Something needs to be said about being an American. And that “something” is this: Hey, people, we ain’t all that special, m’kay? Oh, gee, did I just break wind on the concept of American Exceptionalism? Well, look, that’s because it’s actually American Acceptionalism, you see? You’re expected to accept every lie you’re told by this farce of a government. Even more hilarious is they expect the rest of the world to accept those lies also. Excuse me, but much of the rest of the world has heard this so many times, they’re doing the Uncle Duffy with Uncle Sam.
What’s the Uncle Duffy? Oh, you don’t know that one? Everyone’s got this windbag relative that’s always telling you how to run your life, what car you ought to buy, what diet to follow, and so on. So you just sit there and nod your head and say, “Mmm…mmm—hmmm…yeah…” Because if you try and refute it, it only encourages him. This is what the rest of the world has to do. “We have to arm and train terrorists in Syria to fight the terrorists we armed and trained because to support the military actually fighting them would be causing more terrorism…” Vladimir Putin hears this and goes, “Mmm…mmm—hmmm…yeah”.
“American Exceptionalism”, my tuchis! What, I’m supposed to get shivers up my spine when I see the American flag? Yeah, you know I used to and I thought it was patriotism. Then I realized what it really was: Cold chills at seeing this piece of cloth foisted on high to be worshipped. Worshipped as the false idol of a regime the American government would either oppose or prop up if the jackboot was on the other foot and depending on the breaks. If America had a doppelganger, it would hate it as an arrogant, lying bully that cannot be trusted. We’re told that this is the “greatest nation on earth”. Compared to who??!! Bangladesh??! Hey, at least they’re not running around saying they know how to run the world, so I give them more credit than this collection of McFalse McProphets.
Yeah, if this country does anything well, it’s distilling bumper sticker phrases into philosophies. I touched on the whole “thank you for your service” mumbo-jumbo in my last article. We have the Gulf War to thank for that one. Before 1991, the government couldn’t have cared less, so long as there were enough suckers to sign on the dotted line at the recruiters. Then they realized they could justify the Vietnam War by making all veterans de facto heroes, so every future pointless and futile war would need no genuine justification whatsoever. Because if you oppose that, you don’t support the troops. Thank you for your service as our stalking horse to yet another bovine excrement war. Yeah, well, thank THIS, you clods!
I’m told I ought to be proud to be an American. Proud of what?! Look at these clowns running for president! If those are our “best and brightest”, there is nothing to be proud of whatsoever! Give me a break over here, people! If these are the best we could come up with to hand over control of enough nuclear weapons to wipe out the entire human race to, then we are well and truly screwed as a nation. Again, proud of what?! This reminds me of the eccentric neighbor with tons of rusted cars and other crap in his yard and one forlorn daisy manages to spring up and he’s proud of that. No, he didn’t plant it, but he takes credit for it. Just like the U.S. takes credit for things it says it did but didn’t.
Like World War Two. To hear us tell it, you’d think we won that war with one army tied behind our back. No one want to admit that it was, hel-LO!!!, the RUSSIANS that basically clobbered the Third Reich in that war. Today we act like if it wasn’t for us, the French would be speaking German and eating sauerkraut and bratwurst instead of brie. So we got bent out of shape when they wouldn’t sign up for the Iraq War and we sure showed them, didn’t we? We re-named French fries “Freedom fries”. Again, this is a country to be proud of? Because we could come up with a patriotic name for deep-fried potatoes?! Wow, that one was even more worthy of the Star-Spangled Banner than Reagan calling ketchup a vegetable! But, hey, you need ketchup for those Freedom fries, so the government was surely thinking ahead, no? It’s like the equivalent of a coup d’état by adolescent dorks. At least other countries don’t take their governments seriously, for the most part.
So, let me just say that there is no such thing as American Exceptionalism. There is nothing to be proud of, nor are we the greatest nation on earth. The so-called “New World” wasn’t even so-called “discovered” yet when the Persian culture (we call them Iranians today) were already thousands of years old. But here comes America to tell them they’re doing it all wrong. They just nod their heads and go, “Mmmm…mmm—hmmm…yeah…” They have homes people still live in over in Iran that are older than the United States of America.
These colors don’t run, they say. Yes, they do. Out of Vietnam, out of Lebanon, out of Iraq, and soon out of Afghanistan. Thank you for your service and, oh, on your way out, can you tell the next job applicant I am ready to interview him? We’ll call you…