Trouble in Deep Space

In Freedom, Inequality, Primitivism and the Division of Labor, Murray Rothbard highlighted the difficultly involved in attempting to parody left-wing victimology. One of Rothbard’s friends thought he could jokingly invent a class of oppressed victims: short people who suffer from society’s "heightism." Rothbard pointed out to his friend that this had already been done, however the originator of this idea, Professor Saul D. Feldman, a sociologist at Case-Western Reserve, was serious.

Like left-wing victimology, NASA’s Space Shuttle program is such an absurdity, that parody is difficult. For example, one of the experiments on the Columbia’s last mission was a joint effort with some high school students from Syracuse, NY. A colony of ants was sent into space to compare the ants’ digging habits in space against a control ant colony on Earth. Student Brad Miller, apparently with a straight face, described the scientific value of this experiment, "Someday if we colonize another planet, the results of this study will prove to be useful in determining whether living beings can adapt there."

Difficult as a NASA parody is, a 1994 episode of the The Simpsons aired that was titled, "Deep Space Homer." While the NASA parody was not the show’s only goal, there was no shortage of laughs at NASA’s expense. The plot, as it pertains to NASA, is that NASA’s TV ratings are falling and something must be done about it. The ratings crisis is depicted in the TV news coverage of a Tom Brokaw clone with another reporter and in the exchange between NASA executive Jack Stillwater and scientist Dr. Babcock:

Tom: It's a lovely day for a launch, here, live at Cape Canaveral, at the lower end of the Florida Peninsula, and the purpose of today's mission is truly, really electrifying.

Man 2: That's correct, Tom. The lion's share of this flight will be devoted to the study of the effects of weightlessness on tiny screws.

Tom: Unbelievable, and just imagine the logistics of weightlessness. And of course, this could have literally millions of applications here on Earth – everything from watchmaking to watch repair.

Tom: Now let's look at the crew a little.

Man 2: They're a colorful bunch. They've been dubbed "the Three Musketeers." Heh heh heh –

Tom: And we laugh legitimately. There's a mathematician, a different kind of mathematician, and a statistician.

Meanwhile, at Mission Control...

Dr. Babcock: Sir, we've run into a serious problem with the mission. These Nielsen ratings are the lowest ever. [holds a piece of paper]

Jack Stillwater: Oh my God...we've been beaten by "A Connie Chung Christmas!"

NASA executives, to find a solution to their TV ratings problem so the tax dollars can keep rolling in, call a meeting:

Stillwater: People, we're in danger of losing our funding. America isn't interested in space exploration any more.

After watching some popular TV shows to get a feel for what the public likes:

Researcher: Why, they're all a bunch of blue-collar slobs!

Stillwater: People, that's who we need for our next astronaut.

Dr. Babcock: I suggest a lengthy, inefficient search, at the taxpayers' expense, of course.

Stillwater: I wish there was an easier way.

After a grueling three weeks of training, Homer is selected as NASA’s newest astronaut, or "averagenaut." Once Homer is on board the shuttle named "Corvair"* with two real astronauts, Buzz Aldrin and Race Banyon, the hilarity continues:

Buzz: Mission Control, this is Corvair. Launch sequence initiated. All systems go.

Homer: Are we there yet? I'm thirsty.

Race: Mission Control, request permission to sedate cargo ahead of schedule.

Controller: Permission denied.

Race: Payload checklist. IRS surveillance satellite –

Buzz: Check.

Race: Ant farm –

Buzz: Check.

Race: Children's letters to God –

Buzz: Check.

Back at Mission Control, all is well:

Dr. Babcock: Sir, the TV ratings for the launch are the highest in ten years.

Everyone: Yay!

Stillwater: And how's the spacecraft doing?

Dr. Babcock: I dunno. All this equipment is just used to measure TV ratings.

Soon after launch, Homer opens a bag of potato chips, which in the weightless environment float all over the shuttle, threatening to clog the instruments. As Homer floats around the shuttle eating the chips to the tune of Strauss’ "The Blue Danube Waltz," he accidentally breaks the case holding the ant colony. Buzz Aldrin is horrified:

Buzz: You fool! Now we may never know if ants can be trained to sort tiny screws in space!

As the ants and the crew float around the shuttle, images of the scene are beamed back to Earth for the evening news. The ants are very close to the monitor and thus appear very large. Walter Cronkite knock-off, Kent Brockman, gives a commentary which reminds us of our own lapdog media:

Kent: Ladies and gentlemen, er, we've just lost the picture, but, uh, what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has been taken over – "conquered," if you will – by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earthmen or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain, there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

The solution to the problem ultimately comes from singer/songwriter James Taylor, on hand to play music for the crew:

Taylor: Ants, huh? We had quite a severe ant problem at the vineyard this year. I had Art Garfunkel come by with his compressor, and we created a total vacuum outside the house, and we blew the ants out the front door. But I'm sure you high-tech NASA people could care less about our resort-town ways.

In spite of Homer’s high jinx, the crew makes it safely back to Earth.

Throughout the entire episode, NASA is portrayed as a band of bunglers worried only about the continued flow of taxpayer money to their virtually worthless enterprise. Obviously, there are competent and dedicated people at the real NASA. However their genuine interest in science and space exploration is wasted in a bureaucratic culture that produces the antithesis to valuable science and true exploration.

* The "Corvair" name for the space shuttle is taken from the '60’s Chevrolet Corvair, targeted (unfairly) by Ralph Nader in his book Unsafe at Any Speed.

February 13, 2003

Greg Davis [send him mail] writes from Arizona.

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