Recently by James Altucher: What To Do When She Leaves You
I missed investing in Google. I missed investing in Foursquare. I made fun of the guy who started Lycos. I missed, I lost, I suffered, I cried. I could’ve started other businesses instead of the ones I did. I could’ve accepted job offers instead of lying in my hammock crying about failures. How much time have I wasted thinking of just nothing but crap. Probably years.
I want to be productive, healthy, and happy.When you spend even two minutes mentally debating the worst people in your life (as I did the first two minutes after I woke up today) those two minutes add up. Throughout the day, these thoughts add up until you ask yourself at the end of the day, “What happened?” and you have no answer.
People say, “well I played too many games. Or I gossiped too much at the water cooler.” But nobody says, “I spent too many fragmented minutes and seconds thinking thoughts of pessimism or jealousy.
Better to not have 80% of my thoughts (or more on some days!) be “not useful”. So one practice is to label thoughts even more specifically. You pretend your brain is a giant Gmail inbox. Here are nine filters you can use to get rid of the negative thoughts.
Nine types of thoughts that will prevent you from succeeding at your business or in your job.
Caddyshack
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1) Pessimistic thoughts: For instance, judging myself too harshly. Or assuming I’m no good at something so I shouldn’t even try. Or assuming I’m destined to be an unhealthy old man. These are all negative thoughts. How do I know I can label them as “negative thoughts”? As opposed to negative reality? Because they have no basis in fact. I don’t know how I will be as an old man. And if I judge someone too harshly before I even know them – what’s the point? It’s one thing if they reach into my pocket and try to take my wallet. Then I can judge them: “this person steals things” but until then, why judge? And yet I do. What a waste!
Or, before I give a talk, thinking that I’m going to do horribly despite the fact that I’ve prepared well and it’s a friendly crowd, etc. All the evidence suggests that my negative thought is not based in reality and yet I’ll still think it. When I ran a fund of hedge funds I always found myself waking up at three in the morning thinking some fund was stealing from me. I was paranoid about this. So paranoid I eventually had to shut the fund of funds down. But I should’ve just labeled these thoughts “negative” or “not useful” and gone back to sleep.
2) Vice: My vice thoughts start when I wake up. Who made me angry the day before? Do I look good in the mirror? Or when I look at the below picture of Larry Page (referred to as “human being #1” in my house) I get envious. Or am I constantly thinking of the waffles I’m going to eat at breakfast in the city later? That might be a fun thought (just like constantly thinking about sex) but it’s not necessarily one that will bring me closer to happiness or success. I can enjoy the waffle when I eat it. I can enjoy sex when I’m doing it with someone I love. I don’t have to think of it every second of the day.
3) Perfectionism/Shame: We spend our first few years of life being programmed by commercialism into thinking that some things are important: getting a college degree, owning a home, having as many people as possible love you (fame), getting attached to certain things (like the Dr. McCoy doll I have sitting right next to my computer that nobody better mess with), getting a private plane, having sex with as many people as possible. These thoughts of what a perfect life would be like are binding. What if you don’t get the college degree, or own the home, or get the yacht in the Mediterranean. Will you feel shame? Will you panic? How come?
Back to School
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Perfectionism is a form of bondage. We want things to be “just right” or else we are unhappy. We become ashamed. Why, when I had $10mm, did I want $100mm? I had enough to live forever. And yet, some feeling inside of me thought I was imperfect, unloved, not good enough, unless I had that $100mm. And then, of course, I lost it all. And I really did feel shame. For years! Bondage thoughts are not only not useful, they are damaging.
4) Possessiveness: There’s that Sting song, “if you love someone, set them free.” A lot of people love others but don’t want the other to be free. They say, “I love you” but the love is tainted with need, with desire, with jealousy. How do you catch yourself when you feel this less pure form of love. Jealousy is like this also. Why did this friend sell his business for $80 million and I’m still working 29 hours a day. Or why did this other friend cash out when he was just a low-level employee of Facebook? It’s hard. But it’s still a type of thought that will bring you down, force you to live a lesser life than the person you were meant to be. When you think you have the purest motives, take a second to check yourself – what are your ulterior motives. What would happen if you don’t get what you want?
5) Painful: We just had the Thanksgiving holidays. This gives rise to a lot of pleasurable thoughts. But also painful ones. Often we’re put together with family and friends that bring back memories. Often painful memories that lead to anger, that lead to provoking. We want all the thoughts to be pleasurable. Mmmm, turkey, stuffing, cake, loving family. But it doesn’t work out that way. We remember the past, we remember the things that were done to us. Everyone shouts hysterically, confusing it with historically. I went to a Thanksgiving once where one sister threw coffee on another sister. What started out as pleasurable thoughts (“MMM, thanksgiving!”) quickly turned painful. This Thanksgiving I spent the entire day on a plane. It was my best Thanksgiving ever!
