What Gives, Brian Williams?

Dear Brian,

I was glad to hear that your very recent knee-replacement surgery went well.  Now you have my letter to read during your recovery.  It’s only posted on Lew Rockwell, which might force you to finally acknowledge its existence.  I won’t send any, but expect your inbox to be filled with more than a few forwards.  While I wouldn’t describe myself as a fan, I usually find it hard to resist tuning in to NBC Nightly News, which you anchor, to digest what the blue-state faction of the War Party is up to these days. While it seems that the program is a little less bellicose since Comcast bought out GE’s stake in NBCUniversal, I’m betting that’s just my imagination.  War makes for great ratings.  This embassy-closing stuff is boring.  What is Bam-O thinking on that one?  And The Tonight Show?  So meh, even if it helps the network.

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Luckily we only have Bam just a little longer.  “We came, we saw, he died.”  Remember who uttered that sexy line?  I saw it just about the time she touched back down in D.C. on her broom.  That’s who’s on deck for 2016, and I’m sure a lady after your own heart!  It might take a village to raise a child, but as we also learned, that village needs a good, hard bombing now and then too–followed up with some care packages (as good, progressive, Democratic compassion demands).  A three-year-old girl who has her arms blown off and the rest of her family crushed to death under rubble will gladly forget it all for a Pez dispenser.  (And UNICEF pitches 50 cents per day!  What rubes!)

A couple more points on St. Hillary, Brian.  I can’t wait to see the upcoming NBC movie on her, although trust me, Diane Lane is so not the one.  Get them to cast Courtney Love, Brian.  Priceless!  If you want to brush up on Courtney, catch The People vs. Larry Flynt.  It’s a pretty wholesome movie, well, by the standards of Fox Television these days.  And be sure to get the director to cast Larry Flynt in there too–the real one.  He could play multiple parts: Bill, George Stupidopoulos, Ken Starr, Monica, Huma Abedin, Anthony the Weiner.

(Though I would watch out on the scenes involving the Weiner character.  Mr. Flynt may go overboard on that, and you could get a XXX rating, but even that’s no biggie.  Money in these days of quantitative easing is meant to be flushed.  Jeff Bezos just toileted about $200 million on WaPo.)

Lastly, on your gal: this business of her very fitful brain flatulence in coming right out and admitting that the U.S. government created Al-Qaeda (here and here).  She would do well to zip it on that, pronto.  It’s just not very presidential.  In fact, kind of Ron Paul-ish, which is a huge no-no.

A few more housekeeping points on some of your on-air colleagues and reporters, and then the bone I have to pick with you.

First, extend my condolences to Mrs. Alan Greenspan (a.k.a., Andrea Mitchell).  I know she must be seething that the filthy traitor she was reporting on, Edward Snowden, wasn’t returned to the U.S. by the Russians and sent on to Guantanamo to ride The Rack.  I can feel her disappointment.  Say, “Hi,” to her hubby Al too, and thank him for that thrilling rollercoaster ride in housing prices right before he gave up the throne to Helicopter Ben.  It’s worth some future articles.

And then there’s my favorite, your chief medical correspondent, Nancy Snyderman, M.D.  (Did you know Brian, that M.D. stands for “monopoly on drugs?”  Well, certain patented ones, anyway.)  Back when Rick “Merck” Perry, the Governor of Texas, issued an executive order requiring sixth-grade Texas schoolgirls to get the Gardasil vaccine, I was really worried for Brave Nancy.  Where would she come down on this?  We had a moron Republican male governor of Texas ordering women what to do with their bodies, even worse, forcing them to be injected with a vaccine that was by some reports not only of unproven efficacy, but potentially dangerous in term of some of its side effects.  Plus it was pointless for girls not yet sexually active. When you brought Nancy on to give her verdict, I waited with bated breath.  It was music to my ears to hear Nancy opine that, yes, eleven- and twelve-year-old girls needed to be dragged by their hair kicking and screaming to practices and clinics, gotten into headlocks, and forcibly injected with Gardasil.  Their very lives were at stake!  What kind of toothless, uneducated, hayseed hicks could disagree with it?  You go, girl!  Even better was her report last Tuesday on Shrub getting a stent.  Stents happen when you eat too much fat and aren’t on statins.  Home run!

Now finally here’s the bone, Bri.  Last week Lew Rockwell republished a 101-year-old test for Kentucky eighth graders.  The re-run made it around the Web.  Jezebel discussed it and linked Lew twice.  The Daily Mail apparently picked it up on Jezebel but still gave the hat tip to Lew.  It drew my interest when you highlighted it on your last segment on August 2, but curiously and inexplicably, only gave credit to Jezebel.  Here you are:

I sense a bit of a snub, Brian.  Nothing against Jezebel, but I seriously doubt that it propagates any ideas that you would find the least bit objectionable.  However, it’s pretty clear that there are all sorts of ideas on Lew’s site that are better kept away from your viewers.  Sure, the test and others like it have been around in previous iterations, and you/your staff could have covered all bases by leaving it at that.  What gives?  Just curious.

You see, your ilk (if not you individually and explicitly, although I’m pretty sure of where you stand) in the mainstream media scoffed that Matt Drudge and a host of lesser uppity rabble (Web writers, bloggers) were invading the majestic Fourth Estate like a bunch of uncouth Huns.  The news was best left to the properly educated and trained pros, such as you.  And yet recent events don’t seem to reinforce this very well.  And this is apart from that fiasco of the re-edited Zimmerman 911 call that your network will undoubtedly be settling out of court.

Do try better, Brian.  The Democratic faction of the War Party needs you at your best.  Bombs away!