Attacking the Girl Scouts


The forces of evil have been trying to eradicate the United States since its founding. The most alarming threats have historically been external. For forty-five years, some Americans harbored a genuine fear of Communism. As a result, American taxpayers threw trillions of pesos at the military-industrial complex, 58,000 Americans died trying to rescue a peninsula in Southeast Asia, and no one had permission to visit Cuba. The government "saved" us from the Red Menace — right before it collapsed. Then the terrorists struck. The government is now in the process of "saving" us from this threat, which debuted on September 11, 2001.

Over the last week a new threat has emerged. This time the evildoers reside within our national borders. That factor alone should make citizens more nervous. We do not have oceans protecting us. Legal constraints limit our military from confronting the menace head on. The willful repudiation of the Second Amendment by our courts has disarmed the average American. Luckily, we have Ms. MeMe Roth of New Jersey spearheading our defenses against … the Girl Scouts!?

Exhibiting an inimitable, preening self-virtue, Ms. Roth has called for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies. In a press release (!) issued February 19th, Ms. Roth, President of National Action Against Obesity ("NAAO"), reasoned thus, "Girl Scout Cookies are high-calorie, high-sugar, high in saturated fat and nearly devoid of nutrition. Using young girls as a front to push millions of cookies onto an already bloated population further exacerbates an alarming crisis, no matter how cute the uniforms are. The Girl Scouts sell up to 200 million boxes yearly — that’s about one box for every overweight American.” Perhaps we should not laugh at Ms. Roth’s one-woman imitation of the Nanny State. Using history as precedent, boycotts can turn ugly. And unsuccessful boycotts can turn even uglier.

Shortly after taking office in April 1933, Adolf Hitler called for the boycott of Jewish owned shops, department stores, and banks. Never one to shy away from inflaming an already ugly situation, Hitler enlisted his Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels to publicly defend the boycott in a speech at the Berlin Lustgarten. Goebbels railed against anti-German "atrocity propaganda" spread by "international Jewry" in exhorting Germans to forego transacting with Jews.

If Goebbels’ words did not spur Germans to avoid Jewish businesses, a backup plan existed. Hitler stationed his menacing Sturmabteilung with placards reading "Germans! Defend Yourselves! Don’t buy from Jews!" in front of Jewish stores.

Yet the boycott message fell on deaf ears. While Hitler and Goebbels fulminated against abstractions like "Jewish finance capital" and "Judeo-Bolshevism," most Germans lived in the reality of day-to-day dealings with Jewish merchants. For the time being Jews appeared to be safe. But Hitler’s ardor burned on.

Shortly after this rare domestic political failure, the Nazi regime passed a series of laws limiting Jews in numerous ways. These laws prevented Jews from holding civil service positions, a prestigious career in Germany of the 30s. In the field of education, the Nazis banned Jews from teaching at universities and limited their enrollment in public schools. Additionally, Jews could not work as journalists. Subsequently, all German newspapers fell under Nazi control. The immediate price German Jews paid for their fellow Germans’ insolent disobedience of the boycott orders portended a horrific future. As we know all too well, the story ends as one of history’s darkest moments.

Hitler’s boycott orders represented one of the early steps in his grand scheme. One can only wonder if a boycott called against innocuous 12-year-old girls likewise has ulterior motives. At what point would Ms. Roth’s organization recognize that buyers of Girl Scout cookies in the United States of 2007 face no pressure to transact in comparison to Germans under the threatening stare of Nazi brown shirts in April 1933? Should she succeed in routing the wholesome girls in green shirts, where will Ms. Roth and her minions set their sights next? With her latest foray into the absurd, we should not be surprised when Ms. Roth calls for mandatory exercise programs for anyone she deems unfit. Never underestimate the imagination or zealotry of a Nanny State Gauleiter.

In the meantime here is a suggestion for Ms. Roth. Perhaps she might consider changing her title from President of the NAAO to Frau Präsident. The Teutonic version fits better.