a war that would make World War Two and the Holocaust pale in terms of deaths and consequences. And for what?! To “show” the Russians we can’t be pushed around? They’re not pushing us around! To “show” them they can’t push other countries around? Gosh, as if the United States doesn’t do that itself. Look at the Middle East.

You know, I still remember the last Cold War. Here we are in another, thanks to the mixed bag of tin medal-bedecked, polyester uniformed despots and false-face celebrity politicians in the Pentagon and the White House. I remember when the Berlin Wall came down, something we never thought we’d live to see. Literally. I remember the promise of peace—at last. But, no, the government didn’t waste any time getting us into a war, did they? That’s what set into motion the entire Middle Eastern problem we have today, too. It all goes back to the Gulf War of 1990. Right, so now that hasn’t provided us with enough enemies, therefore, let’s dust off the Russians we haven’t played with for a while. Everyone is into the 1950s, 60s, 70s, and 80s retro, we might as well have the Cold War back, too. Hooray! Where does a fella get the t-shirts? “My Government Wants To Destroy The Planet And All I’m Getting Is This Lousy T-Shirt”.

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Because make no mistake, this is not the Russians starting this whole thing. This is the United States government and its lapdog teacup poodle NATO who resurrected The Cold War Show from syndication. Teacup poodle NATO barks at the Russian bear and thinks it’s safe behind a pane of glass. And we were fine, but no, the government had to go and get another Cold War started. Except this time, they’re actually planning on launching the birds. What, have our ICBMs reached their “sell by” date or something? Are they going bad? Has some general sniffed a missile silo and said, “Uh-oh, smells like they’re starting to go bad. We better start a nuclear war or we’re going to have to throw these away…” Excuse me, but what would be so bad about throwing away not just these missiles but the entire government that owns them? They’re trying to kill us.

Let us finally call this insanity what this is: Our government is actually planning to kill us over some crap that does not concern us in the least. Are you willing to die for this madness? Are you willing to see your family incinerated as you turn to ash yourself because the Russian flag might fly over Lithuania? I am not. I don’t care what Russia does in their own dang backyard! Maybe we ought to have a worldwide vote asking everyone on this planet if they’re willing to die because the United States government is having a manhood size issue going on concerning the Russians. Let’s find out what everyone else besides the United States government wants. I bet they’ll vote to keep living, hands down. See, people get into the habit of wanting to live.

I wish there was a way the government could be fooled into thinking a nuclear war was imminent but lost communications and couldn’t retaliate. Then they all went and hid in their bunkers where we could padlock the blast doors with all of those monsters sequestered inside. They’ve got enough food and water and Xanax down there to last a century. We could hold a war crimes trial and call that bunker the appropriate prison to hold those criminals. Then affix a plaque to the door that says: “Here are the monsters that tried to destroy the planet, convicted of conspiracy to commit the murders of billions of human beings.”

I’m calling the United States government out on this. Stories like this do not appear in the news unless some Pentagon press agency put it out on the wire. On orders from the federal government, who created it using ghost writers that usually write apocalyptic, end-of-the-world science fiction when not writing the same for the government.  Once again, the government is not only trying to manipulate us with fear, but they’re getting us used to the idea that maybe during this Cold War, using nuclear weapons won’t be “unthinkable”. They’re already thinking about it.

Here’s the deal: The United States government is evil. You don’t go around talking about nuclear war like it’s just a road trip to Pismo Beach or something. “Hey, kids, how about we go to Pismo Beach?! Dig some clams, sunbathe, start a nuclear war…what do you say?” I mean, am I the only one who sees this as the actions of an insane regime bent on a genocide that isn’t based on one race but the entire human race? Plus, the planet and all animals and plants thrown in for good measure. This is where we are when we have allowed the government to amass this kind of power. They should have been stopped before the advent of smokeless powder, to say nothing of building an atomic bomb. No one should have that kind of power.

I am tired of the government waving a nuclear war in my face. What, do they think this makes me proud to be an American? Huh, I am ashamed to be an American, living under a government that is willing to kill every living thing on this planet over a dang political concept. Hey man, no government, flag, leader, regime, or ideology is worth killing every living thing on this planet over. For one thing, everyone on this planet didn’t sign up for that. What, does Bangladesh care who runs Estonia? I bet they’ve got more pressing concerns. For that matter, I doubt Jamaica is willing to join the United States government in collective suicide over what flag is flying over Latvia. Who speaks for everyone else here that just wants to live? See here, federal war criminals, you don’t get to decide the fate of this entire planet over some arcane political bull dung only you care about. Plainly spoken, it isn’t worth killing every living thing over. Nothing is.

The “bright side” of the story is justifying “stopping Russia now” by “strength”. Huh, really?! Seriously?! And what if Russia doesn’t back down? Right, bring up the tactical nuclear weapons, just like the battle plan from the good old days of the First Cold War. Or, let’s get into a conventional war with the Russians and lose a few hundred thousand lives before begging them for a cease-fire. Assuming we don’t lose that war and Russia decides it’ll take back Eastern Europe to prevent another war. Which is why the Soviets took Eastern Europe after World War Two. Hel-LO! And what did we do? Proved they were right to have done that because now we’ve corralled Eastern Europe into NATO, encircled Russia using them and the Baltics, and then parked an anti-ballistic missile system in Romania. Gee, that really showed Russia the United States government could be trusted.

So these are our choices, huh? A conventional war with Russia or a nuclear war. Or maybe one leading to another. Gosh, it’ll be a swell nuclear war! Well, if we’ve got the Cold War back, where’s the other doo-dads of the era like good shoes that didn’t cost a fortune, TV sitcoms that were actually funny, and Sir George’s Smorgasbord? Can’t we at least have a last meal before our collective execution at the hands of the United States government?