Mr. Idiot Speaks

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by Becky Akers: Versus



2006, the courageous Ryan Bird from Wisconsin

approached a checkpoint after writing "Kip Hawley is an Idiot”
on the plastic bag said idiot had decreed for passengers' toiletries.
You can predict what happened next: the TSA's goons "detained"
Ryan for 25 minutes to punish his feistiness.

We'll trust
Ryan finally if tardily arrived at his destination and has thereafter
avoided airports. Otherwise, little has changed in the last six
years. The Idiot's mental capacity is still half that of wallpaper,
even if his circumstances now differ: he forsook his cushy seat
as the TSA's Alpha Male when the Republicrats lost the political
football to the Demopublicans in 2008. That fumble eventually subjected
aviation to the tender mercies of John "The Pervert" Pistole.
Idiot was a tough act to follow with his 3.2-ounce nonsense and
his baggies to neutralize explosive Listerine and cologne, but The
Perv managed to exceed this abuse. Under his suzerainty, the TSA's
thugs gate-rape and ogle us. It's enough to induce nostalgia for
mere lunacy from The Idiot rather than The Perv's outright sexual

Perhaps that
emboldened The Idiot to write a book (and no, I will neither read
nor review it: good gracious, there are limits to the risks Your
Intrepid Reporter will run, and addling my wits courtesy of The
Idiot's pablum lies far beyond that boundary), the dying
Palgrave Macmillan to publish it, and the equally moribund War
State Journal to feature 2500 words from The Idiot
his tract. (The Journal restricts ordinary serfs to "600
to 1,200 jargon-free words
" on its op-ed page; maybe that's
why The Idiot's screed appears in "Life and Culture."
That section doesn't post its requirements on length, but another
on which I randomly clicked numbered around 900 words.)

The TSA's multitudes
of enemies have gleefully hailed The Idiot's article because of
such lines as "Airport security [sic] in America is
broken … [TSA] end[s] up on the evening news when someone’s grandma
gets patted down [sic for u2018sexually molested'] or a child’s
toy gets confiscated [sic for u2018stolen'] as a security risk.
If you’re a frequent traveler, you probably hate us"–bingo,
Idiot, but so does everybody else–"… it is a national embarrassment
that our airport security [sic] system remains so hopelessly
bureaucratic and disconnected from the people whom it is meant to
protect [sic for u2018dominate']."

The fanatical
statists out there, including the staff at Palgrave and the Journal,
may listen now that even the TSA's former kingpin admits, "Airport
security has to change. The relationship between the public and
the TSA has become too poisonous to be sustained." But I doubt
it. Editors who can overlook toddlers'
screaming as the agency's pedophiles fondle them
and a manhandled
aren't likely to suddenly condemn these crimes against
humanity because an acolyte of the God-State confesses that the
deity's gilding is cracked.

The Idiot deliciously and completely proves his credentials as imbecile.
"I arrived [at the TSA] in 2005," he
tells us
as though auditioning in the role of Mr. Smith for
Frank Capra, "with naive notions of wrangling the organization
into shape, only to discover the power of the TSA’s bureaucratic
momentum and political pressures." Breathes there a dumbed-down
prisoner of the public schools, even at the elementary level, who
doesn't understand that "bureaucracy" and "politics"
not only characterize but are the sine qua non of government?
Sorry, Idiot, no sympathy for you.

What's even
more damning is that after a review, albeit brief and euphemistic,
of the TSA's incompetence, The Idiot does not recommend the only
sensible solution, abolition. Rather, he fantasizes that we can
"fix" this bureaucracy of profoundly deceptive deviants
and offers five suggestions for doing so. I need quote only one
to illustrate how sadly, stunningly stupid Our former Ruler is:
TSA officers
[sic for u2018sociopaths'] more flexibility
…TSA officers should have more discretion to interact with passengers…"
Right. Any more "flexibility" or "interaction with
passengers," and they'll
be gang-banging victims
right on the concourse's floor.

But what else
than such drivel would we expect from a loser who also credits the
TSA's feeble-minded, blue-shirted terrorists with "well-trained,
engaged brains
" and insists against all evidence that "No
security agency on earth has the experience and pattern-recognition
skills of TSA officers." Ahhhhh, so that's why they
mistake Granny and Junior for Al Qaeda's newest recruits, all that
"experience" and "skill" at "pattern-recognition."
(Yo, Journalites: I thought we were striving for "jargon-free"
prose here.)

I asked Bogdan
Dzakovic his opinion of The Idiot's maunderings. Bogdan is to the
federal stranglehold on aviation what Ron Paul is to Congress: a
man whose intelligence and integrity throw into even darker relief
the corrupt morons around him. Bogdan's
an expert on
who regularly blew
the whistle on the feds' malfeasance and threats to passengers

until the TSA exiled him to a cubbyhole in 2002. There he safely,
innocuously stuffs envelopes and photocopies fliers instead of embarrassing
the security theater's managers.

had earlier told me
that "'the bigger threat' to our well-being
isn't terrorists … but u2018our own government's knee-jerk reaction'
to them." Yep, this hero sees things as they are, not as Our
Rulers decree.

No wonder Bogdan
began his response to me with the reminder that "when Kip Hawley
was in charge of TSA, … there was … a website where you could go
to get coffee cups, t-shirts, hats etc with his face and the words,
u2018Kip Hawley is an idiot.'  I’m serious."

See why I like

He continued
that The Idiot "is right about airport security being broken,
but for the wrong reasons … His comments that the hardened cockpit
doors will prevent another 911 hijacking are wrong.  The doors
should have been constructed as double-hulled doors (two doors in
which only one could be opened at a time).  We practiced breaching
cockpit doors when I was an air marshal and it only takes a moment.  On
long flights pilots/flight attendants constantly open the doors.

"The sad
thing is that even if TSA was motivated to fix things, they couldn’t
do it.  The managers at TSA simply don’t have the intellectual
and professional skills.  I work at TSA HQ and the main
thing we do is service the bureaucracy.  Those that support
the bureaucracy are rewarded and those that don’t are ostracized. 
TSA should be disbanded, make the industry protect itself."

So there you
have it, folks: wisdom that the Journal and the rest of the
corporate media will go bankrupt, praise God, rather than print.

19, 2012

Akers [send her mail] writes
primarily about the American Revolution.

Best of Becky Akers

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