Future Letter From a Socialist to President Trump

It’s 2019 and the fact that you and Vice President Cruz have decided to run for a second term deeply disturbs those of us who still care about this country. Like many true patriots, my wife and I voted for Sanders in 2016 and considered moving to France when you and that creepy Canadian won. We stayed and we regret it.

In just under four years, you have irrevocably changed this country for the worse. You said you would be hard on immigration and you lied. You let more people in from Western Europe, Canada, and Australia than any other president. While opening the floodgates to the Aryan barbarians, you shut the doors on those who really needed to be here—most notably, Mexicans and refugees. This lead to the death of thousands of Syrians in their home country, not to mention the slaughter of possibly millions of people all over Africa and the Middle East. Angela Merkel picked up the slack and it appears to have driven Germany into a civil war. When asked to atone for these sins you asked the chancellor, “What’s the German word for brassiere?” and added, “DasShouldStopEmFromFloppin.” This is likely the most ridiculous thing said by any president in history. My wife and I are very well educated, by the way, and we are both familiar with many European words. The German word for brassiere is likely something remarkably similar as English has its roots in German.

Without the affordable labor of undocumented workers, our youth were torn from their social lives and forced to do menial labor like a sad horde of indentured servants. In the summer, the streets are barren as adolescents mow lawns, clean pools, flip burgers, babysit kids, and do all the other jobs Americans shouldn’t have to do. You point out that the working and middle classes have never been wealthier without mentioning that the top 20% have grown at a much larger rate. This might be the biggest gap between rich and poor in American history. We all—rich and poor—need to go back down to a fairer income until we can get all the discrepancies worked out. That was Bernie’s plan and that’s what’s fair.

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