It
Should Be So
or…, Pie in the Sky or…,
In Your Wildest Dreams
by
Chuck
George
by Chuck George
STATE OF THE
UNION ( SATIRE ! )
For Immediate
Release
Office of the
Press Secretary ( SATIRE ! )
January 31,
2006
State of the
Union Address
Chamber of
the U.S. House of Representatives
The United
States Capitol
Washington,
D.C.
President's
Remarks; corrected copy, 8:55 P.M. EST, January 31, 2006
An Epiphany;
Restoration of the Constitution: State of the Union 2006
9:10
P.M. EST
THE PRESIDENT:
Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, fellow
citizens:
First: a brief
announcement:
The text from
which I am reading is a vast departure from that which was distributed
this morning.
The United
States of America will radically alter direction in its policy profile
in both the international arena and on the domestic scene, effective
as I speak. We will no longer seek empire or hegemony on the world
scene; we will strive to realize the vision of the Founders here
at home.
I apologize
to the Democratic Congresspeople, and many of the Republican, because
they have not been given a chance to study this edition of tonight’s
address. I would urge that they not say too much until they read
it, study it, discuss it, and read the book referred to below, and
think it all over. I’m sure the media will give them lots of time
to express their ideas, especially the objections.
Several months
ago arrangements were made for me to meet and confer at some length
with an intellectual person of renown in his field of socio-politico-economics.
He and the small group gathered got my attention. We met several
times, sort of a seminar, and we expanded our attendance from meeting
to meeting. I read a book [pause for laughter].
All of this
was carried on in utmost secrecy, not State secrecy, but the secrecy
of a group dedicated to ideas which, if broadcast, would excite
variable responses that would doom it from the outset but which
ideas are correct, noble, practical, workable and necessary and
will be effected.
Effectively,
I have enjoyed an epiphany; I have been introduced to a school of
thought that I am now convinced is correct and the only course for
this great Republic to take. Those convictions carry with them the
realization that the course we have followed since 2001 has been
terribly, terribly wrong. The course that we have followed since
1933 has been terribly wrong. The course that we have followed since
1913 has been terribly wrong. And there were some pretty glaring
wrongs before then.
We are reversing
course in the interest of the people of the United States, in the
interest of their God-given, Natural and Constitutionally guaranteed
rights as citizens, in the interest of their material welfare in
a new (to our generations) economy that will perceptibly enhance
the life style of the typical household within weeks, while, at
the same time, allowing each individual to pursue his happiness
as he chooses.
There will
be some rough spots in the adjustments to our new profile – mostly
in the form of problems from people who don’t see the light. But
the beneficial effects will begin to show within days and will shine
dramatically within weeks. We will remain the leading power in the
world, we will leap ahead (not like Mao) and will shine, we will
become a beacon that the rest of the world may follow or not, but
will ignore to their own disadvantage. It will be leadership by
example.
That’s big
talk.
Just wait.
We’ll start
tonight with the international scene. In Iraq I was convinced that
there was evil out there that we had the power and obligation to
destroy. I was wrong: some of the evil existed and we have eliminated
the obvious but we uncovered a hornets’ nest of other evils that
we didn’t foresee. I’ve become acquainted with the law of unforeseen
consequences through my own example.
We have neither
the right nor the power to overcome the forces extant. We will withdraw
our forces from Iraq and Afghanistan immediately.
We are not
forgetting nor ignoring 9/11/2001; the war on terror..., that is
written with lower case letters, will continue in an entirely different
form. It is already underway but, for obvious reasons, the new course
for combating terror will remain a State secret for now.
I’ve been assured
by senior military and intelligence staff that the withdrawals can
be accomplished reasonably quickly and safely. The people of Iraq
and Afghanistan can be assured that we won’t be bombing their children
and grandparents any more, effective now..., immediately.
Around the
world we have hundreds of military bases of all sizes and character
that intrude in the sovereignty of nations and people. These are
resented mightily by people of all stripes around the world. They
are the basis of much of the hatred manifested toward These United
States.
Most of these
installations will be closed immediately and the thousands of GIs
scattered out there will be coming home. We will further develop
our human intelligence and our various electronic (not to include
unwarranted wire-tapping of Americans) and satellite intelligence
capabilities to replace the intrusive stations.
Our intelligence
henceforth will literally be directed at defense..., DEFENSE.
Our Defense
Department will be postured for defense..., DEFENSE.
We will retain
two massive and expensive functions of the military for some unforeseen
period in the future. We will assume, unilaterally, an active Mutually
Assured Destruction stance toward all of the nuclear powers. We
will destroy any force, and its sources, which uses nuclear
weapons or is on the verge of doing so, if it can be unequivocally
confirmed. We will use big sticks. Curtis LeMay, where are you?
To supplement
that we will continue to work on Ballistic Missile Defense. It is
feasible; it will be expensive. BMD and MAD will be the big-ticket
items. They will always be considered temporary, defensive necessities
under continuous review, to modify, decrease or eliminate as soon
as it is found safe to do so.
Defense of
North America will be the sole function of the Defense Department.
We will not announce our defensive perimeter but will be talking
with our immediate neighbors as soon as they are ready to talk.
Foreign aid
has been one of the darkest chapters in our modern history. Most
of such aid has gone to dictators who were "in our pockets."
Literally, the money has gone to the dictators and their cronies,
not to the people of these horribly disadvantaged countries. The
people have been disadvantaged by the oppression of their tyrannical
dictators made affordable by the bribery we have supplied. This
also is a basis for much of the hatred toward These United States
expressed around the world.
Henceforth
there will be no foreign aid. Not only is foreign aid counterproductive
and immoral, it is unconstitutional.
We will cease
meddling in the affairs of other states. We will discontinue foreign
aid. We will stop interfering with small powers seeking nuclear
weapons, but we will remind them emphatically and frequently of
our MAD policy. They will appreciate that "Mutual" is
a euphemism and they will be far more "mutualed" than
we or France or England will be.
We will withdraw
from the United Nations immediately. The documents effecting this
step are arriving at the United Nations buildings as I speak, awaiting
arrival of the UN officials to accept them, tonight.
We shall invite
the United Nations to find a new home on other shores within two
years. Delegates to the United Nations will no longer be accorded
diplomatic privileges while on American soil, effective immediately,
tonight; the New York Police Department is being appraised of this
right now.
We shall withdraw
from all our defense treaties as soon as the process can be concluded;
the process has been started.
There will
no longer be favored nation status for some of our trading partners.
All trading partners and potential trading partners will be on an
equal basis in the eyes of the United States government. Our industries
and commerce will be free to trade and negotiate on whatever terms
they can find.
We will eliminate
all protective tariffs, import and export, immediately. We shall
eliminate import and export quotas immediately. We shall eliminate
internal subsidies immediately, industrial, farm and all the others.
(We shall be watching our trading partners for reciprocity and will
be considering retaliatory, focused tariffs or quotas where we find
trade practices unequivocally deemed unfair.)
That will be
the essence of our foreign policy. There will be cries of isolationism
but I’m not so sure Lindbergh and Taft and Jefferson and Washington
were so far off base. We will, henceforth, mind our own business,
promote commerce and friendship, and avoid entanglements.
With regard
to domestic issues we have mentioned some above and will elaborate
on them further on. But, we’re starting with the big issues. Some
of these are just recommendations at this moment but we have been
gratified at the response of the few leaders we have approached
in utmost confidence. The executive department has initiated most
of the plans that we can effect unilaterally. We are prepared to
proceed to have these proposals passed and are confident we can
do so. We will pull out all the big guns.
I and my allies,
a small but rapidly growing group, will not hesitate to use the
big "S" word, SOCIALIST, and its close cousin WELFARIST
in describing those whose so-called liberal bent earns them such
a label. Socialism and welfarism have been proven, on the world
stage, and pretty well here in America to be absolute losers. There
was no place for such stuff in the view of the Founders; there is
no place for such stuff today. The great American middle, of all
ethnic and racial origins, does not like the concepts of socialism
and welfarism and centralism.
Another word
of pejorative tone which we will toss about liberally is, CENTRIST,
referring to the tendency ever since 1789 to concentrate power in
a central government. Those persons thus labeled will be dismayed
to find what a large part of the media we have discretely found
to be sympathetic with our efforts. And there is the internet which
will be of interest to peruse, effectively now. We have been gratified
at the discretion we have been able to maintain to date. This confirms
the validity of the cause and the loyalty of the participants.
Several Amendments
to the Constitution of These United States will be offered immediately
for Congress’s consideration. I expect them to be passed by the
requisite super majorities of both houses and be sent to the States
before the really big legislative packages are sent up ten days
from now. More amendments will be proposed soon thereafter, as the
dust settles. The legislators may be subjected to some persuaders
to which they are not accustomed in the next few hours, days and
weeks.
Amendments
to the Constitution: not a common subject for State of the Union
addresses; I presume they’ll start numbering with amendment XXVIII
- twenty-eight…, as they are ratified.
First, I’ll
present the repeals of and deletions from the Constitution as it
stands. These pertain almost entirely to the Amendments. Some clarifying
Amendments to the body of the Constitution will be offered.
Many of these
proposals aim to restore the relationship between the States and
the federated government which was intended by most of the Founders
and by most or all of the attendees at the ratifying conventions
of the various States. Specifically: they are offered in recognition
that the States are sovereign entities which did join together and
are joined together to form a federated government for the purpose
of furthering some few common interests of those States, and for
nothing more.
The references
in the Second Amendment to "Militia" and to "security"
will be deleted, by way of clarification. Those who would quibble
in claiming that, "A well regulated Militia, being necessary
to the security of a free State," has a diluting effect on
the principal sentence will have no quibble left. The 2nd
Amendment shall read, only: "The right of the people to keep
and bear Arms shall not be infringed."
A new amendment
to clarify and strengthen the guarantee of the inviolability of
the individual or corporate right to possess private property will
replace the concluding provision of the Fifth Amendment. This new
amendment will be considered a part of the Bill of Rights and will
be included in the package imposed upon the States to be described
later. Eminent Domain will have some very stiff tests.
A non-amendment
will be a Super-Act that will require the Congress to give full
faith and credit to the extant guarantees of the rights of the States
and of the people explicit in the Ninth and Tenth Amendments. In
this Super-Act the Congress will require itself to confirm these
rights by passing a new resolution at the beginning of each legislative
session so stating, and that there will be a phrase or sentence
so stating in each and every act of legislation passed henceforth.
Just a reminder.
The Fourteenth
Amendment: Section 1: all after the 20th and 21st
words, the "United States," referring to the relationship
between each of the sovereign States and its citizens shall be repealed.
In Section 2 the phrases pertaining to the election of State officials
shall be deleted. Section 3 shall be repealed. Section 4 shall be
repealed.
The Sixteenth
Amendment providing for the imposition of income taxes shall be
repealed.
The Seventeenth
Amendment providing for the popular election of senators shall be
repealed. The original wording of Section 3 of Article I will be
restored. Senators will be chosen by the legislatures of their respective
States, as originally intended…, and with good reason.
Next, we’ll
offer term limits. This is a draconian step but it is seen as necessary
to return the concept of representation to the healthier view of
it being representation by citizen politicians. Hopefully we will
begin to see our representatives at all levels as honorable, decent
citizens rather than the nasty reputation they have earned to date.
The presidency
will be extended to five years and will be limited to one term.
The senatorial
term will remain as it is, six years, but Senators will be limited
to one term.
Representatives
will continue to serve for two years but will be limited to one
term, with the provision for a second and final term after at least
six years have intervened between the end of their first term and
the beginning of their second.
A new amendment
will clarify that there is a right for individual or groups of States
to secede from the federation. That is already apparent to many
but the concept was set back badly in the 1860s. It needs to be
restored. The amendment will be kept simple but will provide for
legislation to consider terms of secession and future relations
between the States and the Union.
A new amendment
will formally define and expand the original Bill of Rights and
will list the Amendments which will be included. They will be the
original ten, the Thirteenth, the amended Fourteenth and Fifteenth,
the Nineteenth, the Twenty-fourth, the Twenty-sixth and the new
amendment assuring the right to property.
This amendment
then will contain a provision requiring that each of the States
shall incorporate the newly defined Bill of Rights within its Constitution.
Policing and enforcement of that group of amendments will be the
responsibilities of the individual States, but they must have them
in their constitution. Failure to do so will result in consequences
to be defined, but finally, if it comes to it, to expulsion from
the Union.
In Article
I, Section 8, of the Constitution, the Commerce clause shall be
amended to clarify that it will be interpreted in the very narrow
sense of regulating the trade between the States, as originally
intended, or will be deleted. The recommendation for that will be
finalized within the next few days.
We need an
amendment establishing that this country, henceforth, will enjoy
the immense advantage of dealing entirely with commodity-based money.
The gold standard will be returned, established and affirmed with
the strength of a Constitutional Amendment.
Now, on to
entitlements. The whole concept is wrong. No one is entitled to
a piece of anyone else’s property.
On the other
hand, the United States has made many promises to most of its citizens.
These can be considered contractual or they can be regarded as empty
political promises. The contractual aspect must be acknowledged,
at least to some extent.
Where there
is a contractual element involved, as in Social Security, Medicare,
military and other pensions, VA disabilities, etc., the programs
will be closed out by formulation as fairly as possible. Funding
will come from various sources, but sale of federal lands and other
properties will provide much of it.
This is very
complex and will take a few months to implement – but I expect it
all to be authorized within the month.
Subsidies,
grants and loans will cease immediately. The private sector will
expand its present capabilities in these functions, without direction
from the nanny State, and provide without missing a beat. And do
a better job. Where there is no genuine need the funds won’t be
available. Some people will hurt. But this is the time for politicians
to quit buying votes with financial redistribution. Look at it this
way: you are all in your last term and there won’t be any bye-bye
boondoggles.
The executive
departments are going, except for the classical four as established
in President Washington’s Cabinet. State will continue to exist;
it will continue to perform many of the functions it does now. Many
of the programs it now administers will be shut down, thrown out.
We will talk with our brethren nations about the world but the subject
material is going to be limited to friendship and trade and consular
activities.
Treasury will
continue to exist. As with all other departments it has an immense
responsibility in the next several months overseeing its own shrinkage
but also in advising and assisting the other departments in the
financial and bookkeeping aspects of their demise. After the dust
settles its mission statement will change, eliminating the hubris
of its claim "to promote the conditions for prosperity
and stability in the United States." Treasury will be the financial
manager and bookkeeper for the government. Most of its offices and
bureaus will be eliminated.
The Department
of Justice will continue to be the advisor to the government for
legal matters, but not much else. The most visible change will be
the complete dissolution of the Drug Enforcement Agency which will
become redundant with the repeal of all drug prohibition laws.
We are, in
no way, endorsing or encouraging the use and abuse of recreational
drugs. We will use the bully pulpit of my station to discourage
such use, on the basis of health, practical concerns and of ethical
and moral objections to such use. But, as a nation, we will enjoy
the huge reduction in crime, petty and large, that will ensue as
it did in 1933 with the repeal of alcohol prohibition. Some of the
massive cost of prohibition can be used (at the local level) for
prevention and rehabilitation of abuse.
The War Department
was succeeded in 1949 by the Department of Defense and now, after
these fifty-seven years, will finally be assigned as its primary
responsibility, the defense of the United States. Heretofore
the word Defense was pretty much euphemistic, considering our strategic
and strike capabilities and practices over all these years. Unfortunately,
we do feel obliged to maintain the MAD posture for a few more years
at least.
With all the
big spending programs – and all the little spending programs – gone
and with billions and billions and billions not being wantonly thrown
about, we have no further need for all those other departments that
have had the burden of throwing all those billions around. Those
departments will be closing down soon, thereby saving the billions
it takes to operate them.
I’ll list them;
it’s a long list; listen quickly for your favorite.
- First:
Education
- Energy
- Housing
& Urban Development
- Did
I mention: Education?
- Labor
- Veterans
Affairs
- Agriculture
- Commerce
- Health
and Human Services
- Homeland
Security
- Transportation
- Interior
- And, finally,
Education.
Some of these
departments will fold down fairly easily; some will require a lot
of coordination, sale of materials and properties, accounting and
accountability. The people at Interior probably still have a few
years tenure because they are being tasked with overseeing the sale
of all the government properties and lands that won’t be needed
to operate the government henceforth.
The secretaries
of those departments are invited to remain in office if they find
themselves sympathetic with these objectives and pledge themselves
to exert themselves to the fullest to fulfill these ends. Otherwise,
I shall look for their resignations on my desk by 8:00 a.m. tomorrow.
I urge them to consider helping us with this effort because I am
sure the leaders of this revolutionary activity will go down in
history as the saviors of the American Dream.
The civil service
people who lose their government employment won’t be out of work
long. Overall, the economy will improve so much and so rapidly that
work will appear. You people generally are well trained and capable;
for the free-loaders and sycophants there may be some rough times,
but you’ll survive.
Government
has provided and does provide many essential or highly desirable
functions; it has done and does so inefficiently and many disastrous
unforeseen consequences have been created. The desirable functions
that have market value will be bought out, otherwise privatized
or created anew in the private sector. The entrepreneurs will weed
out the inefficiencies. That gives lots of ex-civil servants plenty
of employment, even, in many cases in the entrepreneurial role.
The vital functions
without market value will find life in local non-profits (which
term will take on much less significance) of all stripes. True needs
will be much more evident and much more solvable on the local level.
Again, many ex-civil servants will find work in their prior field;
probably many will be leaders in these endeavors. Funding will come
from charitable and other interested groups.
This country
does remarkably well with charity – an honorable word – even in
the presence of punitive taxation. With little or no taxation draining
the earned wealth of the population, charity will blossom where
needed.
Many of the
functions of the government have been and are redundant boondoggles
feeding the demands of various special interests. These won’t and
shouldn’t survive in the free market milieu. Hooray.
This great
realignment will demonstrate that it is truly the route to compassionate
conservatism. Compassionate conservatism does not mean outspending
your predecessor or the other side of the aisle. Those in need will
be much better cared for. Those aspiring will be much less burdened
in their efforts to improve themselves. That’s true conservatism.
That’s true compassion.
In 1946 a book
was published that should be compulsory reading for every high school
student. Understand me…, their parents should compel them
to read it. It is a concise and clear, easy to understand, explication
of how the world works economically. I promise you it is easy reading
and clearly understandable – as I said, I read it and I understood
it and I believe its premises. That’s what tonight and the next
several months are all about. Not that this one book and this one
author are the basis for all of our actions.
Henry
Hazlitt was a self-educated journalist, literary critic, economist
and philosopher who realized the American dream in the classical
manner: persistence, hard work, self-improvement (in the classical
manner – education, persistence and hard work). He was a voluminous
writer. He was very disturbed by the socialistic course this great
country was taking after World War II and wrote Economics
in One Lesson to point out the fallacies of that course
and to offer a better way. He was right, Right and ignored.
This book was
and is widely read and respected but was ignored or deprecated by
the ruling elite. They went on their way, costing us great social
and cultural deterioration and wealth and eroding our freedoms (read
Rights) at an increasingly rapid rate.
I was until
recently in the vanguard of that warfare, welfare mode. My new counselors
have now convinced me there is a better way, and we are launched
on it.
Social law,
by which I mean the Blue Laws of days past, will no longer originate
from the federal level. There is no place for such in political
governing. I encourage the States to take a long hard look at the
logic we have used, but their course is in their own hands.
One very important
change will take place in the White House. We will become known
as the "transparent executive." Secrecy is out. Truly
"vital to national security" matters will be scrutinized
critically and periodically to assure they need to be kept secret.
When challenged for freedom of information access a judicial commission
with true representation for all viewpoints will review and decide.
State secrecy will not be used any further to cover up dumb or mistaken
plans or actions nor to hide plans that are obviously adverse to
the interests of the United States.
This is a revolutionary
construct. It will be difficult for many to accept on its face until
they are convinced by the literature, which will be available tomorrow
across the country, but much more so, when they are convinced by
the great improvements in all our conditions of life, socially,
culturally, civilly and economically, which will be detectable within
weeks.
This whole
thing is an affirmation of the Constitution, albeit with a few changes.
It is an affirmation of that great 18th Century Revolution,
which would better be called a war of secession. It will be an affirmation
of the Declaration of Independence. Thomas Jefferson, Patrick Henry
and George Mason can rest a little easier tonight and henceforth.
Our new course
is an affirmation of the American dream.
I’ve been asked
to announce that much of this change of course has been inspired
by the works of and the memory of the leader – in the second half
of last century – of the discipline upon which these moves are based,
Murray N. Rothbard.
Our little endeavor is dedicated to Dr. Rothbard who had the vision
to structure this in the abstract, had the vision to foresee that
it would come eventually, but died prematurely, thus is unable to
participate in this creation of it. I am told that Dr. Rothbard
would defer totally to his teacher and mentor, dean of the Austrian
School of Economics, Professor Ludwig
von Mises, so that point is hereby made.
Murray, where
are you when we need you ?!
A call goes
out herewith to all academics, intellectuals, jurists, businessmen,
and others, who understand the premises of this massive proposal,
and are sympathetic with it, to contact my office to accept positions
to assist in this project.
One final thought:
the only politically incorrect language in this (appropriately)
brave new world will be: There oughtta be a law!
Mr. Secretary
Rumsfeld: you are being handed a letter from me as I speak asking
for your resignation, to be accepted by a nod of the head...; (pause)
...thank you, and to be effective immediately. All your personal
goods from your office will be at your home when you get there tonight.
Your protective detail has changed from those who brought you here.
The same pertains
to several of your senior staff, who have been designated and are
being notified. They can probably figure out fairly well who they
are.
Mr. Vice-President:
you may notice as you leave this hall that your Secret Service detail
has changed faces. The men assigned are equally skilled as any other
of the presidential protection detail and be assured, they have
your best interests at heart. Just do as they direct.
Thank you,
and may God bless America. (Applause.)
January
28, 2006
Chuck
George [send him mail]
is a retired orthopedic surgeon in Alabama.
Copyright
© 2006 LewRockwell.com
|
