Rockwell Exclusive! White House Comes Clean On Bush's Whereabouts During Vietnam War!

Well, they’ve finally decided to tell the truth, have they? Those bums.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan seen here.

The White House, facing election-year questions about President Bush’s military service, released pay records, letters, and other information that it said supports Bush’s assertion that he fulfilled his duty during the Vietnam war.

“When you serve, you are paid for that service. These documents outline the days on which he was paid. That means he served. And these other documents also show that his superiors understand that he met his requirements,” press secretary Scott McClellan told reporters. “And it’s just really a shame that people are continuing to bring this up.” — Yes, you know he’s right. It’s just really, really a shame that people keep bringing it up. What a shame. Shameful really.

“These documents clearly show that the president fulfilled his duties,” McClellan said.

Questions by several members of the Alabama National Guard, the Texas National Guard, his ex-sister in law, the Texas Rangers baseball club, Alcoholics Anonymous, and the entire population of the United States, who claimed to have never seen Bush at any Air-National Guard base had their questions finally put to rest as McClellan explained that, “The actual reason that no-one saw George W. Bush at the base is because he was, in fact, serving under-cover for the U.S. government intelligence services. As you all know, his father George Herbert Walker was a C.I.A. agent. Well, Dubya actually served in an organization so secret that even many U.S. government officials do not know about it.”

The documents indicate that Bush received credit for nine days of active duty during the period that has been cited by Democrats as evidence that Bush shirked his military responsibilities.

The four agents in question pictured here. (From Left to Right: 86, the Chief, Agent Double-0, and 99.) The White House was quick to point out that the clocks pictured on the wall in the rear are proof of the time when this picture was taken.

Not only does the White House have record of Dubya’s service as a Control Agent from the TV series, “Get Smart;” they have produced a memo written by retired Control agent, Maxwell Smart, at the request of the White House, that said a review of Bush’s records showed that he had “satisfactory years” as agent “Double-0,” during the war years. “Which proves that he completed his military obligation in a satisfactory manner.”

Agent “Double-O” was actually a Control agent, also known as “the Invisible Agent” by undercover members of both Control and K.A.O.S.

After serving time in this very dangerous position, Agent Double-O’s name was changed to “Dub-ya” in order to protect his true identity as well as for the safety of his family members who were in constant danger as they were habitually driving drunk and in consistent danger of O.D.

Asked why the White House had not publicly brought forward any comrades who had served during the period with Bush, McClellan said, “Well, Hymie was sold for scrap metal. No one knows where the Chief is now. Larabee is dead. And Siegfried went into hiding after the fall of the Berlin Wall.”

Hymie is now proudly serving his country as part of a Toyota Corolla Carburetor.

When Agent 99 was asked about the invisible agent, “Agent Double-0,” she replied, “Yes, we dated. But I never actually saw him on the set.”

The pay information documented the dates when Bush showed up for duty, the spokesman said. “You are paid for the dates you served,” McClellan added.

Democrats angrily responded by saying, “These records prove nothing as — How can you actually prove the invisible agent was there when no-one saw him?”

Siegfried, far right, whereabouts unknown.

Bush’s military record was raised as an issue in the 2000 campaign and was revived this year by Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe, who called Bush “AWOL” — absent without leave — during a period of his service when he was supposed to be in Alabama, when in fact, he was in Hollywood.

Asked if the records should end the controversy about Bush’s service, McClellan said, “You have to ask those who made these outrageous accusations if they stand by them in the face of this documentation that demonstrates he served and fulfilled his duties.”

Yes. Ask them. It’s a shame that they keep bringing it up too.

McClellan offered this photo of 99, 86, and the Chief looking over (Agent Double-0) Bush’s service record as proof.

Bush enlisted in the Texas Air National Guard in 1968 as a cover for activities in the Control organization shortly before graduating from Yale University with a degree in Recreational Chemistry.

Questions have been raised about whether family connections helped him get into Control when there were waiting lists for what was seen as an easy billing. Bush says no one in his family pulled strings and that he got in because others didn’t want to commit to the almost two years of “having to put up with Larabee’s incompetence.”

McClellan’s insisted that Bush’s early discharge from the TV series was not uncommon for hack actors or other’s with “personal problems,” whether they are visible to others or not.

When asked if that meant that Bush was invisible or that his personal problems were invisible, the White House refused to respond.

Agent 86 and 99 training the Invisible Agent on horseback riding on the Invisible Horse.

Later Maxwell Smart, also known as Agent 86, was rumored to have commented that Bush’s grades were, “Horrendous in attendance. Alarming in disarming…And he was failing in tailing.”