A Beauty Contest

Like you, I am getting many emails and posts asking me “Who won the debate?”     It’s premise-checking time, for sure.  There hasn’t been a real honest debate on television between politicians, ever.

As many have pointed out, there is certainly no such thing as a debate between 10 people.  But we do have some great models, pardon the pun, for such a competition, and Donald Trump actually could help with this.

The beauty contest system is a really good one, whether for a Miss America or one of those that little Honey Boo Boo used to participate in.   Against the State: An ... Rockwell Jr., Llewelly... Best Price: $5.02 Buy New $5.52 (as of 11:35 UTC - Details) There is the cuteness factor, basic attractiveness, costume and program creativity, and of course, everybody has a talent.

Other models of auditioning multiple people are the many and varied competition reality shows.  Survivor, the Amazing Race, Hunger Games, Naked and Afraid XL and Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders all come to mind as suitable for the Republican and Democrat “debates.”

The Republican lineup would make for a great reality show.  The real and refreshing entertainment we are already getting from Donald Trump’s fabulous campaign points to a bright future for the concept.

And boy, do we need it! Most of my Republican friends commented on how boring the second debate was, and I admit to feeling a little bored myself as I watched parts of it.  I think our expectations are just too high, and when asked the Hollywood question posed by the great movie gladiator Maximus Meridius “Are you not entertained?” — we have to say, well, not really.

We must be, should be, and deserve to be entertained, because by golly we pay a heck of a lot for the supremo-el capo-presidente- world leader we are “choosing.”  He or she might be a figurehead, but we pay the bill for their entire $2 trillion annual operation, both in actual depreciated money extracted from the our economy, and in a predicted (and near) national future of economic and ethical decimation delivered to our children and grandchildren.  This path we are on is deadly, frightening and sad, but we all saw “Life is Beautiful.”   Make it fun! Swords Into Plowshares... Paul, Ron Best Price: $4.00 Buy New $15.99 (as of 11:36 UTC - Details)

The GOP lineup is ready for a prime time weekly reality competition.  I’m optimistic that this proposal would work just as well for the Joe, Hill, and Bernie show.  In any case, we the people are damn sure ready for a competition we can really get into, someone we can root for.

Naturally, I have my favorites.  I’ll also cheer the embarrassment, scandal and destruction of several candidates (via carefully scripted and controlled 38 minute splice-ups each week).  I am curious to see what the candidates I don’t know well will do next.

Oh, the alliances that will be formed, dissolved, reformed!  A towering yet tiptoeing Jeb Bush with the strutting Huckabee and camera-ready Rubio would make a great team of vanities, suitable for going up against the three guys who really believe what they are saying – Rand, Trump and Carson.   Trump will ensure that both Dr. Carson and Dr. Paul are on his team.  In the wilderness you might need a doc, and two are better than one.   Having said that, Trump may also want Christie:  In any survival situation, you gotta maintain your fat and protein levels.  I’d call these the vicious pragmatists – well, Trump anyway.  Carly is the new belle of the ball, but she strikes me as one of those competitors who thinks she is in charge not realizing she is in bed with actual survivors who see her in a very different way, kind of like that famous democracy of two wolves and a sheep.  I see her leading initially, and attracting to her the remainders for a vice-presidential team, which I’ll call “Vice” for short.

So we have the Vanity, the Vicious Prags, and Vice.  Three teams good!  Hail to the V!  Tally-ho! Fire Tablet with Alexa... Best Price: $25.56 (as of 08:20 UTC - Details)

We need a combination of problem solving – under severe stress — as well as demonstration of physical strength and courage.  Instead of the hosts we have seen in the fake debates, Steve Austin ought to oversee the competition.

For problem solving, we will certainly need to deal with real problems the country faces?  The 47% who live off the 53%? What about the fat cats at the top with political power brokers and the Fed in their pocket – can we eat them, would it be healthy, and what happens next?  Questions of monetary policy, a free market versus market fascism, how people feel about their “rulers” and what about war against the weak, and not so weak?  Terrorism is a popular (who will use it, who will have it used on them?) and rule prohibition of a whole array of behaviors (and the sheer hypocrisy and whispered rationalizations on secret video) will serve the American viewing public well.   Interlopers and defections from one group to another as fortunes change will also reveal character and talent.

karen head shot benchIn terms of physical competition, why not have a golf tournament set up as a naked geo-caching race over rough terrain, using homemade clubs, with no food and drink!   This alone would ensure that the next president appreciates the many fine golf opportunities to come.

Each week, we finish off one of them, until the last man or woman is left standing.  This winner will be the wiliest one, the luckiest one, the one most likely to keep him or herself alive by working with others and having a fundamental skill set.  That most of these candidates are sociopathic goes without saying — their track record up to this point predicts this, and a little sociopathy can’t be all bad, right?  In any case, it makes for a gripping reality series, one that will engage the population, and give us all something to think about, talk about, and keep up with.  It will bring us together as a nation.  You’re welcome!

What do you say?  Help me hawk my idea to the networks!  But for now, I’m voting for the beauty queen who drives a digger.