A New Peaceful, Tranquil Mogambo

I now belatedly realize, with crystal clarity, that being an “inert carbon blob” is a reachable goal for me.  Thus, ‘tis my new plan for my remaining retirement years, since it has no age restrictions, takes no effort, and has zero cost, but, happily, does involve a lot of TV and tasty snacks.

I am re-evaluating such things now, now that my wonderful plans to be a rich champion golfer/ rich movie star/ rich love god/ rich living legend/ rich international playboy are all in utter ruins, thanks to a profound lack of any discernable talent, looks, intelligence, money or actual effort on my part.

Now that I am starting to accept my fate, I am much more serenely Buddha-like, and less concerned that the Federal Reserve and the federal government have been proven to be corrupt, treacherous liars colluding to continually deficit-spend a trillion dollars per year, using nefarious, slimy and heretofore illegal secret tactics made legal under a cancerous expansion of the Exchange Stabilization Fund, in order to desperately prevent any losses (“deflation”) in debt instruments, equity shares or housing prices, because that is where everybody’s money is.

Nowadays, I am much more calm about things, as shown by my seeming nonchalance at the evil Federal Reserve increasing Total Fed Credit by another $14 billion last week, and $12 billion the week before that, or how the monetary base jumped to over $4 trillion last week, a mighty rise of $114 billion in, as I said, One Freaking Week (OFW).

And notice my easy demeanor, instead of choking on my own vomit or my eyes rolling back in my head, at the news that 523,000 full-time jobs were lost last month.

So with my new peaceful tranquility, there is no use getting upset and sending myself into another famous Mogambo Primal Scream Of Outrage (MPSOO) at the absolute horrors to be inflicted because of the inflation in prices that will necessarily follow such massive inflation in the money supply.

And let us not forget that a MPSOO is always replete with loud obscenities, incoherent ramblings, vague death threats, inciting Thomas Jefferson as a reason to riot, take over the Federal Reserve, and get America back on a stable money supply, letting nothing stand in our way.

The usual modus operandi of MPSOO is to proceed to more death threats, anonymous phone calls, annoying emails, police being called, embarrassment at being hauled off, kicking and screaming “We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD)!” at the top of my voice, neighbors jeering, family cheering, and the unpleasantness of court-ordered psychiatric evaluations.

Like that one where I said “You’re asking me what I see in that inkblot? You call yourself a psychiatrist? Any IDIOT can see that the ink smeared on that paper is a perfect graphic representation of the evil Federal Reserve! See where that big, ugly splotch that looks like a cancerous, poisonous spider, dominating the page? That is the Federal Reserve destroying us by creating so much new credit that it causes ruinous inflation in prices, which is represented by those blobs that look like drops of blood all over the place!

“And see those little squiggly things on the side of the page? That is the CIA aiming thought-control waves into our heads, seizing control of our brains, making us actually believe this bizarre Keynesian deficit-spending stupidity could work!”

With a shock, I realized that I had, perhaps, said too much.  “Oops!”, I thought! “I’ll never get out of this place talking like that!”

So I cleverly explained it away by saying “Okay, I don’t know for sure about that last part, about the thought-control waves and all, as it could be rays coming from outer space. It could be space monsters who want to conquer Earth and turn our women into pole-dancing temptresses and the men us into slave labor to mine gold and silver, because even the damned aliens all over the freaking cosmos know the value of gold and silver! It could be! I just don’t know! But I mean, what else COULD it be?”

He didn’t say anything, but he wrote something down in his little notebook. I was encouraged that he did not have that usual look of disgust on his face, so naturally I figured that he was suddenly enlightened about the Austrian school of economics, and was making a note to buy gold and silver!  “Out of the mouths of raving lunatics” and all that.

So, to show him what I helpful, harmless old man I was, I quickly continued “But the part about the evil Federal Reserve destroying us is manifestly true! Get up and look around at how high prices are! If you can’t see it, then you’re a moron! And if you don’t think that rising prices hurt people and economies, then you’re a double moron! You’re all morons! You hear me, people behind that two-way mirror? Morons! And you’re all going to suffer humiliation, suffering and ruination as a result, unless you buy gold and silver, which is the Indelible Lesson Of The Ages (ILOTA), and which works even for morons like you, your stupid two-way mirror, and your stupid inkblot test, which I passed with flying colors!”

But that is all in the past now, and with the new, Easy-Going Mogambo (EGM), I also realized, with this unstoppable Congress/Federal Reserve treachery that makes investing such a one-way street, I don’t really have to look at statistics or reports anymore to time investments! I don’t have to do anything!

I can now relax, spending my time seeking the tranquility of some introspective Nirvana, now Randall G. Holcombe’s new book “Advanced Introduction to the Austrian School of Economics” has been published, and that runaway best-seller “Economica Mogambo” has been published, and now that people are actually submitting their own “Write Like The Mogambo” essays at MogamboGuru.com.  Some of them say it better, and funnier, than I can, too. Nicely done!

And thus I suggest that you all do the same. Write of your monetary and fiscal nightmares, your paroxysms of fears, screaming aloud at the suicidal violation of every tenet of the Austrian Business Cycle Theory, the entire totality of economic history, and every shred of common sense.

And, perhaps, with such a quantity and quality of word-smithing excellence to carry on into the future, extending the proud legacy of The Brilliance Of The Mogambo (TBOTM), then my work here on this planet, that you call Earth, will be done, and I can go back to my home planet, wherever that is, where nobody is as stupid as the people of this planet, and thus is a happy, peaceful place where the money supply is stable, the government is small and taxes are low, where free-enterprise and capitalism produce the bounteous benefits of an expanding supply of goods and services, with prices always gently falling and quality always rising, where little children contentedly play with cute little puppies, the skies are blue and sunny, and it’s always a perfect day for golf, so grab your clubs and let’s go.

And then, casually driving contentedly to the clubhouse, happy and secure that economic future and prosperity are assured thanks to the wise buying of gold and silver, one’s thoughts probably drift unbidden towards some pesky new fault in one’s backswing.

It’s probably just a side effect of thought-control waves from the CIA.  I say don’t worry about it. You bought gold and silver! You can buy a cure for whatever it is that’s bothering you! A tin-foil hat perhaps!

Ahhh! The skies are blue and sunny, and it’s a perfect day for golf!  Whee! This investing stuff is easy!