Evolving Theories

A recent find in Indonesia confirmed that 700,000 years ago humans stood just over three feet tall, around the same height of Dustin Hoffman, Tom Cruise, and the late Princess Margaret, sister of the late Queen Elizabeth II. The discovery confirmed that our ancestors were not built to play pro basketball in the NBA, nor up front when competing in volleyball. These tiny types lived as late as 50,000 years ago and were even smaller than the earlier hobbits. A Southern View of the... Ashe, Samuel A'Court Check Amazon for Pricing.

How we got to be human has intrigued us taller types since we were much shorter. Often new evidence doesn’t square with what we thought we knew. I was taught that the first human male was Adam and the first human female was Eve. Then at university some atheist professor type claimed that the first human was a small-brained female unearthed in Ethiopia named Lucy. She walked erect on two legs and she was 3 feet 8 inches. She made the same sounds as Kamala, but no one understood them because no one was around. Lucy did not resemble today’s American female writers because she didn’t write, she wasn’t bitter or angry, nor was she of the current mood of confession about her companion’s inability to have an erection. Finally, she had never read a #MeToo story of exploitation. (Obviously Lucy was a very dull girl.)

“How we got to be human has intrigued us taller types since we were much shorter.”

Let’s take it from the top: Lucy was the first, but some anti-#MeToo types called her AUSTRALOPITHECUS, hinting she was part ape and part male. That was 2 to 4 million years ago. HOMO NALEDI came next, who might have lived as late as 100,000 BC as his extinction date remains unknown. What was known was his anger at being referred to as Homo, although his descendants are now rather proud of the fact. HOMO ERECTUS was next in line, and he became extinct only 70,000 years ago. Erectus was known for his height, one that reached five feet. Next up was HOMO NEANDERTHALIS, who historians claim became extinct 40,000 years ago but in reality still exists in places like New York City and San Francisco, and can be seen with the naked eye regularly mugging old ladies and pawing women. Neanderthals were around 5 feet 6 inches, but modern ones can reach much higher.

The Tyranny of Experts... Easterly, William Check Amazon for Pricing. 200,000 years ago HOMO SAPIENS evolved, and we finally had modern man and woman. Some grumpy types believe that Homo sapiens have downgraded humanity, but I’m not so sure about that, although the larger brain of Homo sapiens seems to me to work against them. There are scientists who agree and give Kamala Harris as an example of someone whose tiny brain works in her favor.

Just imagine, life was creeping and crawling about the earth 1.5 billion years earlier than previously thought. 500 million years ago creatures began moving around, and after the Cambrian explosion sparked the first vertebrates, life was here for good. Now it’s clear that Lucy was not the beginning of our evolution. Kamala-like brains and speech were around before. Lucy was just a branch that sprouted midway along the trunk of our family tree. Researchers have found fossils of hominins dating back to 6 million years.

That’s a hell of a lot of years, and some eggheads studying our ancestors now want to name these hominins Bidensis. Often these ancient fossils look like mosaics of other species. What it signifies is that the ancients were as naughty as some perverts are today; they practiced interbreeding, and I hate to think of the poor animals.

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