Soup’s On

Some folks have written in asking for my recipe for Great Spotted Suck Toad Soup so I thought I’d share it all with you. If you’re wondering what the heck I’m talking about, see

Great Spotted Suck Toad Soup

  • 3 Great Suck Toadsu2014kill them first by squishing them (do this outdoors as it is quite messy)
  • Hot Water
  • 1 Onion, minced
  • Garlic clove, minced
  • 26 Tablespoons of Cayenne pepper
  • Salt
  • Pepper

Toss all of the above into bit pot on stove. Bring to rolling boilu2014then simmer. Serve to any nosy bureaucrat/census taker who comes over to your house. Tie them up and make u2018em eat it if you have to. If the nosy bureaucrat/census taker refuses to eat their soup like good bureaucrats should, then add them to the soup. If you don’t want to spoil your suck toad soup by doing that, just pour the soup on u2018em. The cayenne alone will suffice to … ah … tenderize the bureaucrat/census taker. Hell hath no fury like 26 Tbs of cayenne!


Patricia Neill is managing editor of a scholarly journal on the life and work of William Blake, the 18th-century artist and poet.