Universal Government

The cost of government has exploded in recent years and if we don't act fast, the price will continue to soar, eventually leaving affordable government out of the reach of many.

Already we have millions of people without government. You see them all around you, hanging out on street corners, unemployed, smoking pot, begging. Without explicitly provisioning for more government, we will be responsible for these people anyway. We will have to taser them and jail them and feed them. And that will mean an even higher cost of government.

We are on the brink of disaster. And we can clearly see that the private sector has failed. Unbridled capitalism has failed. Competition among greedy, self-centered individuals has utterly failed to lower the price of government. Only a public plan can hope to stall the rapid and unsustainable growth in government.

Many people have already written to, called, or visited their legislators about this current crisis. One woman broke down in tears when describing her life without government. Fortunately, a kindly and gracious politician immediately provided her some life-saving government, but without drastic, quick action, millions of other Americans will die without equal access.

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With the new public option, people who wish to remain at their current level of government can do so, but those who are ready to step boldly into the future can opt in. The new plan offers not only more government, but also better, more affordable government. The essential insight is to allow those who opt into the public option to not bear the costs of the plan. They can all get more government for free.

Indeed, with more government, we can lower the cost of all government. Administrative overhead will be minimized. Organizational synergies can be effected. Just imagine how convenient it will be to pick up your government at the same place where you get your mail or recycle your garbage.

And it is not only that the direct costs of government will be lowered with more government: there are numerous indirect costs that will fall as well. Our justice system is plagued with multiple private competitors suing each other over frivolous contract and intellectual property violations. Individuals also sue corporations for fraud or breach of contract, and vice versa. Many of these inefficient judicial proceedings can be replaced with a single, effective federal agency in charge of dispute resolution. The whole process can be streamlined to ensure quick, accurate, and fair decisions to any conflict.

Furthermore, not only can we make government better, cheaper, and more efficient by making it larger, we can also leverage these same principles and apply them to other vital issues. We have been fighting wars all across the globe for decades with no end in sight. We have been legislating against climate change for years. We have been regulating financial entities and maintaining a tight grip on health care. We have been monopolizing the price of money.

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We have been going about it all wrong. The right solution is more. (The left solution is also more.) More soldiers will end the war faster. More legislation will end pollution. More regulation will stop our economic malaise and make everyone healthier. A bigger, more secretive Federal Reserve will be able to issue more money and keep the currency stronger.

But these changes should not be incremental or marginal. The mistake we have been making is to think that we need "just a little more" to accomplish our goals. This is an error. There is no single piece of legislation short enough to be read by those voting for it that can do what needs to be done.

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To have maximal effect, we need sweeping new legislation and powers. Powers so sweeping, we won't know for years or decades what they really mean. In some cases, we may never find out. In the days and weeks to come, you will be introduced to a variety of new agencies, committees, and entities formed for the purpose of reducing the costs of government and increasing the availability of government to all. To the extent certain unavoidable payments are to be incurred, they will be paid for through debt and various esoteric operations by the Fed. And not to worry — even the future interest payments will be paid for through new debt issues as needed.

We have indeed discovered a way to guarantee more government to everybody with nobody of consequence paying more. We will be putting this plan into action immediately, with or without your approval, so you are encouraged to publicly express support for the plan in order to be among the first to receive your generous share of the increased government.

A glorious new world order is right around the corner, if only we have the courage and conviction to see it through. Perhaps someday we can all live in a world where no one wants any more government.

August 4, 2009