The Hillary Quiz

by Gene Callahan and Stu Morgenstern

As First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton heads off to play a Senator in Congress, we thought it would be nice if readers of got to know her a little better. To that purpose, we’ve prepared a little quiz. How well do you score?

1. What was the name of the book Hillary wrote in 1996? It Takes Time and Newsweek Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Reeducation Camp Chicken Soup for Your Bowl It Takes a Village, and Other Lessons I'll Teach You

2. Hillary has: Two sisters Two brothers Two brothers and two sisters Sex about once a decade

3. Where did Hillary earn her undergraduate degree, anyway? Wellesley College Patrice Lumumba Peoples Friendship University Smith College The Suharto Financial Institute

4. Hillary has donated over a million dollars from her book “It Takes A Village” to which of the following causes? Churches Children’s Hospitals The Democratic Party The Clinton Defense Fund

5. Which law distinction did Hillary receive? Named one of the 100 most influential lawyers in America Served as a staff attorney on the Watergate Committee Graduated Yale Law School First wife of President to be subpoened

6. Who did Hillary meet as a youth that profoundly influenced her life? Eleanor Roosevelt Queen Elizabeth I Cleopatra Joan of Arc

7. What are the names of Hillary’s parents? Ted and Alice Gregory and Patricia Hugh and Dorothy Beelzebub and Lillith

8. Hillary published a book of children’s letters to the First Family’s two pets. What are the names of the First Cat and First Dog? Phil and Jerry Socks and Buddy Monica and Vince Rush and G. Gordon

9. For which of the following "Clinton for Governor" contributors did Hillary serve on the Board of Directors? Wal-Mart TCBY Children’s Television Workshop All of the above

10. Which youth organization that Hillary was a member of as a young girl does she now serve as honorary chair? The Girl Scouts 4H The Five Satins Six Degrees of Separation

11. What is the name of the program designed to help preserve American heritage that Hillary has been traveling around the country to support? Save America’s Baubles Preserving Our Precious Attic Junk America, Land of Important Stuff

12. What kind of art has Hillary promoted by bringing shows to the White House? American Crafts Sculpture Native American Art Theater of the Absurd

13. When she was 15, Hillary dreamed of being…? An Astronaut A Teacher An Architect 16

14. What was Hillary’s favorite card game as a child? War BlackJack Three-Card Monte Strip Poker

15. What did Hillary’s mom teach? Obedience Civics Sunday School Marxist economics

16. What is Hillary’s favorite spicy food? Salsa Tabasco sauce Chili Liver with fava beans and a nice chianti

17. The name of the Children’s foundation that Hillary has worked with for 20 years and served as President is…? UNICEF Band Aid Children’s Defense Fund NAMBLA

18. On the first date Hillary and President Bill Clinton went on together, what did they do? Go to a strip club Study in the library Visit the Yale museum exhibit on medieval torture Reach third base

19. What did Hillary’s father do for a living? Lawyer Small businessman who sold drapery fabrics Self-employed hardware store owner Advisor to Evita Peron

20. What did Hillary accomplish while at Wellesley College? Finished 20 bong hits in one sitting Delivered the first student graduation speech in Esperanto Worked to increase minority enrollment All of the above

21. What was the name of Hillary and Bill Clinton’s first dog? Paula Gennifer Juanita Linda

22. Where did Hillary work while attending law school? Yale Child Study Center New Haven Day Care Center Friendly’s Corner of Chapel and Ellsworth

23. What activities did Hillary enjoy as a young adult? Taunting the children of migrant farmworkers Playing softball Badgering her betters All of the above

Gene Callahan is a regular contributor to, and Stu Morgenstern is contributing editor at The Frumious Bandersnatch.

2001, Gene Callahan and Stu Morgenstern