Previously by Richard Daughty: The Iron Law of Investing (ILOI)
It all started at breakfast, as seemingly usual these days. One of the kids noticed, no doubt by the bizarre-yet-angry way I was acting, that I was, perhaps, more out of sorts than usual. So you can see that that morning had a lot of, for want of a better word, the usual.
So I said "You would be grumpy, too, if your brilliant investments in gold were cold and shivering in the chilly silence in the lackluster gold market, where the glimmering gold price hasn't gone anywhere for a year or more, depending on how you measure it, or even bother to look it up because you are too damned lazy and irresponsible to actually try to find out."
And, as part of my own personal hell, my computer died, too, and all my Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC) was gone because I did not back up the data, like I should have, but didn't, the reason for which was previously explained in the immediate paragraph above, which, in case you are too lazy and irresponsible to re-read the referenced paragraph, says that I am lazy and irresponsible.
Well, in my own defense, I admit that to the casual observer the term "lazy and irresponsible" seems wholly appropriate.
But a closer examination reveals Secret Mogambo Reason Number Four (SMRNF), which is that I am merely, but bravely, saving my Super Mogambo Brain (SMB) for bigger and better things, such as writing my Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC), so as to be of helpful service to my fellow man, making us prosperous and putting the country — and world! — on secure economic footing based on gold.
Maybe winning some kind of award for my selfless devotion to humanity, hopefully one that has a large cash prize!
I mean, it is obvious that the Austrian School of economics is proved — again! — to be the only true economic theory in the universe, a profound fact found in deciphering the ancient Sacred Mogambo Scrolls (SMS), left here long ago, in the misty and mysterious past, by a strange visitor from outer space imparting profound wisdom, but which surprisingly never caught on as a basis for economic policy, despite it being obviously true with cosmic significance, but which is a sorry reality that I ascribe to the fact that the same "good economic sense" thing can be found, free, at Mises.org, illustrious home of Austrian School of economics in the good ol' USA, whereas I charge The Big Bucks (TBB) in what is just another obvious scam of mine that nobody ever falls for.
So my daughter helpfully says "Well, why don't you just write the usual stuff you write, or maybe take an English class to learn how to write, and then maybe your stuff won't be Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC) anymore, and instead it could be Intelligent Mogambo Crap (IMC)! Wouldn't that be nice?"
I was, of course, by nature of my inherent stupidity and raging paranoia, probably DNA-related so it's not my fault, instantly suspicious and cynical: I could see right through her fatuous, flimsy facade, her charming, sunny optimism and beaming smile that seemed a little, you know, too forced, you know what I mean?
So I knew that she was putting on an act, probably wanting something from me, like currency, handfuls of it, or whining for me to please spend "time" with her, and be a real "father and daddy" to her, and to please be nice to her stupid friends and her retarded hoodlum boyfriends, and all the rest of that mushy crap of fatherhood that I never really got the hang of.
Since they say that "actions speak louder than words," I thought I'd test her phony-baloney Pollyanna attitude by flicking a Cheerio at her and see how much "happy, helpful crap" she'll have then!
In my mind, I am already thinking how to say, when it hits her (hopefully) on the forehead, "Hahaha! He who laughs last laughs best!" and to, for some reason, probably in retaliation for her treachery and falsity, and trying to get on my good side for some nefarious reason, scornfully add loud, mocking tones, as if I was, again, as I always do, rudely and insultingly mocking anybody that stupidly thinks that roaring, terrifying inflation in the prices of something, then some things, then everything, will not occur, even though it always has, in all of history, when some stupid government allowed, or more-often-than-not demanded, this kind of "create crushing carloads of currency and credit" kind of idiotic thing.
And so how can one NOT be buying gold, especially given the current vogue of "create currency and credit by an astounding, astonishing, preposterous 10% of GDP if you want to, catastrophic inflation and certain ruination be damned!"?
And how could one NOT be buying gold, silver and oil when the, as I said, "evil and compliant", Federal Reserve is calamitously, colossally creating, both today and continuously for the whole last quarter of a freaking century, So Stinking Much (SSM) money that even newborn babies, whose first glimpse of the scary, mystifying real world comes when it looks out from its warm swaddling clothes (probably a disposable blanket made with something recycled) at the massive, back-breaking, bankrupting debt already accrued to them — at birth! — by a corrupt, low-IQ government encumbering whole future generations, and all financed by the aforementioned evil and compliant Federal Reserve creating currency and credit out of nothing except a few computer bytes, cry?
And how could they NOT be buying gold, silver and oil when the evil and compliant Federal Reserve is now "monetizing the debt" — the biggest of all the Big. Bad Economic Sins Of Monetary Policy (BBESOMP) — by creating the currency and credit with which to buy new government debt? Insane!
Beyond insane! It's diabolical!
Ben Bernanke is Satan! You heard it here first!
Well, let me say that I don't really believer that Ben Bernanke, chairman of the evil and compliant Federal Reserve, is actually the devil, but it would sure explain a LOT of things! Hahaha!
I can hear you muttering to yourself "What in the hell is this Big Moron Mogambo (BMM) talking about? This is stupid!"
Or perhaps you are thinking "Is he ever going to get to the point? IS there a point to this Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC)? And did he ever hit her forehead when he used his spoon to flick a Cheerio at her, all soggy with milk and perfect for sticking to skin such as found on a forehead?"
The answer to the first question is "Yes, I am going to get to the point!" and the answer to the second question is "I am talking about you getting up off your fat ass, go somewhere to buy some gold and silver (especially silver!) to save your sorry butt from the financial and economic ruination of the severely bloated, rotting carcass of America's mal-invested economy when inflation in prices tears it apart through pandemic suffering and starvation, and the bankruptcy of everybody except people who own gold, silver and oil, all because the evil (and compliant) Federal Reserve has created, and is creating, so staggeringly much, so terrifyingly much, so catastrophically much, currency and credit. THAT'S what I am talking about!"
The answer to the third question is "no", I did not flick a Cheerio at her because, before I took the shot, I realized to my horror that I did not have enough ammo to repulse a counterattack, as I only had a few Cheerios left in my almost-empty bowl, whereas she had a lot! Milk, too!
The point is not that I am a brilliant military tactician, but that, I mean, how can one NOT be buying gold, silver and oil at these bargain prices, knowing that there is a LOT of inflation in prices ahead? How can one person, especially one of our country's vaunted "economists", be so laughably ill-educated, so impossibly stupid, so ridiculously inept as to NOT be flogging the virtues of owning gold, and a gold-standard dollar, with every breath?
Divining the human mind is, of course, impossible, and lots of things are hideously complex.
But there IS one easy thing. It was astonishingly revealed when the Sacred Mogambo Scrolls (SMS) were deciphered. Basically, when the money supply is expanding, things will cost more because there is nowhere else for the money to go except into competing for the relatively static supply of goods and services, driving up the prices of some things, then most things, and then everything.
Also found in the SMS, you will be interested to know, is the Mogambo Easy Way To Wealth (MEWTW), the secrets of which I will reveal to you if you will merely, and discretely, send me a thousand bucks, all of it in used, non-sequential hundred-dollar bills, sent to me in a brown wrapper, with correct postage and no return address, and addressed to "Occupant."
If you are still here, reading, wondering "What in the hell was THAT?", it means either that you recognize the obvious scam, or otherwise not interested in my fabulous offer to impart to you, in exchange for a mere modicum of cash, the Immortal Wisdom Of The Mogambo (IWOTM) and its Mogambo Easy Way To Wealth (MEWTW).
In that case, it won't do any harm to tell you, anyway.
Buy gold, silver and oil. Why? Well, The first two, gold and silver, because that's the way it has always worked out, in all of history, for the last 2,500 years, with particular emphasis on "always."
The oil? Because the way things work these days, without oil, nobody eats.
And what is oil worth in terms of the devalued dollar, thanks to the evil and compliant Federal Reserve, a corrupt institution that has already devalued the dollar by a whopping 97% of its purchasing power since 1913 by creating so much new money to act as lapdog lackey to the stupid, delusional, corrupt, treacherous, lying, profligate, self-absorbed Congress borrowing hideous amounts and spending us into well-deserved bankruptcy, and thus desperately needing the cash that the Federal Reserve creates?
So buy gold, silver and oil! It's all just that easy! As is proved by the Mogambo Easy Way To Wealth (MEWTW), now selling at a 50% discount price of only five hundred bucks. Act now!
It's all so easy, in fact, that you will probably think to yourself "Whee! This investing stuff IS easy! I'm glad I didn't waste five hundred clams by buying that stupid Mogambo Easy Way To Wealth (MEWTW), even at "fifty percent off", giving me another five hundred smackeroos in hand with which to buy more gold and silver now! Whee!"
Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barrons, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications. Visit his website.