Recently, Israel killed some more “terrorists.” I guess it was more than usual, but I don’t pay much attention to what’s happening in other countries. I prefer to concentrate on domestic issues, considering how every major politician continues to neglect them. That’s how we became the World’s Wealthiest Banana Republic.
We are told that our government’s favorite little nation recently used pagers and walkie talkies to blow up what Israel claims were “senior leaders” of Hezbolah. Well, what else are you going to do with a “senior leader” of Hezbolah? I’m reminded of the excellent South Park episode on the Homeless, where after an autopsy on one of them, a maniacal doctor exclaims, “My God! They’re almost human!” I must admit I’m disappointed; all that money to the world’s smallest “democracy,” and they are forced to use pagers to “defend themselves?” That is so 1990s. But Israel wasn’t just blowing up “terrorists” with antiquated devices. They also were busy killing hundreds of women, children, and paramedics in Lebanon. To be fair, they had pretty much ignored the Lebanese since 2006. We must never forget; the Israelis are perpetually permitted to “defend themselves.” From Lebanon. Syria. Iran. Homeless Palestinians.
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Who knew that “terrorist” leaders were hiding in Lebanon since 2006? And all this time, I thought it was Iran that was the “state sponsor of terrorism.” Maybe they can find some old exploding 8-track players to use on “senior leaders” in Iran. But what outfit would they belong to? It’s so hard to keep track of these “terrorist” organizations. Long ago, there was the PLO. And Ringo Starr’s lost brother Yasser Arafat. Then I guess it was Al-Qaeda. As I noted in Hidden History, Al-Qaeda roughly translates to “the toilet” in Arabic. That’s a really demeaning name to select for your group. Especially for violent, raving, Arab “terrorists.” Unless you want to offend them. Inside jokes, inside jobs. Maybe Alex Jones was right when he used to call them “Al-CIAeda.” At any rate, what happened to good old Al-Qadea? Did they find out what their name really meant? That would infuriate most non-terrorists.
There are so many other outfits we’ve heard bandied about by all the various Middle East “experts.” Isis. Isil. The Taliban. Isn’t the Taliban running Afghanistan now, after we senselessly spent all those years there? We’re we on the side of the Taliban in Syria, or am I confused? There is, of course, precedent for this. The beloved Franklin D. Roosevelt utilized Mafia kingpins like Frank Costello against the Axis powers in World War II. I wonder why Hitler and the Nazis are never called “terrorists?” I guess they are in their own special category, still inspiring Hollywood almost a century later. We are told that former CIA asset Osama Bin Laden was the founder and first “general emir” of Al-Qaeda. That’s an impressive sounding title. Kind of a combination of George Washington and Benedict Arnold. From his secretive Batcave, deep in the heart of Afghanistan, we are told that he orchestrated the 9/11 attacks.
Isis was allegedly a Jordanian group that eventually merged with Bin Laden’s Al-Qaeda. Bin Laden was a former CIA operative, and the group has been spoofed as “Al-CIAda.” Kind of a logical connection. At any rate, Bin Laden was also supposedly the world’s tallest Arab. Or at least one of the tallest. Certainly he was the tallest “terrorist.” So how could all those crazed Arabs not listen to him? Height makes a difference in how people are viewed; look at all the leadership studies. Isil was a variant to Isis, although I can’t comprehend the distinction. There is also the blanket term “Jihadist,” which is used to describe all of these groups. I think the conservative think tank people just like saying the word. Almost as much as they like saying Hezbolah, with an accent on the last syllable. I suppose that’s the proper way to pronounce it. If only they could pronounce “Iran” correctly. It’s E-ron.
Frankly, I start nodding off when I hear too much talk about the “threat of terrorism.” The terminology seems out of a fractured bedtime story. Rockabye baby, in the Hamas. Speaking of Hamas, how come none of their “senior leaders” were blown up with pagers and walkie-talkies? I thought the reason why the IDF has been killing so many innocent civilians in Gaza was because of that dirty, sneaky, rotten, Pearl Harbor like attack at a concert last October. By Hamas. Not Hezbolah. Seems kind of unfair for “senior leaders” of Hezbolah to be blown up by pagers, over something “senior leaders” of Hamas did. Kind of like going after Saddam Hussein when he wasn’t a part of the official 9/11 lie. Hamas, we are told, is a Sunni outfit that is loyal to the Muslim Brotherhood. “Sunni” and “Shiite” are two more words that make me very, very sleepy. And “Muslim Brotherhood” is just used interchangeably with all the others. I’m convinced they just pick these keywords at random. No one cares.
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Although it is a violation of the new Antisemitism Awareness Act to mention it, we need to look again at the birth of Israel. You know, how we deposited a bunch of foreigners in the middle of someone else’s land. Think Haitians in Springfield, Ohio. Although I haven’t heard any credible reports of Israelis eating cats or dogs, it was a disastrous idea to just plant them there, and expect all the residents to welcome them with open arms. Especially when the U.S. taxpayers provided them with weapons the residents couldn’t hope to match. Thanks to all of our involuntarily withheld taxes, Israel- about the size of Rhode Island- has the third most powerful military in the world. We don’t have much to be proud of these days, so maybe there’s some twisted pride in that. We built that, to paraphrase the beloved Barack Obama, the “Muslim” president who killed more Muslims than anyone ever had.
Who remembers the Irgun Gang? And a young, future Israeli leader named Menachem Begin? As leader of this group, which some referred to as “terrorist,” and others as “freedom fighters,” he coordinated the bombing of the King David Hotel, which killed nearly a hundred people. Who were all “almost human,” to quote South Park again. One underreported but important historical figure is Ze’ev Vladimir Jabotinsky. He helped found the Irgun’s precursors the Haganah, and Betar. It seems that the Zionists had a thing for these names as much as the “terrorists” later would. Now, some have suggested that these were all “terrorist” groups, and that Jabotinsky was the father of Jewish terrorism. Then there was the competing group the Stern Gang. It was run by some Stern who was not related to the self-proclaimed “King of all Media,” who has become a deranged proponent of the deadly COVID vaccine.
