Sarah Palinís Ass Or: How I Learned To Start Worrying and Hate the Bomb
by C.J. Maloney
by C.J. Maloney
tell their children,
you survive, donít do what we did.
~ The Fixx
only watched because of my wife. She insisted that the vice presidential
debate last October between Sarah Palin and Joseph Biden had potential
to be entertaining. Sarah Palin, the woman from nowhere, so green
and minor league that she couldnít even handle a puff of an interview
with the likes of Katie Couric, was going up against Joseph Biden,
a long-tenured grandee of the Senate, a veteran political huckster
with a smooth polished to smoother by decades of selling his soul.
This could be a televised massacre.
letís now give Mrs. Palin her due. Despite the nervous twitches,
the desperate mental struggles to remember her lines scrolling across
her face, and the chirpy cheerleader delivery, she held her own.
I went from wondering if a vice presidential candidate had ever
been debated to tears, live, to giving her a mental high five for
gritting it through.
having seen many televised campaign events during my lifetime, I
was a bit taken aback, though, as the view kept panning behind
the candidates, specifically behind Mrs. Palin. Is that normal?
Iíve seen Hillary on camera countless times over the years and I
donít have a clue what her ass looks like; on the contrary Mrs.
Palinís was on prominent display.
wife was right; they put on an entertaining show. No experience
is ever completely wasted, and I took away two things from my foray
into genuine American agitprop, one of which was this Ė Sarah Palin
has a really nice ass.
such advantage though, Mrs. Palin did not set history as Americaís
first female vice president; she had to settle for the silver as
Americaís first female vice presidential candidate to have a porn
movie made specifically with her in mind, the wonderfully titled
Nailiní Paylin. Congratulations, Sarah.
I donít know
how the Republicans are going to top this for the next go-round,
but Politico.com ran a story this last February 30th
claiming Karl Rove has been out trawling our great nationís finer
strip clubs. From so recently having no interest at all in American
politics, Iím already looking forward to 2016.
are my best friends, through thick and thin,
Best friends are we!!!!
~ Cartman, on South Park
was one other thing, as I said, that grabbed my attention. It was
the only time during the entire debate when either Biden and Palin
seemed legitimately perky, it made a rouge of color came to Bidenís
waxy dead cheeks and Palin get to shaking her pom-poms all frantic:
when the subject over who was a better, more ardent defender of
Israel was breached.
Living in the
Age of AIPAC, both candidates showed an extreme concern that their
deeply felt, unequivocal support of Israel be plain for all to see,
and their groveling brought to my mind the Federalist Papers
No. 75, the one where Alexander Hamilton warns of the "ambitious
man (who) might make his own aggrandizement, by the aid of a foreign
power, the price of his treachery to his constituents." Their
attitude towards Israel is par for the course in American politics;
everyone from Obama to McCain to Hillary crawls through the doggie
doors of AIPAC, barking loyalty.
democracy being what it is, such behavior is only possible because
the American people have always had a heavy-breathed ache for Israel
since the moment of her creation. As Walter
Russell Mead pointed out in Foreign Affairs magazine last
summer, Americaís crush for Israel has been our most deeply
held, popular foreign policy stance since 1947, the year she was
created on a slice of Middle Eastern land given her by the kind
generosity of the United Nations.
help argue for the United States government to recognize the existence
of Israel Clark Clifford (the White House chief counsel) quoted
President Truman a religious passage from the Book of Deuteronomy
Ė and how could Harry disagree with God? Birthed from religious
text, American foreign policy in the Middle East has imported to
our shores the virulent madness created from two thousand years
of endless fighting, all to see who gets to claim lordship over
a pile of holy rocks.
exposure to the Holy Land has been sixty years too long; weíve gone
mentally toxic from breathing its religious fanaticisms, and now
massacres and midnight raids and torture chambers occupy our time.
America has gone insane, at least temporarily.
So to all the
people around the world, many my lunatic fellow countrymen may have
crushed, shredded, or stacked into pyramids, I ask that you forgive
us, for we know not what we do. I have lived forty years and see
we are intellectually spent, utterly mindless, our rational thought
dulled by the endless war any empire requires, particularly one
that concentrates on the Holy Land.
We are punch-drunk
and staggered from all the fighting and now most of our blows, like
the Patriot Act, land on ourselves. With each crisis we tighten
down on our own chains, yet of all the sad results so far, the lost
lives, liberties, and skyscrapers, America will one day be best
remembered for her singular, all-time greatest foreign policy blunder
Ė she let Israel get The Bomb.
killed many more as he died than while he lived.
~ Judges 16:30
could say that dismal men are on the ascendant in Israel, with the
militant Likud Party oozing into power alongside the racist Israel
Our Home Party. But bad men combined with nukes, in and of themselves,
present no mortal threat to the whole international community. Stalin
had the bomb, Mao too; we lived.
ago Seymour Hersh published an article, "The Samson Option,"
detailing Israelís plan to turn all the Middle East into a radioactive
dustbowl if her existence was ever threatened. Yet, this doesnít
really mean anything. Iím sure every nuclear power has its "Doomsday
Plan," getting to write one is part of the fun that comes from
buying an ICBM.
knows for sure what any politician with their finger on the button
will decide when it comes to it, but whatís for certain is that
at some point in the future, like it or not, with a nuclear armed
Israel the whole world is going to find out.
has two distinct long-term disadvantages to her survival that all
other nuclear powers thankfully lack Ė horrid demographics and a
torrid, passionate subsidized relationship with a sugar daddy, in
this case America. This puts the entire international community
under mortal threat.
lavished with billions in direct and indirect US taxpayer subsidies
and explicitly protected by Americaís immense military, Israel,
like all subsidized entities, is not running on a self-sustainable
basis. While the IDF is a world class military, Israel punches far
above her weight not due to any inherit strength, but at the pleasure
and willingness of the American taxpayer to keep her on the gravy
train. Thatís a shaky foundation to build nuclear platforms upon,
because the day will inevitably come when America, through either
lack of ability or inclination, no longer glares protectively over
Israelís shoulder or stuffs her purse full of diamonds.
is safety in numbers, especially in the endless bar brawl that we
call the Holy Land, and the numbers are dead set against Israel.
She exists as a small dab of Jewish dropped into an ocean of Muslim
and, to make things even more hopeless, with a birthrate that canít
match her neighbors. Population experts predict that at present
rates Jews will be a minority within Israel itself this half century.
the end, it is demographics, the weight of bodies, which decide
who rules, and the IDF will inevitably run out of what is every
armyís most valuable resource Ė fighting men. And knowing that US
soldiers will not be filling the gap, the Muslim world will see
the chance theyíve been waiting for since 1947.
Muslim armies are driving hard towards a Tel Aviv bursting with
terrified refugees mingled among the retreated, shattered remnants
of a defeated IDF, the Jewish Israelis will do what a people consumed
by fear have always done Ė they will turn for leadership to the
demagogues among them, the raving madmen with the greatest dose
of ruthless charisma, and the ones who promise redemption, in this
life or the next, will end up on top.
they will make men such as Netanyahu (the top boss of Likud) and
Avigdor Lieberman (ditto for Israel our Home) look like Gandhi in
those Muslim armies arrive with a hateful vengeance to announce
Israelís end game, what will those madmen do with all those nuclear
weapons lying about? Come to think, what would men such as Netanyahu
and Lieberman do? How much of a deterrent is the threat of nuclear
martyrdom to a Muslim army? For all the shouting about how the bomb
must be kept out of Iran, weíd be better off to concentrate on getting
it out of Israel.
Keynes was correct about the long run Ė death comes to us
all without exception; even your child that you kiss to sleep is
on a timer. Sometimes you go gently in your bed and sometimes you
go fast, hard, and with lots of other people, all together screaming
in big bloody bunches. All you can do is hope for the former and
I pray that when the inevitable arrives, when Israelís timer hits
zero, that I, along with everyone I love, am already safely and
I wish the same for you, reader.
[send him mail] lives and
works in New York City.
© 2009 by LewRockwell.com. Permission to reprint in whole or in
part is gladly granted, provided full credit is given.