Are You Really Ready for Libertarian Vice President?

The New Hampshire Libertarian Party convention has decided that I will be their vice presidential pick for 2008. Even though I wasn’t in attendance, nor gave any formal statement, it’s a great honor to be associated with libertarianism in the great state of New Hampshire.

I have no campaign web site, no campaign, no written platform, and no plans.

However, I have been thinking about the whole concept of libertarian government, libertarian campaigns, libertarian politics. What does it all mean? What are the values and the value of such government, such campaigns, such politics?

I don’t have many answers yet — but let me tell you what I will do if I were given Dick Cheney’s job.

First, I’ll clean house. The classified computer systems supporting NSA, CIA, and DIA systems (as well as those paid for by the RNC) shall be auctioned off (along with their data) to the highest bidder — foreign or domestic. Associated papers and files will also go. Yes, we’ll keep copies for the Dick Cheney library to be opened decades from now. But any secrets worth knowing are already widely known by our friends and enemies, and most of what remains is more incriminating than enlightening. I’d like to give the stuff away, but neither the Congress, the Justice Department, nor the mainstream media seem very interested in exposing the truth about (or prosecuting) Dick Cheney and his minions. Therefore, I’m expecting the high bidder for the hard drives, safes and file cabinets will probably be War Offices of Dick Cheney, Inc. I’m sure the U.S. Treasury will be happy to get the money back.

Second, on behalf of the American people, I’ll sublet the place to a private entrepreneur who can make good use of the Naval Observatory facilities and grounds. I have a nice place a few hours drive from DC, and like so many other "public servants," I will commute.

Third, my calendar will be unclassified. It will also be uncluttered, as I intend to be in town only once every six weeks. During my trips to the capitol, I will visit Congressmen and women who make an honest effort to adhere to the Constitutional limits the founders tried to set, and cast any votes to break Senatorial ties. Senate ties are rare. Rarer still are congressmen who care one whit about constitutional guidance or limits, so even on that one day, I’ll have little to do. I won’t need to answer letters, emails or calls from young schoolchildren, devoted citizens and energetic lobbyists. Instead, all earnest believers in the glory of government will be advised pro forma that their time is far better spent doing something constructive, creative, and productive than paying any attention to the flutterings, legislative drama and utter bankruptcy in Washington, DC.

Fourth, like any decent Vice President of the United States, I’ll be available frequently (from my home, any day of the week) to talk to radio personalities like Rush, my good friend Sean Hannity, and so many others who claim to speak for the average patriotic American. I’ll take callers, and chat about what’s happening, and what ought to be happening. I’ll tell Sean and Rush "No please, call me Karen!" I’ll be humble and self-effacing. I won’t use talking points, but if I receive any from lobbyists, lawyers, or even the President, I’ll be sure to tell people what I’ve been told to say, followed by what I really think. It should be great fun.

Fifth, I’ll turn back any salary. The job I do will be a public service. Plus, I won’t be working much. And when I continuously talk about a force-free and fearless world at home and abroad, even the urgent calls from Sean and Rush will stop.

Sixth, as any modern Vice President, I will use my public position to favor, publicize and promote certain issues and organizations. I’ll push for freedom, anarcho-capitalism, and unalienable rights here at home. Globally, I’ll do my part to promote institutions and organizations that support the cause of true liberty, real economics, honest scientific debate, and absolute non-aggression.

Well, that’s my plan for the Vice Presidency of the United States, 2009—2013. Unlike William Tecumseh Sherman, if nominated, I will run, and elected, I will serve…as noted above. Thanks for your support!

P.S. Soon, my plan for the presidency, just in case.

Political Theatre

LRC Blog

LRC Podcasts