(as told by George W) You’ve heard the story of the empire race, Dollar and the Euro settin’ the pace Story’s true, I’m here to rave ‘Cause I was drivin’ that Model Abe
Had a Claremont body, straight from the shop Lincoln verbiage that was over the top Had five little words, used them all With "Neo-Con"®, it just won’t stall
Straussian gears and a Perle exhaust Wolfowitz carb, you could really get lost Roadmap, too, I ain’t scared The Rumsfeld’s good, the Powell’s fair
I pulled out of CENTCOM, late one night The crescent moon was shinin’ bright I was climbin’ up that Hindu Kush Guy in the mirror looked like a Bush
("That you, JEB??" honk, honk)
All of sudden in the a wink of an eye, A Cadillac sedan passed me by Ariel shouted, "Got a job for thee" Then a telltale map was all you could see
Dick Cheney was goadin’ me from behind I said, "Hey, I’ll get into Lincoln’s mind" Consulted Jaffa and the Claremont wheels Then shoved it down into overzeal I wound it up to a feverish pitch Passed Henry K, that son of a bitch Brent Scowcroft scowled as I started to soar But they’re history, those tired old bores
Froggy figured I’d lost my sense But the things we do, why, they’re self-defense He said, "Slow down, don’t be so rude" By the time he spoke, Iraq was screwed
So I cut a few corners, sideswiped the law Crossed my fingers just for Ma We got there firstest and with the most, Only one complainin’ was Bob Taft’s ghost
Smoke was comin’ from out of Iraq When I started to gain on that guy, Chirac I knew I could catch him, thought I could pass He’ll be comin’ to us for oil and gas
Flame was shootin’ from out of the towns You could feel the angst of the Neo-Clowns I said, "Pull over, boys, I got a license to fly, Alan’s inflated the money supply"
Well all of sudden, we heard from Putin And we’re down in the ditch, surprised by lootin’ I looked in the mirror, there was a red light blinkin’ Kofi was after me for playin’ Lincoln
They arrested me and threw me in jail And called my Poppy to go my bail He said, "Son You’re gonna drive me to drinkin’ If you don’t quit tryin’ to be Hot Rod Lincoln."
April 19, 2003