Getting the Love You W...
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In The Development of Personality, Carl Jung writes that, "…it is the strength of the bond to the parents that unconsciously influences the choice of husband or wife, either positively or negatively." As my own divorce drama unfolded many years ago, it became clear to me that there were deeper issues between my husband and me than appeared on the surface. As I began to read literature which echoed Jung’s premise that our choice of romantic partners is directly influenced by our past experiences with our parents or primary caretakers, I realized the tremendous influence our upbringing has on our adult relationships.
Solemate: Master the A...
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Romantic love has been studied from several perspectives, resulting in a deeper understanding of human relationships. In his book, Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix presents three of these perspectives – the bio-logic, social-exchange, and persona theories:
The bio-logic theory is that there is a biological basis for romance. This evolutionary premise is that we instinctively choose mates who will ensure the survival of the species; for example, men with overt alpha characteristics – domination of other males – and women whose vitality and health indicate a woman at the height of her childbearing years.
The social-exchange theory is based on the idea that we choose mates whom we see as our equals. According to this school of thought, we conduct an evaluation of a prospective partner which is more involved than that of the bio-logic model. Not only do we evaluate a person’s youth and social status, but other qualities such as their creativity, intelligence, humor, and kindness.
The basis of the persona theory is that our mate is determined by the degree to which he or she raises our self-esteem. Many of us have felt pride and perhaps some embarrassment because of the way we believe our partners are perceived by other people.
June 18, 2009
