Live! From Washington!

Is it just me, or has anyone noticed that much of America today is one endless chain of asinine fads perpetuated by the television and social media? Further along, has anyone noticed that this endless chain of serial fads carries over into our politics? It’s almost as if our political system is just an aspect of Facebook with people posting photos of their pet political candidates doing dumb tricks and wearing ridiculous hats. Followed by the ubiquitous comments: “OMG! He so cuuute, lol!” and “ROTFLMAO!! Where did U find such cute candidate? 2 cool!” Am I alone in my nausea over this ridiculous processed cheese food of a culture?

Look, I’m not overly cynical, well, okay, so maybe I am. But these people are truly easy to manipulate and control by the political system. Now, we can say what we want about the Middle East. But the Arabs saw the value of Facebook and Twitter as an engine of mobilization and the entire Arab Spring protest movement was set into motion using it. A person might think, gee, why can’t the American people use that to collectively fire both political parties and create an American Spring? But a person would be wrong to think that. Because instead of that, people post the equivalent of potted meat product on social media. Truthfully, how many more dumb dog videos do we need as the American nation swirls down the toilet bowl? It’s gotten to the point where you could station troops, demand ID, and frisk everyone going into the mall and Americans would submit to it like the sheep that sheep boss around. But tell them they can’t take their flippin’ dogs into the mall, that is where they get up the social media campaign to stop “tyranny”. I saw a guy have a meltdown because he couldn’t take his dadgum dog into the supermarket. While he was arguing with the clerk, the dog took a massive dump on the floor. He needed an emotional support dog for his emotional support dog, I guess. But go watch TSA jackboots treating everyone at the airport like they’re being processed into a concentration camp and you can hear an invisible pin drop.

I’m not saying the American people are collectively clueless, well, okay, so maybe I am. The Vietnam War inspired several anti-war songs that still get airplay today and Americans don’t even know anymore what those songs were talking about. I don’t think there’s been any genuine anti-war songs to hit the radio and we’ve been at war for fifteen years now. Of course, I could be wrong because I don’t listen to the endless parade of moans, groans, electronic voicebox chatter, and nasal whining they call “popular music” today. Even country music is rapping now and using these electronic voicebox gimmicks. If there was an anti-war song made today, one would be hard pressed to know if it was about war or about sex in the shower since every song sounds like that’s what was going on during recording. I’m not disillusioned about American society or anything, but if anyone needed a reason to refrain from enlisting in the military, turn on the radio and realize this: That is what you’re being asked to die a horrifying death to defend. Then we wonder why much of the Middle East keeps American “culture” out of their society as best they can. It’s not because they “hate freedom”, it’s because they hate bad music.

Once in a while, there comes a time when the obvious absolutely must be said. And the obvious thing is this: This government is just a mirror image of the crap we see on TV. In fact, they should just use that famous advertising phrase when describing the American political system: “AS SEEN ON TV!!” Because that’s all it is, another scam like those onion slicers and dicers that promise tear-free diced onions but by the end of using this gimmick, it’s like you watched “Sophie’s Choice” and “Threads” back to back. I’ve done that, but I didn’t slice any onions while doing so. Be that as it may, our political system is just “Dancing With The Tyrants”, the ultimate reality show where the government can vote you off their island courtesy of a drone. The American people sit there and say, “Well, what can I do?” As if these clowns don’t have the SAME social media the Middle East used to create the Arab Spring protests. I’m not saying to start a revolution here that involves violence. That’s exactly what the government wants so they have a reason to pull the trigger on the Patriot Act. I’m saying that, hey, look what Gandhi accomplished and that dude didn’t even have email!

Look how many liberals that usually whine about the government (and police brutality, by the way) were writing editorials in the newspapers pretty much calling for the government to go into Oregon and wipe out those guys who were sitting on federal property their tax dollars paid for. They wanted the government to re-enact the helicopter assault scene from Apocalypse Now, but instead of “Ride of the Valkyries” we’ve just had “Ride of the Bureaucrats” and the government voted the Oregon guys off the island. “The hills are aliiive, with the sound of federal gunfire!” Give me a break. Didn’t you guys have editorials to write about the next fad vegetable that will cure everything from Restless Leg Syndrome to Frequent Urination Syndrome or whatever new disease has been invented by the oh-so-superior Western medical regime? When will the pill come out for Stupid Political System Syndrome? That one actually does kill people. I’m still waiting for the great “health benefits” of Buffalo Gourd to come out and watch everyone running out to the area outside Winona, Arizona, to harvest them. Yes, don’t forget Winona. And don’t forget the government you egged on now will be the one at your doorstep tomorrow, you chuckle-burglars.

So, no, the American people are not wholly innocent here. The government didn’t just manifest as it is today sometime back in the 1980s. Causes and conditions led up to this. People just bought into the whole election creed of: “Well, I have to pick the lesser of two evils…” Excuse me, but that is still choosing evil and, therefore, nothing but evil can come as a result. Why then is anyone at all surprised when evil manifests from the selection of it? Oh, right, it didn’t turn out that way on TV where the politicians make the right decisions in the end. The government is the worst television show running and it’s been on the air for years. This has gone far beyond “I Love Lucy” reruns where we detect the plot two minutes into watching it and just return to our bowl of Spaghetti-O’s before they get cold. I’m sorry but, wait, I’m not sorry. We’ve been the extras walking in the background of this show for decades now and who, in truth, has ever made the “break” into an actual role in this show? Nobody has. We remain the extras walking around and the people that get selected for the roles in the show get picked because they have enough money to buy the part. Then they read the script the producers of it hand them and act like they believe it. Even more laughable, they expect the rest of us to believe it, too. Fight and die for it even in the other TV shows they call “wars”. Comically, many do believe it. They probably went to Milwaukee looking for Laverne and Shirley, too. Schlemiels, schlemozzles…

At the end of the day, the question everyone wants to know is what the season finale will be. Everyone rushes home to watch it like it was the season ender for “Friends” or something that swept the streets clear of people that dare call themselves intelligent. “I can’t do anything about the government that will send my children and grandchildren off to die in futile wars! I just want to watch the government on TV! It’s easier.” Look, folks, until the show goes off the air, it’s just another cliffhanger. Like the 2016 elections. Really, who cares about that political meatloaf? Or tofu-loaf for the vegans. The show will be on until the sponsors can’t afford it anymore. But wait! There’s more! If you act now, you’ll get the Democrats Versus Republicans Chess Set ab-so-lute-ly free! Call Now! Election officials are standing by!