Why I Could Not Be President for More Than a Day

On election day in 2014, I gave twenty-five reasons why I could not be elected to office. Not a particular office, but any federal, state, or local office. But since the most non-libertarian and therefore the worst Libertarian Party presidential ticket in history is vying for the presidency, I thought that I, as a traditional, principled, and consistent libertarian, would focus on the office of the presidency.

The Libertarian Party presidential candidate, Gary Johnson, is excited about the relative increase in his poll numbers compared to previous Libertarian Party candidates for president. He seems to be forgetting that many Democrats hate Hillary, many Republicans hate Trump, and many Independents hate both of them. Support for Johnson has nothing to do with him being a principled libertarian, or even the flawed libertarian that he is. Johnson and his running mate, William Weld—both former Republican governors—would simultaneously wage war on bakers who refuse to bake cakes for homosexual couples and on ISIS.

So, what if a real libertarian; that is, a traditional, principled, and consistent libertarian, were to run for president in 2016? What kind of promises should he make? What sort of agenda should he propose? What should he say that King James, His Bible,... Laurence M. Vance Best Price: $14.36 Buy New $13.47 (as of 05:35 EDT - Details) he hopes to accomplish as president? During presidential election season, we always hear libertarians and Republicans talk about how they would abolish this or that federal agency or program. The truth is—and if they were honest they would admit it—that it is only if they were elected dictator that they could abolish these things like they say. They are ignoring the fact that they would still have a Constitution and a Congress to deal with.

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But supposing for a moment that a real libertarian were in the presidential race this year, what should he be saying that he would do if elected? I can’t speak for all libertarians, but I can speak for myself. I would take an entirely different approach to my duties as a libertarian president than the Johnson/Weld ticket. Like Trump, I would make American great again, but not in the way he envisions. I would also be the first president since Grover Cleveland (the last good Democrat) who actually followed the Constitution.

The supreme duty of a libertarian president would be to do whatever he could within his power to slay the federal leviathan, expose the deep state, dismantle the federal government, and destroy the welfare/warfare/national security/nanny/police state. A libertarian president would be a one-man wrecking ball or he would be a failure.

Now, since the chances of a real libertarian getting elected are nil, he should use the campaign as a soapbox to educate the American people about the virtues of libertarianism and the vices of the federal government.

Therefore, if I were a candidate, I would be saying that, within the bounds of the Constitution, as president—

I would sell all the land owned by the federal government outside of Washington, D.C.

I would issue an executive order rescinding all previous executive orders.

I would veto any bill relating to more than one subject and send Congress back to the drawing board.

I would stop taking trips to foreign countries.

I would splinter the CIA into a thousand pieces and then limit what was left of it to intelligence gathering only.

I would direct the Justice Department to only focus on real crimes, not things like insider trading, drug trafficking, or anti-trust.

I would inventory the nation’s gold supply.

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I would tear up the no-fly list.

I would personally padlock the front doors to the IRS headquarters. And then when the lock was removed after I left, I would encourage all Americans to quit paying their taxes.

I would order that all American troops stationed on foreign soil come home to the United States in an orderly, efficient, and safe manner, but as soon as possible.

I would end the training of foreign troops.

I would cease commenting on every tragic event that occurs in the United States and throughout the world.

I would cease traveling around the country to every crime scene and national disaster.

I would release all classified material relating to the assassination of JFK.

I would grant all Freedom of Information Act requests.

I would give Edward Snowden a medal.

I would withdraw from NATO and let the Europeans defend themselves.

I would stop taking sides in disputes between countries or entities within countries.

I would stop the United States from guaranteeing the security of other countries.

I would pardon all federal drug offenders and release them from prison as long as they were not actually guilty of a real crime.

I would end every facet of the U.S. embargo against Cuba.

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I would limit the actions of U.S. troops strictly to defense.

I would stop the United States from being the world’s policeman.

I would destroy the U.S. stockpile of nuclear weapons.

I would abolish the TSA and let airports and airlines handle their own security.

I would end all foreign aid.

I would reestablish the Jeffersonian foreign policy of peace, commerce, and honest friendship with all nations—entangling alliances with none.

I would allow anyone in the military who wants to leave before his term of enlistment is up to simply notify his commanding officer, gather up his belongings, and walk away. Of course, any solider doing so would forfeit any pension or medical benefits.

I would allow anyone to opt of Social Security.

I would stop negotiating phony free trade agreements and insist on real free trade.

I would close all foreign military bases and sell the property to the highest bidder in each country.

And last, but certainly not least, I would veto any bill that funds unconstitutional federal departments, programs, and agencies. This means bye-bye the Departments of Health and Human Services, Housing and Urban Development, Labor, Agriculture, Energy, Education, and Homeland Security. This means adios AMTRAK, the EPA, the CPB, NPR, the NEA, the NEH, the DEA, the ATF, the TVA, the SEC, the FCC, and the Appalachian Regional Commission. This means good riddance to hundreds of other federal programs and agencies that most Americans have never even heard of.

These are the types of things that I would be saying as a libertarian candidate for president.

So, assuming that I actually got elected, why could I not be president for more than a day? I would certainly be assassinated by elements inside or outside of the government—or both—before I made it through the first day.