Show Prep Re-do An evening at the DNC

Recently by Brian Wilson: Non Fishin'

For the blissfully uninitiated, "show prep" is what conscientious talk show hosts do between naps.

(Some would say "during naps"….some would say "conscientious?!" But I digress).

The Silly Season is underway! RNC down; DNC to go! The Carnival of Lies hasn’t begun and I’m already getting a parade of lame excuses: “It’s Bush’s fault.” “The Republican didn’t play nice.” “Teddy was sick that day.” “Harry Reed is senile.” "Nancy Pelosi is off her meds!" There's an old saying claimed by every branch of the Armed Services: “Excuses are like (a certain sphincter), everybody’s got one.”

And what is this “Incomplete” bovine scatology? Maybe if he spent less time on the golf course, he could have finished his presidential assignments on time. “Incomplete” is just a cheap dodge to avoid the “F” you’ll get otherwise.

Then there is the insult of assuming we are too stupid to understand economic numbers. Obama created a zillion jobs and the phony government unemployment number still climbs to 8.3%. Don’t wiz on my leg and tell me it’s raining. 2% GDP growth means the economy is on empty and coasting downhill. More people than ever before are on food stamps because we are better off than we were four years ago?

Obama grades himself “incomplete,” blames our economic disaster on Bush and the Republicans and tells us he has created a better economy. Even his lies are inconsistent. The Democrats are sitting at the bottom of a hole claiming a panoramic view from their lofty perch.

They have to pay bums and bus Sunday school classes into the convention to fill the seats. No politician with a career wants to be seen with Obama. The campaign’s responses to questions have become delusional. They can’t even answer simple questions about their platform. Obama takes credit for states that haven’t gone bankrupt.

Obama is clueless. He has a vice president with more feet in his mouth than teeth. He runs clips of the greatest icon of presidential failure, Jimmy Carter. He needs his wife to reintroduce him to the

American people because we have learned who he really is. He needs Monica Lewinsky’s boyfriend to get out the base that thinks Obama a joke. Obama is a man without substance. A fool in the bright light of common sense. Obama is a child devoid of wisdom and empathy. He is the four horsemen riding against Freedom.

Oh – this is rich. They have dug up Ted Kennedy for a wake of lies. Isn't it strange how no one remembers a young woman left to drown? That is Teddy’s real legacy. Now we have the dead Teddy attacking Romney. No doubt, Teddy and his brothers will be voting for Obama. Several times. Teddy's dream is free men’s nightmare. Excuse me while I empty my barf bag. Enough CNN – let’s try Fox Business Network….

Now I have to watch Democrats dodging questions on FBN. Isn’t there a way to cover the Democratic Convention without talking to Democrats? Can Obama be elected on a campaign of slander? Obama has gone from “hope and change” to “fear and doubt.” I fear I don’t have enough beer to suffer this circus. And I doubt I have the stomach to watch all five hours of coverage.

16 trillion! Let’s see Romney top that! Now an Obama liar is explaining the 16 trillion isn’t Obama’s debt. Between the lies, the liar inserted, “you are too stupid to appreciate the president’s economic genius.” Wow, that’s the kind of talk that will get my vote!

(Note: I’m not putting down names because it doesn’t matter. All the Democrats are interchangeable idiots. They all come out, lie, slander, insult and leave a sour taste in the mouth of any reasonable person. Off to FNC….

Oh crap! The Jackass Show! Off to MSNBC…

A commercial, no one wants to cover the speech taking place. Lies have been replaced by inane babble. The words are so devoid of meaning they do not even rise to the level of lies. Off to CNN…

The same lair from a previous channel is telling the same lies. They switched to the speech. Where is that manure spreader I was pricing today? I should have it now.

Excuse me while I get my hip boots.

Excuse me again; I’ll need a wet suit and scuba gear for this.

Republicans blocked everything Obama tried to do and Obama accomplished more than anyone in history. Who writes this crap for these chuckleheads? I wrote SNL sketches better than this – and twice as credible!

Note to Self: Consider career change to Political Speech Writer. Only work every 2 years. Credibility not required.

Note to Obama: Find out who was that dude your wife was talking about. She may be sleeping with him.

The speeches are not so warm and fuzzy when you speak liberal. When you hear the words from their hearts not their lying mouths. When you see the ugliness of their evil souls, their words are without comfort. Yes, it was a great side show as once sold by carnivals now past. A collection of freaks at which the marks can gape. A geek biting the head off a chicken. Live and Direct! In Living Color! The donkey has been eaten by a snake. Liberty is a bearded lady. Freedom, the alligator boy. Justice the two-headed cow. This is a political choice? Projectile vomiting begins here.

And finally, the delegates file out of the Hall of Delusion with their Kool-Aid mustaches ear to ear. A testament to lemmings choosing suicide over reality. Four more years of Freedom crushing socialism.

As someone famous once asked: With friends like these, who needs enemas?

Note to self: Buy more beer.