The Pump Jockey Employment Mandate

One of the silliest and most obnoxious make-work laws on the books may soon be the law in Illinois. Maybe soon in your state, too.

It is already the law in New Jersey and Oregon  . . . where motorists aren’t allowed to pump their own gas. For saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety!

And for other things, too.

The proposed Gas Station Attendant Act – yes, really – reads as follows:

“No gas may be pumped at a gas station in this state unless it is pumped by a gas station attendant employed at the gas station.”   

This isn’t full-service. It’s being forced to pay for services many of us do not want – leaving aside the money. Gift Card i... Buy New $10.00 (as of 08:25 EST - Details) In addition to being fleeced, you’re forced to let someone you don’t know and likely have no interest in knowing paw your car with his greasy mitts, maybe not-quite-tighten your gas cap (triggering the “check engine” light to illuminate and requiring an OBD scan tool to un-illuminate) while also probably spilling gasoline on your paint.

And it’s illegal to object.

Because it’s the law.

In NJ and Oregon, a motorist can be Hut! Hut! Hutted! by an armed government worker for pumping gas into their own car. There’s very little chance you’ll be burned to death – note that fires at gas stations where it’s still legal to pump your own gas aren’t a problem.

But you might just get shot if you dare to pump-it-yourself in New Jersey, Oregon – and soon, Illinois, too.

Pumping gas isn’t rocket science, of course – which precisely why rocket scientists aren’t hired to pump gas. Instead, a least-common-denominator, minimum wage flunky will do the honors – and maybe some other things, too. Maybe because he’s a lout. Maybe because he just doesn’t care. Maybe because he doesn’t like your Trump (or Bernie) for President bumper sticker.

But chiefly, because you won’t be allowed to say no.

The “service” he provides will be on his timetable – which will likely be more leisurely than yours. There will probably be fewer attendants than cars at times. If you’re in a hurry, too bad. At least it’ll make owning an electric car seem more reasonable.

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