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Is this how you choose to dress on a first date? Photograph: Alamy
Is this how you choose to dress on a first date? Photograph: Alamy

How creepy are you? Take the test!

This article is more than 7 years old

Researchers have undertaken the first empirical study of creepiness. From eye contact, to clothes, to clowns – take the quiz to find out if you’re a creep

Do you have trouble making friends, or finding romance? Do you sometimes get the feeling that people find you a bit off, in a way they can’t explain? Are you sometimes asked to leave retail premises before you get a chance to explain why you need that much bleach?

A new study has undertaken the first ever “empirical study of creepiness”, with 1,341 individuals asked to rate 44 different behaviours, including inappropriate laughter, standing too close and constantly steering the conversation toward sex. Loosely based on its findings, here’s a quick quiz to give you an idea of exactly how creepy you are.

1. When speaking with someone for the first time, it’s best to maintain eye contact …

a) Never.

b) For brief periods at first, in order to build up trust.

c) Constantly, until they’re too far away for you to see their eyes.

2. When talking to a stranger, how close should you stand?

a) Personal space varies with the individual, so it’s best to be generous – about an arm’s length.

b) If a person can’t feel your hot breath in their face, they’ll just think you’re aloof.

c) Not so close that you’re actually touching the person, although that’s just one magistrate’s opinion.

3. Which of the following occupations most appeals to you?

a) Clown.

b) Funeral parlour director.

c) Funeral parlour clown.

4. Which of these conversational techniques is the best way to put someone you’ve just met at ease?

a) Ask them what they do you for a living.

b) Adopt an amusing approximation of their accent.

c) Ask them their address.

5. Which of the following techniques is the most polite way to end a conversation?

a) Excuse yourself because you’re running late.

b) Apologise for monopolising the other person’s time.

c) There is no polite way to end a conversation with me.

6. For many people clothes can be a signifier of creepiness. Which of the following best describes what you usually wear?

a) I sometimes dress either too formally or too informally for situations.

b) I hate making decisions, so I basically wear the same thing every day.

c) I just wear what makes me comfortable. Unfortunately, if it’s not December, the Santa outfit tends to attract a lot of attention from transport police.

7. Study respondents rated certain hobbies according to creepiness. Which hobby appeals to you most?

a) Bird watching

b) Collecting teeth

c) Funeral parlour clown

8. During a social encounter with a member of the opposite sex, which of the following are you most likely to be thinking?

a) “He/she seems like a nice person.”

b) “I wonder if he/she likes me. Probably not.”

c) “Don’t forget to ask for a hair sample.”

9. And which of the following do you think the other person is most likely to be thinking?

a) “He/she seems like a nice person.”

b) “Why do I waste my time talking to losers?”

c) “You had me at ‘Is this seat taken?’”

10. Which of the following best sums up your whole approach to human interaction?

a) Treat others as you wish to be treated, except for idiots.

b) It’s all about nonverbal cues - just keep nodding and licking your lips.

c) If you love something, set it free. But blindfold it first and leave it in a wooded area at least a mile from your house.

ANSWERS: a=1pt; b=2; c=3.

0 to 16 points: Not too creepy. Once people get to know you, they’ll realise you’re harmless.

17 to 24 points: Mildly creepy.

25 to 30 points: Totally creepy. Get away from me.

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