Recently by Becky Akers: Going to the Dogs
Hold onto your hat: this is gonna be a wild ride.
We begin with a plunge off the mountainside, a stunner so shocking we'll question our sanity: John "The Pervert" Pistole, Chief Deviant at the TSA, has finally done something – gulp – right.
Go ahead, try to recover: I'll wait. Deep breath, relax, and repeat. All set?
OK, let's try it again. The Pervert, who legalized routine sexual assault on the public at large – an atrocity no regime anywhere, however brutal or totalitarian, has ever previously attempted or even contemplated –, has behaved laudably.
To wit, he stood up to the even more reprehensible lowlifes in Congress.
And poor Perv is taking heat for it, too. The TSA's army of critics – yay, guys, go! Pulverize this filthy, vile agency! – has excoriated him across the internet. "TSA claims Congress has no jurisdiction over it; refuses to attend hearings," screams one while another's headline blares, "TSA Claims It Is Above Congressional Oversight." As the latter explains, "The TSA has refused to attend a House Transportation hearing … , with agency head John Pistole personally refusing to appear and declaring that the Congressional Committee has u2018no jurisdiction over the TSA'. The hearing … [was] held by the Subcommittee on Aviation, a part of the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee (TIC). It is titled HOW BEST TO IMPROVE OUR NATION'S AIRPORT PASSENGER SECURITY SYSTEM THROUGH COMMON SENSE SOLUTIONS."
As such, this dog-and-pony show was one in an endless series of such "hearings" by various committees and subcommittees, all with similarly tiresome, falsely positive, PR-type headings. Your Intrepid Reporter has commented on several of these monstrosities. They're as common as corrupt politicians and do absolutely nothing to "improve" the TSA (an impossibility anyway, as absurd as "improving" cancer) or even change it. In fact, over the years that Congress has wasted its time and our money on this nonsense, the TSA has degenerated, if that's possible, going from an annoying, dangerous, and completely unconstitutional horror to an annoying, dangerous, completely unconstitutional, gate-raping and porno-scanning horror.
Even The Perv noted the multiplicity of these hearings – and the TSA's usual attendance at them. In a "Statement in Response to House T[ransporation] & I[nfrastructure] Subcommittee Request for TSA to Participate in Aviation Security Hearing," The Perv announced, "In the 112th Congress alone, TSA witnesses have testified at 38 hearings and provided 425 briefings for Members of Congress." Bingo. And has that achieved anything beyond providing make-work for the otherwise unemployable in Washington DC? Have passengers traipsed to an airport after any of these hearings and breathed freedom's fresh air sans blue-shirted thugs interrogating and strip-searching them?
And so I reluctantly submit that we should applaud The Perv for calling Congress on its charade. Here are politicians hoping to score points with us beleaguered serfs by scolding our assailants – all while continuing to "appropriate" the plunder that pays said assailants and buys their toys, whose manufacturers kick back-sorry, contribute to the politicians' campaigns. It's a tidy system in which only the serfs lose, nor has Congress any intention whatever of ending it. The Perv simply wearied of his duty as punching bag – though I grin as I imagine his fear of actual justice given his objections to Congress' anemic slaps on the wrist.
Notice, too, that Perv didn't defy Congress, as his legion of enemies charge, but only a committee he insists has no jurisdiction. That's not to say the TSA doesn't routinely flout Congress' dictates, proving that appointed rather than elected leeches control the country (and if we want to recover our freedom, we must extirpate the bureaucracies as well as the political offices.) To cite just two of hundreds of examples, an "acting director" at the TSA "refused to provide members of Congress with the newest version of the TSA’s screening manual," while another minion shrugged at the Senate's rebuke after he violated the Privacy Act.
Add to these institutional insults the personal ones the TSA's brutes have visited on congresscriminals. After Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) voted against unionizing the TSA, its lackeys "singled him out" for porno-scanning. And who can forget Rand Paul's "detainment"? Most recently, we learned that LaWanda exposed the chest of a 17-year-old girl whose uncle happens to be Rep. Ralph Hall (R-TX).
You might think such challenges would have long ago driven Congress to annihilate the TSA. Alas, no. Even when the agency degrades their womenfolk, these wusses don't take a horsewhip to Perv and his ruffians. Instead, they mewl for a "federal investigation." If the TSA spits on Congress, it's because these nauseating sissies merely wipe it off and slink away with muttered thanks.
Meanwhile, The Perv seems to be factually correct when he claims the Transportation and Infrastructure Committee [TIC] lacks power over the TSA. But we won't take his word for it; heck, we wouldn't take this perpetual liar's word on where the sun rises. Still, it's curious that if TIC wields the authority over the TSA that its outgoing chairman, John "The Toupee" Mica (R-FL], claims, its website doesn't mention it. Under "Jurisdiction," TIC lists "Issues and agencies," including several of the latter by name ("Federal Aviation Administration…National Transportation Safety Board…"). But "Transportation Security Administration" is noticeably absent.
That didn't daunt The Toupee. Recall that this weasel and utter hypocrite says he created the TSA (until he first asserted this 2 or 3 years ago, I never heard anyone – neither the media nor his fellow politicians – credit this equally perpetual liar with such a crime). But now he pretends to despise his hatchling: "Unfortunately, … this mushrooming agency has spun out of control…" he thundered in answer to Perv's no-show. Rich, isn't it? Rather like a murderer's lamenting that his hatchet "spun out of control" to leave a trail of traumatized victims behind him, much to his helpless bewilderment.
But whether or not The Toupee established the TSA, he and his fellow sociopaths hold its purse-strings. Far from "spinning out of control," the TSA dances only as long as Congress pays the piper.