How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bums

A recent article published by Japan’s stalwart news broadcaster, NHK was entitled, ‘US worried about Abe’s possible visit to N. Korea.’ The title exhibits nearly everything that’s wrong with Japan’s subservient relationship to the US government when it comes to foreign affairs.  Remember that NHK is the Japanese government’s official propaganda mouthpiece responsible for regurgitating the ruling party’s pronouncements, so the article wasn’t even written by anyone with a critical eye.  On behalf of anyone interested in the truth, I offer a translation of said article in italics.

The US government has notified Japan of its concern over a possible visit to North Korea by Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in the near future.

Translation: Hey boy, how DARE you even think of having a meeting with anyone without the approval of your overseers? Improving relations with nearby countries isn’t on OUR agenda, so it’s not on yours. So sit down and shut UP!

US Secretary of State John Kerry expressed the concern when he met Japanese Foreign Minister Fumio Kishida in Myanmar earlier this month. He put forward similar concern at trilateral talks there joined by South Korean foreign minister Yun Byung-se.[amazon asin=B000KE045M&template=*lrc ad (right)]

Translation: Japan’s foreign policy interests are neither expressed nor defined by Japanese people or the Japanese government. Only a US government ruling party boss can intelligently formulate Japan’s policies.  We can do that from Washington, or Seoul, or from a sailboat off  Nantucket. Unfortunately, sometimes due to our very busy golf schedules, a Japanese government official may not be present when we decide these very important matters. But rest assured, we have your best interests at heart. We will inform you of important decisions concerning you once we have made them.

Diplomatic sources say Kerry referred to negotiations between Japan and North Korea over the abduction of Japanese citizens to the North.

Translation: Japanese families want the corpses of their kidnapped loved ones returned for burial, which we are informed is a Japanese cultural norm. Being psychopathic control freaks means that something as simple as returning the bodies cannot and will not be tolerated. The humanity and culture of Japanese people and their families means nothing to us, even if Japanese people are supposed to be our allies. If North Korea’s Dear Leader can dictate that those people were to be kidnapped, then America’s Dear Leader can similarly dictate that they don’t have a decent burial in accordance with Japanese custom.

The sources say Kerry has repeatedly asked Japan not to mar triangular solidarity between Japan, the US, and South Korea in handling North Korean development of nuclear arms and ballistic missiles.[amazon asin=0060928832&template=*lrc ad (right)]

Translation: We don’t care if it’s in the best interests of the Japanese people to improve  relations with a neighboring country, not with North Korea, or China, Russia or even Au Phuk Dup. Not when something as important as the marring of triangular solidarity is at stake.  We demand that for the sake of peace, we all maintain a belligerent stance and our allies ape American policy word for word. It’s US government policy, so everyone just has to live with it. 

He also reportedly expressed US concern over Abe’s possible visit to Pyongyang.

Translation:  The USA prefers our allies to remain at home so that we can more accurately monitor every word.  As an ally of the USA, we expect you to be a good boy and offer no back sass.   If a Japanese or any foreign leader wants to go somewhere, they need to ask for permission from the US Government first.  If you don’t comply with our edict, it just shows how utterly arrogant you are.

Foreign Minister Fumio Kishida told Kerry that no plans exist for such a visit right now. He also said there is no change in Japan’s position in pursuing a comprehensive solution to the abduction, nuclear, and missile issues [amazon asin=0990463109&template=*lrc ad (right)]involving North Korea.

Translation:  “Yas-suh massa Kerry. Ain’t nobody here but us chickens. We ain’t gon’ do nuthin ‘less you say so, no suh.” Tea House of the August Moon will just maintain the fiction that the poor impoverished country of North Korea is a threat so we can justify Japanese militarization and America’s aggressive policy of pivoting toward Asia, which means encircling China

A Japanese government source says the US government is cautious that any progress in Japan-North Korea negotiations may disturb 3-way solidarity amongst  Tokyo, Washington, and Seoul.  It says the Japanese government will try to disperse the US concern by holding negotiations with North Korea in a transparent manner and communicating with the United States.

Translation:  Don’t worry, we promise not to make any progress. We know who butters our buns and we won’t risk our political or financial futures by daring to do ANYTHING that Uncle Sam hasn’t approved. We’ll mindlessly do what’s best for the American elite and hope against hope that the Japanese ruling party bosses benefit as well. Japan IS a democracy after all, so the Japanese people will just have to continue suffering the consequences of having hostile relations with neighboring countries.

On the day that Japan’s foreign policy becomes independent, the country and it’s people will finally have the opportunity establish peaceful and mutually beneficial relationships with North Korea, China, and Russia. Until then, Japan’s foreign policy will continue to be dictated by Washington and will not further the best interests of the Japanese people.

Thanks to Mike “in Tokyo” Rogers for collaborating with me and for editing my work .