"Like Nails on a Chalkboard: Faulty Grammar in Metrobus Ad Makes District School Officials Cringe." This is the title of an especially delicious article that appeared in the Washington Post this past January 4th.
The in-your-face ad spanning the length of the buses reads "DC Public Schools Wants You!!! Go To Class-It' a Blast!!!" Seventy-five buses so emblazoned for one month cost the district $41,000. Superintendent Paul L. Vance, we are told, when asked about the s missing after the apostrophe was "infuriated by the error." (Just one? I might inquire.) "It reinforces the perception that we're less than competent." To this priceless quotation, I can't resist adding my own funny papers punctuation–!?!
"u2018Oh dear, oh dear,' said D.C. Council member Sharon Ambrose who serves on the panel's education committee. u2018What an embarrassment….The message is, unfortunately, probably going to be that someone in the D.C. public schools doesn't know how to write.'"
Ho, ho, hee, hee!!! Oh, Sharon, please stop, you're killing me!!!
Clearly, this article is supposed to have us wringing our hands at the horrid grammar of educators in our nation's capital. Many may go so far as to call the incident a national embarrassment, but some how I can't get worked up over it. I wouldn't call the missing s a grammatical error at all but a typographical one. Having produced many articles, brochures, flyers, newsletters and several ads of my own over the years, I would feel sympathy rather than disgust at such an easy-to-make mistake.
I would feel sympathy, that is, if I were not worked up over the true outrage in The Missing S Affair – tax dollars spent for propaganda aimed at school children.
Since the early days of American education, children have found school boring, burdensome, and constraining, at best. At worst, school has been the venue for stifling spirits, assaulting psyches, and numbing minds. Their modus operandi has always been humiliation, their facilities breeding grounds for bullies. Yes, from the beginning, free market education notwithstanding. Read about the experiences of Ben Franklin, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Thomas Edison. Recall the proverbial schoolmaster with a whip in hand or the Catholic nun with a ruler. No don't – think of your own experience. What is worse is that today's torturer is an empath who recommends therapy and Ritalin for your child's own good. The abuse has not been eradicated but has migrated from the physical to the psychological.
We would be most appreciative if someone would research for us how many Washington D.C. schools have metal detectors, uniformed or armed guards, lock downs, barred windows, chain link fences with or without razor wire, drug-sniffing dogs, gangs, drug dealers, bullies or any other accouterments of penitentiaries.
With these ads, D.C. district officials are telling students who endure the abuses of government schooling that their aversion to the classroom is unfounded, made up, all in their heads. School is actually, well, fun. "Forget about your daily experiences," they say. "Deny reality. You are having u2018a blast.' The sign says so."
Are these people really nutty enough to think that a handful of signs will contribute to solving the truancy "crisis"? I will have more to say shortly about this latest bugaboo, much more. But for now, I'd like to remind the Education Establishment of an admonition from Princess Leia: "The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."
In the spirit of truth in advertising, let's demand the ads be corrected to read "Go to Class, It' a Stinkin' Prison."
PS. When discussing the Missing S Affair with a colleague, we found that we had the same off the cuff reaction to the ad – that it was written to be ebonically correct. I suspect that this was a public relations problem of a different variety. Shall we call Superintendent Vance and ax him?
January 26, 2000
Cathy Cuthbert is a wife, mother and homeschool advocate living in California. Look for more commentary on education at her new web project, deschooling.org, coming in the next few weeks. She can be reached at [email protected].
