Parishes Preparing Their People for…What Exactly?

Ordinarily, do untrained and unprepared people “rise to the occasion” when faced with enormous challenges? In great fiction, they often do. In real life? Well, that’s another story.

People who work in fields where error can result in death (e.g., soldiers, law enforcement, firemen, pilots, emergency doctors) will all tell you that “people don’t rise to the level of the occasion; they fall to the level of their training.” In life-or-death situations, when a split-second decision is required, if you must stop and think about what to do next, you’ve already failed. Careful training—including training under conditions of extreme stress—prepares individuals to act well in perilous situations. You can find innumerable accounts where survivors said, “My training saved me.” The Fake China Threat:... Solis-Mullen, Joseph Check Amazon for Pricing.

That got me to thinking: What are Catholic parishes training their people for? More specifically, what is Fr. Cheerful, pastor of St. Typical’s (assisted by the younger Fr. Stifled) preparing his people for? Before I proffer an answer, let me suggest a few possibilities.

In Matthew 20, we see the apostles James and John (through the good offices of their mother) asking to be placed at the right and left hand of Our Lord in His kingdom. Jesus asks the brothers, “Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink?” They assure Him that they can. What happens next?

Not long afterward, James is the first apostle to be martyred. Unlike the red martyrdom of his brother, John suffers a white martyrdom—enduring all manner of abuse and exile—dying after many years of faithful service. He is the last apostle to die. Biblical commentator William Barclay relates the living and dying of both James and John to a Roman coin in circulation during their lifetime. The coin depicts an ox facing both an altar and a plow. The inscription on the coin reads: “Ready for Either.” In other words, the ox is ready for the “red martyrdom” of being sacrificed at the altar, or for the “white martyrdom” of a life of unglamorous service, hitched to the plow until death.

These options illustrate what I think that the parishioners of St. Typical’s (henceforth known as “the Typicalians”) should be prepared for. Our world is at an inflection point in history. An empire is falling, nations are raging, and new technologies promise a strange (and likely dystopian) future. The Church’s current state of distress and disrepair has been ranked among other great ecclesiastical crises, such as the Arian controversy, the Great Schism, and the Reformation. Fr. Stifled might wish to speak to the people of St. Typical’s about the necessity to prepare for both red and white martyrdom. But will Fr. Cheerful let him?

I’d have to say no—and for a variety of reasons. First, serious talk about serious topics would work against Fr. Cheerful’s commitment to forming “a welcoming community”; trying to prepare people for martyrdom would fail to “meet people where they’re at.” (Does Fr. Cheerful see that as a—or the—sin against the Holy Spirit, i.e., the unforgivable sin?) Worst of all, such grim talk might generate complaints—and in Fr. Cheerful’s book, generating complaints certainly constitutes a sin against the Holy Spirit.

How States Think: The ... Rosato, Sebastian Check Amazon for Pricing. The Typicalians would also resist any attempt by Fr. Stifled to raise the difficult question of being prepared for red martyrdom, white martyrdom, or for anything at all. By their behavior (arriving late, leaving early, or clapping for the musicians), by the way they dress (carelessly at best, scandalously at worst), by the way they stare at Father while he’s preaching (either a vacant stare or a sullen stare that communicates, “Why are you still talking?!?”), and by the indifference with which they receive Holy Communion, the Typicalians communicate that they are reserving their attention, time, energy, and resources for something more important than the Mass they grimly resign themselves to each Saturday/Sunday.

The Typicalians and Fr. Cheerful have an unstated agreement: if Father arranges for an orderly distribution of the Liturgical Participation Trophy (also known as the “Liturgical Proof-of-Purchase,” or, as many of the children of Typicalians refer to the Sacred Host, “The Thing”), and they in turn agree to put an envelope into the basket, and the transactions don’t take “too long,” then the parishioners won’t ask much of Fr. Cheerful and Fr. Cheerful won’t ask much of them.

Fr. Stifled wonders what would happen to the Typicalians if they ever had to face or surmount aggressive or even kinetic persecution. What if “bird flu” suddenly makes worship a “non-essential service” again? What if a federal agency suspects that St. Typical’s is a hotbed of “far-right, white supremacist, Christian nationalist domestic terrorism”? What if “Advocates-for-Choice” firebomb St. Typical’s? What if Mormons, Unitarians, Jehovah’s Witnesses or Jews-for-Jesus ring the doorbell of each Typicalian? What then? Would they rise to the occasion?

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