The Trip of True Economic Enlightenment

In a fit of anger and humiliation, I drove all the way home from the trip, two long days of endless highways to navigate, an endless supply of idiot drivers to vex me, and an endless whine of “Are we there yet?”, mostly uttered by me as I had had it up to HERE with this trip practically before we pulled out of the driveway.

Arriving back home at long last, I locked myself in the Mogambo Bunker Of Solitude (MBOS), which is, of course, not to be confused with Superman’s Fortress of Solitude, in that, for one thing, I don’t have to shield against Kryptonite rays, whereas Superman doesn’t have to shield against children and/or wives whining about something and wanting something, like give them some attention and money, or give them some more money but less attention, or get a job so would be gone a lot and still give them money, or get a big life insurance policy and then die so that they could have a lot of money. You know. The usual.

[amazon asin=1250046564&template=*lrc ad (left)]Anyway, my frustration is that I graciously decided, because of the philanthropic, wonderful guy that I am, that I would take some of my Valuable Mogambo Time (VMT) to provide — free! – an education to passersby. Specifically, provide an education to drivers of other cars on the highway.

So I made this nifty sign and stuck it in the rear window. It read “Buy gold and silver now, or you are a moron!”

My theory is that motorists at the many rest stops we visited (“I’m old. I gotta pee. Yes, again.”) would be intrigued by the bold sign, and, of course, they would eagerly inquire for more such timely and timeless information.

In the course of that, I could quickly and gently lead them down the short, easy trail to the elegant simplicity of the Austrian School of economics (the only true theory of economics), the importance of a stable money supply by actual gold backing the buying power of the dollar, and how Keynesian economists should be hunted down like the bizarre mutants they are, probably infected with some creepy sort of fungus spores from another planet [amazon asin=0307887189&template=*lrc ad (right)]that plans to conquer the Earth by destroying humankind by destroying the economic systems with exploding supplies of fiat cash and credit, crushing debts and the insane-yet-snotty Keynesian supercilious (“I use calculus and computers, so I must be right!”) idea of replacing faltering consumer spending, thanks to the consumer being overloaded with debts and thus not having any discretionary cash to spend, with colossal, catastrophic government deficit-spending. Like I said: Insane.

Alas, for all my good intentions and generous nature, it did not work out that way. For some reason, the conversations went like this.

Motorist: “Your sign says that if I don’t buy gold and silver, then I’m a moron. Who you calling a moron?”

[amazon asin=0393244660&template=*lrc ad (left)]Me: “Have you bought any gold or silver?”

Motorist: “No.”

Me: “Then YOU’RE the moron! Read the sign, for crying out loud! Jeez! Hahahaha! What a moron!”

Some were immediately driven to threaten to punch my lights out, while others sometimes cut me to the quick by correctly pointing out that gold and silver have been crappy investments for more than a year, and that says that if anybody around here is a moron, then it is obviously ME! How embarrassing!

I stammered and stuttered, and tried to tell them that they are talking like traders instead of investors, and that the financial markets are all rigged by the government to go up, except for precious metals, which are rigged to go down.[amazon asin=156858749X&template=*lrc ad (right)]

So there we are, all shouting at each other about who is an idiot, and the wife and kids are siding with them! Leaning out of the windows of the car, they are shouting “Fight! Fight! Punch his lights out like you threatened to do in a previous paragraph!”

I really could have used the assistance of Peter Schiff, at, who writes “We can’t ignore it anymore – the markets are rigged,” and that “Even if banks and governments are manipulating the day-to-day price of gold, the metal’s long-term fundamentals are stronger than ever. In fact, the reasons for them to suppress the gold price are the same reasons for us to buy gold in the first place.”

To me, he saying that the government is suppressing the price of gold at the same time that you want to buy it!  Wow! So, thank you, government morons whose misplaced allegiance to the coo-coo bird Keynesians has [amazon asin=B000J4HXUC&template=*lrc ad (left)]destroyed the economy! And thank you, idiotic Supreme Court who allows such treachery despite being expressly disallowed in the Constitution of the United States! Thank you all! You are literally keeping the price low by corrupt manipulation, to give the appearance of normalcy to a bankrupted economy, so I can buy more gold to protect myself from a bankrupted economy! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

And speaking of government morons, from Reuters we get the revelation that “U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission Chair Mary Jo White flatly rejected claims that retail investors are being fleeced by high-frequency traders who can use their speed to jump ahead with buy and sell orders that fetch better prices.”

See, now THERE is the perfect example of why I should be invited to sit on these kinds of panels when these kinds of people are being questioned!  When she said that, I would have jumped to my feet with a self-righteous Mogambo Howl Of Outrage (MHOO), deftly bounded (“boing!”) over to the table where Ms. White sat, leaned over and screamed right into her nasty little face, flecks of spittle flying out of my mouth, hitting her in the face and on the table and dribbling down my chin, making the whole thing even more disgusting, “Let me ask you this question, you clueless, lying government moron: Since high-frequency traders are making big profits with this little[amazon asin=B005S28ZES&template=*lrc ad (right)] scam, from where is that cash coming, if not from the retail investors paying higher prices because of the scam? Tell me, you damned worthless piece of lying crap! WHERE?”

Ms. White literally, if Reuters is to be believed, told a U.S. House of Representatives panel that “The markets are not rigged,” which shows a remarkable, unbelievable, incomprehensible ignorance of the massive corruption between the federal government and the markets that literally sustains the bloated bond market, the bloated stock market, the bloated housing market, the bloated student loan market, the bloated consumer debt market, the bloated corporate debt market, the bloated derivatives market, and literally everything else, as part of the unbelievable powers the corrupt government granted itself with the infamous Exchange Stabilization Act, which literally requires bringing together the head regulators and honchos of all these markets, and have them come up with coordinated interventions in the markets to keep them from falling! That’s what they do! By law!

Chuck Butler, of Everbank, is one of the smart guys who really understands this stuff, and he says “I’ve talked at length about the price manipulators and gold this week, so I won’t go there again this morning, just know that I’m seeing red in my one eye because of all the manipulation!”

Wow! The corrupt, shameless manipulation is so bad that it causes a guy’s eye to go bloodshot just talking about it! And which says nothing about possible hemorrhaging inside the cranium from the brain literally recoiling, rebelling from the sheer, unbelievable corruption, which handily explains why I seem to get more stupid every day, but that’s another story.

So, you gotta wonder: How bad can it get before a thinking, rational person looks at that sign in the back of my car and thinks “Hey! I really have to pee, too, but this guy’s right! If I am not buying gold and silver, then I am a moron! Thank you, highly informative stranger!”

If they had, then they would have been rewarded with not only the blessed relief of emptying a painfully bloated bladder, but also realized a moment of True Economic Enlightenment (TME) whilst doing do, namely that “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”