In an act seen as macabre by most of the world, even by staunch stand-up allies like Bulgaria, President Bush ordered American troops to exhume up 100,000 Iraqi civilians that had been killed since the American invasion began and plunge feeding tubes into their stomachs.
This was all begun after having failed to place the same mechanism back into an American woman who was in a persistent vegetative state in the U.S. and had had her feeding tube removed by a court order.
"Our President doesn't like to lose, especially an issue as important as this one" a White House spokesman sternly suggested.
The President appeared briefly at a "news conference," and suggested it was a kind of "shock and awe' action to let the rest of the world see how Americans really value human life."
A reporter from a biannual floral arrangement periodical called "Pollen and Chains," asked the President if he didn't "think this was a controversial stance to take in a culture of death."
The President replied, "Sometimes, Hinky, you just have to u2018shoot straight and let the chips fall where they may,' some issues are beyond negotiable, things like life and freedom."
After the question by Newsman "Hinky" the President left the lectern and several questions seemed to echo throughout the room as they where shouted by several seemingly frustrated White House Press Corps members at the same time, and then hastily died and were forgotten. The airing of the "press conference" quickly cut to the coverage of a child molestation accusation against a very important celebrity.
Meanwhile the President stopped, gracefully turned and looked back into the Press Room and quietly but authoritatively stated that, "Halliburton received the no bid contract to exhume, because certain speed and efficiency were needed for so critical a task."
The door quietly closed.
And I think I heard a reporter from Fox News implore, "God speed."
March 31, 2005