Holmes or Clouseau? Who Cares—Trump Wins Again

There’s a scene in the 1976 film The Pink Panther Strikes Again in which the nations of the world send their top assassins to eliminate Inspector Clouseau. One by one the assassins take their best shot, and time and again Clouseau survives (and the assassins die) due entirely to pure luck on the inspector’s part. That was the thing about Clouseau; unlike Sherlock Holmes, who would prevail through intelligence and skill, Clouseau could always be counted on to stumble out of danger and pratfall his way to victory. And the bad guys, no matter how smart they were, no matter how skilled, couldn’t beat him.

I’ll be frank; I still can’t decide whether Trump is Holmes or Clouseau. But the sonofabitch always wins, and his enemies always lose in spectacular fashion, and it’s making for the presidency that’s far more enjoyable to watch than any Hollywood movie.

Take last week. The press, which is fast proving to be the Chief Inspector Dreyfus to Trump’s Clouseau, began hammering the man hard over the plague of “neo-Nazi” and “white supremacist” bomb threats being phoned into Jewish community centers. Trump condemned the threats (many Muslim leaders won’t even condemn the outright murder of Jews, and most “mainstream” journalists never insist that they do), but the press still wasn’t satisfied. And being the crafty scoop-meisters they are, reporters soon discovered that while Trump was publicly denouncing the telephonic Kristallnacht, he privately told a group of state attorneys general that the threats might not actually be from actual anti-Semites. He suggested that the threats might, in fact, be “the reverse”: someone looking “to make people—or to make others—look bad.” In other words, the threats might be coming from someone with an agenda that has nothing to do with wanting to blow up Jews.

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You could almost hear the sound of every journalist in D.C. getting a hard-on. “We got him!” Trump the “conspiracy theorist.” Trump the “denier” who dares to suggest that the greatest threat to the Jewish people since Haman’s lottery might be nothing more than a hoax. Sure, Trump has not only survived but prevailed against every other supposedly fatal armor-chink and “smoking gun” his opponents have trotted out, but this one will surely sink him. The Jews are facing an existential threat, and Trump suggested it might be nothing more than a mischief-maker with a personal agenda.

And then an arrest was made in (at least) eight of those bomb threats, and it turned out to be…a mischief-maker with a personal agenda. If you listened hard enough, you could hear the sound of boners collapsing in newsrooms across the country. Trump had called it perfectly. It was no white supremacist, but Juan Thompson, a black dude, a leftist journalist with a grudge, who, exactly as Trump had speculated, phoned in the threats “to make people—or to make others—look bad.”

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