Department of Defense Declares War on the Sun

Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Yemen, Syria, Russia, China; terrorists, communists, Ebola. Need a war? They have an enemy.

Not yet satiated, The Department of Defense has found a new one; Rachel Martin interviews Admiral David Titley.  Let’s leave the story-telling to them:

RM: The debate over climate change in this country has dramatically shifted over the years. The question is no longer whether climate change exists, but rather what can be done to slow its effects? And the U.S. Department of Defense is asking the same question.

I agree completely – there is no question that the climate is changing, much as has happened in every chapter of history.  Cold spells, Against the State: An ... Rockwell Jr., Llewelly... Best Price: $5.02 Buy New $5.52 (as of 11:35 EST - Details) warm spells, droughts, floods.  Almost like clockwork, the climate changes.

RM: This past week, the Pentagon released a report saying that rising temperatures pose an immediate threat to national security, and it outlined a plan to the crisis.

I guess the Navy has run out of wars to fight?  How is this a threat that the Navy can handle?

DT: So while I don’t think anybody claims that climate change caused the Arab Spring, there’s a lot of research that shows that it was probably one of the contributing factors.

Oh.  Blame it on the Arabs.  Those darn sun spots – they drive people crazy, I guess. Perhaps when the entire world gets as hot as the Arabian Desert, we will all become terrorists? Progressivism: A Prime... James Ostrowski Best Price: $8.99 Buy New $10.95 (as of 08:30 EST - Details)

The Admiral suggests that the battle for climate change will be fought in the Arctic.  Don’t worry, the interviewer is equally confused:

RM: Can you make the connection? Can you make the connection for me? Why would the U.S. military have to open up that front? Why would they be working in the Arctic?

DT: Oil and gas, I think many people know that some of the last greatest reserves of oil and gas are up in the Arctic.

So, the navy must protect access to oil and gas – one of the primary contributors (per the bogus science) of man-made global warming climate change?

RM: But how would the military respond? …What do you propose that the U.S. military be doing to combat climate Real Dissent: A Libert... Thomas E. Woods Jr. Best Price: $8.48 Buy New $7.93 (as of 03:10 EST - Details) change? Is there anything from a tactical level that can be done?

DT: Sure. So from a tactical level….

Tactical nukes – enough to lower the temperature a few degrees:

Nuclear winter (also known as atomic winter) is a hypothetical climatic effect of countervalue nuclear war. Models suggest that detonating dozens or more nuclear weapons on cities prone to firestorm, comparable to the Hiroshima city of 1945, could have a profound and severe effect on the climate causing cold weather and reduced sunlight for a period of months or even years by the emission of large amounts of the firestorms’ smoke and soot into the Earth’s stratosphere.

How about just lobbing twenty or thirty thousand warheads in the direction of the sun? Knock a few hundred thousand square kilometers of the Sun’s photosphere out of commission, diminishing the area from which energy is released?  Call it “Operation Enduring Winter.”

Just kidding, he didn’t say this.

Maybe they can attach a thermostat to the Sun.  Yeah, that’s it.

Reprinted with permission from Bionic Mosquito.