Dear Dubya: You're Stylin' Now!


Yo Dude! What is that bodacious bauble blazoned on your breast?! Is that what I think it is? Are you wearing a… medal? You look fit to bust with pride. One might think you had accomplished some sort of dangerous mission like telling Laura that you are out of gin.

And it’s not just any medal is it? It’s a Purple Heart! Tres Chic oh Magnificent Moron in Chief.

Where the heckers did you get that!? Kinda makes you look like Idi Amin or Benito Mussolini. Well, if you got it, flaunt it!

Exactly when (and where?) were you wounded in combat? As I recall… probably much better than you do… Daddy Bush pulled some strings and you skipped out on any combat when you were at prime cannon fodder age. You Dynastic Bushes sure are sneaky devils.

So let me take a guess. How did you get wounded? You were drunk, dancing naked on top of a table and you fell off. No?

Well, it seems Vietnam War veteran Bill Thompson is a recipient of not one but three Purple Hearts legitimately earned for his service to the country when he was wounded in combat. Thompson and his wife, Georgia, decided to give you one of his. What a nice guy! Now that’s supporting your Democratic Dictator!

In Bill’s words: "We feel emotional wounds and scars are as hard to carry as physical wounds." However delusional you may be my Dear Leader Guy, neither did you get PTSD from taking questions from Helen Thomas nor did you suffer wounds when watching Keith Olbermann.

Well, Bill is entitled to do what he wants with his Purple Heart even if that means flushing it down the toilet. Which seems to be exactly what he’s done with this one.

Who am I to pass judgment anyway? In Bill’s opinion it seems you, The Commander Guy, have suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!

Hm… I think that you have been the beneficiary of a force field protecting you from those slings and arrows. But your fortune certainly is outrageous!

The wounds for which you are being decorated are hurt feelings as a result of that cruel Democratic Congress, that unfeeling Pelosi woman and the anger of 62 per cent of the American public. Poor baby! Time to get out the snuggly blue blankey!

As well, journalists number among those who have wounded your feelings. Therefore, writers like myself have had a hand in this? Cool! Looks like some of the Fourth Estate has been doing its job.

So! Where’s my medal? Where’s my Purple Heart? Slings and arrows? I’ll tell you about slings and arrows. Would you like to peruse my file of pro-Bush hate mail?

Lemme tell you Dubya Dude, back in the days when Americans were keen supporters of your War Party, I was the lucky recipient of heaps of hate mail. I’ve saved every one in the file labeled: "Free Speech."

There are plenty of courageous writers in whose shadows I stand. Let’s start passing out those Purple Hearts to all the patriotic writers who have defended the First Amendment by writing factual articles that rain on the neocon parade.

And while we’re at it: what about the Congressional Medal of Honor? Don’t you think defending the Constitution of the United States against enemies foreign and domestic qualifies for one? Let’s honor those who have tried to stop that schmuck in the Oval Office who is bent on destroying that which he swore to defend.

First on the list? Seymour Hersh. Then there’s John Pilger, Justin Raimondo, Keith Olbermann, Uri Avnery, Jimmy Carter, Valerie Plame, Joe Wilson, John Dean, Dahr Jamial, Karen Kwiatkowski, Lew Rockwell, Chris Floyd, Robert Parry, Mike (in Tokyo) Rogers, Frank Rich, Jacob Hornberger, Noam Chomsky, Christopher Ketcham, Riverbend, Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, Eric Margolis, Charlie Reese, Fred Reed, Michael Gaddy, Jason Leopold, Jeff Halper, William Rivers Pitt, Kelpie Wilson, Greg Palast, Ehren Watada, Howard Dean, Dennis Kucinich, Ron Paul, General John Batiste… there’s thousands of deserving honorees.

But, back to that Purple Heart of yours, I am confused. How come you didn’t wear that shiny new medal when the Queen of England came over for dinner? Did you decide not to wear the medal because the Queen and Prince Philip might have asked to see the wound? Do you feel awkward wearing a medal bearing on it the image of a real president and patriot, George Washington? Is it conceivable that the contents of your Cro-Magnon cranium contain an inkling of the difference between right and wrong? More likely, you simply forget where you put it. Try looking in Adhamiya. It’ll be "safe" there, thanks to you.

Regarding his gift to you of a Purple Heart, Bill Thomas commented: "He didn’t feel like he had earned it."

Well Decider Guy, why don’t you put your worthlessness… oops I mean worthiness, to the test? Here’s the perfect scientific experiment. Pin that Purple Heart to your left breast and parade through the wards at the Walter Reed Ghetto. Let’s see what the men and women rotting there have to say about it.

Elizabeth Gyllensvard contributed to and edited this story.