America, Land of Opportunity

These hard economic times have affected us all. That's why I decided now was the time to make a career change. So I began applying for jobs that may not have paid as well as previous jobs but rather were jobs that I knew I would enjoy.

You can do this in America, I thought to myself. Of all the countries I have lived in, the U.S. is truly the land of opportunity. Especially for a white male!

First stop: Hooters. I'd always loved the atmosphere at Hooters. Men drinking beer, eating chicken wings and watching sports. HooAaa! If I could spend my days mingling with those guys I'd be a happy camper. Unfortunately I was told that I have to be a woman to wait tables at Hooters.

Next stop: Black Entertainment Television (BET). I always wanted to be on television. Unfortunately, I was told that they limited the number of white people appearing on BET.

Next stop: the LPGA tour. I'd seen several women playing on the PGA tour so certainly men could play on the women's tour. Unfortunately, I was told that men are not permitted to compete on the LPGA tour.

Next stop: a job at the V.A. but they gave it to a veteran

Next stop: a job at Good Will Industries but they gave it to a handicapped person.

Next stop: a job at a Muslim mosque but I was told I'd have to convert to Islam.

Finally I realized that I would only be able to make a career change if I were to do it myself. To invest my own money and time and effort into starting a new business. So I decided to invest my life's savings and open up my own business: a Hebrew Fitness Center catering to the wealthy Jewish retirees in south Florida. Certainly a very rich and untapped market.

So I had to hire fitness trainers.

First applicant was a young Jewish white girl who unfortunately was grossly overweight. Certainly not the image a fitness center wants to present. I had to turn her down.

Second was a young, white, Muslim fellow who informed me that if hired would need to pray 5 times a day. Unfortunately, I felt that, that kind of possible tension in my fitness center could be detrimental to business. I had to turn him down.

Then a handsome, fit, young black man who seemed perfect for the job except he had no experience as a fitness trainer. I had to turn him down.

In the end I had to close my yet to open Jewish Fitness Center in order to concentrate all my time and money on:

  • The lawsuit brought by the overweight white girl for sexual discrimination
  • The lawsuit brought by the Muslim man for religious discrimination
  • The lawsuit brought by the black man with no experience for racial discrimination

Eventually, all my savings were gone as was my home and I had to move into a homeless shelter. Nonetheless, I realized that no matter how bad things get, at least I can be thankful that I live in a country where the government doesn't control your life!

January 8, 2009