Clover Taxonomy III

Just as etymologists are always discovering some new species of beetle, new forms of Clover are constantly being identified and cataloged.

Here, fresh from recent field research, are a few of the latest finds:

The Deferential Clover

This well-intentioned Clover has a politeness fetish that turns out to be rather rude. He will stop his car in the middle of the road and then wave another car waiting to make a right turn onto the road ahead of him. No doubt he feels good about his generosity – and probably, the driver waiting to merge is happy to have been given the opportunity. But what of the drivers behindClover whose travel was interrupted? And what of “the law” – which Clover worships like a pagan idol? The law that says stopping in the middle of the road (absent a red light or pedestrians crossing) is illegal? Why, it is dismissed as blithely as the laws which state one must yield to faster-moving traffic and numerous other laws besides. It is a defining taxonomical characteristic of homo Cloveronis that “the law” (paraphrasing the Humpty Dumpty) means just what he chooses it to mean – nothing more or less.

The Won’t Move Forward Clover

This Clover will tailgate the car ahead when it’s moving, but when traffic stops – as at a red light – Clover will typically leave half a car length between himself and the car ahead. Usually, this is just enough to prevent the car(s) behind Clover from accessing the left turn lane that bleeds off from the main road. And Clover – being Clover – will rarely deign to look behind him and thus, notice the guy behind him is trying to angle his car through the space – and do the decent thing and move up some so that the other driver can make the light. Sometimes, Clover will notice – and still won’t move his car up. Even when the driver behind gestures or taps his horn. Clover takes this as an aggressive act – and reacts passively aggressively, by deliberatelyblocking the space.

It is rather amazing that the species survives to reproduce. It may not realize the debt it owes to the forbearance of those it habitually tortures with its inconsideration.

The Pacer

We’ve all encountered this common form of Clover. You’re driving on a road with two lanes in each direction of travel. Up ahead, two cars, one in the left lane, the other in the right. Clover’s the one to the left. The one who exactly matches the speed of the car to his right – such that None Shall Pass. This iron law of Clover Conduct holds regardless of the speed of the car in the right lawn. It might be doing the speed limit – or more. Or less. It does not matter.

Clover will pace him – in order to thwart you.

Read the rest of the article