Revealed: The 39 steps to being a Modern Lady

Country Life reveals its guide on how to be a lady, from splitting the bill to suitably tiny knickers

Woman in a black dress
Country Life reveals its guide on how to be a lady, including owning a little black dress Credit: Photo: Alamy

To older generations, good manners and graciousness might have come as second nature to any lady.

A new guide spelling how to be ladylike may come as something of a surprise, then, after it advised knowing how to gut a fish, offering to split the bill – but letting a man take charge in the end.

Country Life magazine

The 39 rules (listed below), published by Country Life as a follow-up to their much-publicised How To Be a Gentleman, claims a good woman should now know never to boast on Facebook, eschew make-up on the school run, and learning how to “deflect a lecher with grace”.

It argues key skills include saying thank you in any language, silencing a man with one look, and knowing that “brevity is the soul of lingerie”.

In this week’s editorial, Country Life said: “We’ve heard all about the criteria that make a gentleman and our list —part serious, part tongue-in-cheek— seemed to strike such a chord in a society that desperately needs to be kinder to itself that we felt it was only fair to present the female view, too.

• Country Life's 'lady guide' should be renamed: 'How not to be a tosser'

“The central principle is the same—generosity and graciousness are more important than fine feathers and a lady can come from any walk of life—but there’s one key difference: a capable lady knows when to let her gentleman take charge (or let him think so).”

'A capable lady knows when to let her gentleman take charge (or let him think so)'
Country Life

Among their 39 steps includes preferring Mr Knightley to Mr Wickham among Jane Austen’s heroines, enjoying rugby and cricket without necessarily knowing the rules, and excelling at “making love, lasagne and long gin and tonics”.

While emphasising physical sills including handing a sportscar, deadheading a rose and the ability to “paunch a rabbit and pluck a pheasant”, it also advises a modicum of gender equality: “Teaching her son to iron his shirts and her daughter to change a fuse.”

A real lady, it says, will be capable of knowing “when to let a man think it’s his idea”.

The full article appears in the latest edition of Country Life, out now.

The 39 steps to being a (modern) lady
  1. Finds laughter is the best medicine
  2. Can say ‘thank you’ no matter where she is in the world
  3. Cooks perfect, crispy roast potatoes
  4. Offers to split the bill
  5. Knows that everyone, including herself, improves with age
  6. Offers the builder a cup of tea
  7. Excels at making love, lasagne and long gin and tonics
  8. Can silence a man with a stare and make a dog lie down with a hand signal —and vice versa
  9. Can imitate Piglet and Pooh voices for a bedtime story
  10. Prefers Mr Knightley to Mr Wickham, but is secretly in love with Rupert Campbell-Black
  11. Never downs a drink in one, unless it’s a shot of tequila
  12. Is aware that the school run and dog walking do not require full make-up
  13. Never wears shoes she can’t walk in
  14. Knows when a man is spoken for
  15. Can paunch a rabbit, pluck a pheasant and gut a fish, but allows men the privilege
  16. Remembers her godchildren’s birthdays
  17. Knows songs for a long car journey
  18. Is neither early for a dinner party nor late for church
  19. Doesn’t over-pluck her eyebrows
  20. Knows how to deflect a lecher with grace, and a proposal with kindness
  21. Comforts nervous flyers
  22. Would never have Botox
  23. Knows when to let a man think it’s his idea
  24. Would never own a handbag dog
  25. Can tie—and untie—a bow tie
  26. Might not understand the rules of rugby and cricket, but enjoys the game anyway
  27. Knows when to take control in the bedroom and the boardroom
  28. Knows the difference between Bentley & Skinner and Baddiel and Skinner
  29. Instills manners in her children, but lets their characters flourish
  30. Knows when to deadhead a rose
  31. Is never afraid to overdress
  32. Can handle a sports car, a sit-on mower and a ski lift
  33. Knows when to stop dyeing her hair
  34. Teaches her son to iron his shirts and her daughter to change a fuse
  35. Owns a little black dress
  36. Always has a hanky
  37. Knows that ‘brevity is the soul of lingerie’
  38. Has kissed several frogs and made them feel like princes
  39. However lucky in life, she doesn't boast on Facebook